To do what on earth I LIKE with DS's packed lunches? Bloody nursery. Ranty rant alert

[LittleOneMum]

DS is 4. He goes to nursery and has lunch there, 4 days a week. He only started in September. He's not a big eater really, so on the first day, I put in a selection of things for him, thinking that that way he would at least something. All quite healthy: a sandwich, fruit, raisins, some pretzels, a drink and a cereal bar.
So, at the end of the first day a note comes back saying "No cereal bars, some children are allergic to seeds and nuts". Fine, I said, so I don't give him anything with seeds or nuts at all.
then a list came round of all the things that were banned: not just seeds and nuts but anything with chickpeas, dairylea (?), crisps, sweets.
Fair enough I said, and I don't send any of those things.

But yesterday I was taken aside by the teacher and told (in a very "serious" tone) that I was putting FAR TOO MUCH in DS's lunchbox, and that this is VERY serious because they have a policy that the kids must eat everything and throw nothing away. "You are making your son feel very stressed" she said, because he can't eat it all.

I wish someone had told me about this damn policy, and I might understand. But they didn't and frankly even if they had, I am getting really rather tired of the dictats. can't I give him a (small, healthy) selection. They never do throw it away, it comes back in the lunchbox and we have a chat about whether he would like something different. Most days he does eat it all.

Oh I know this is trivial but AIBU to be annoyed that (a) they didn't tell me in advance what the aim was (b) they made me feel like a crap 'feeder' mother and (c) that offering a small selection which doesn't always get eaten isn't awful in any event?

(flame proof hat and big fireman's hose at the ready).

Oh, sorry, I had no idea about the other threads, sorry

But thanks to everyone who replied. I am going to have a word with the nursery (not local authority) on Friday. It is a barking policy. My DH is very unkeen on a showdown with the teacher though. Maybe I will raise it with the head.

Surely children should be encouraged to only eat when they are hungry and stop when they have had enough. Forcing children to eat everything on their plate is setting them up to be greedy, fat adults.

YANBU.

Making a child eat everything regardless of them feeling full = kids stressing out as they are physically full and it could lead to obesity as kids are made to go against their natural ability to stop when full.

You are not strsssing him out - they are!

Beyondlimits- Good luck with taking your child home for lunch. I tried it once and it was very much frowned on by the school. Legally I don't think they could have stopped me but I was certianly made to feel it was a no-no . It hinders the child's social development in the playground apparently.

Just a thought - I agree with those who've said there is ALWAYS a policy on food/lunches. It's usually one of the first docs handed out.

If you don't have one, it sounds like you might have missed a handout somewhere along the line, so it might be worth querying in case there was other important info in the same leaflet.

Lizzie The school is a minute round the corner, they couldnt have a leg to stand on with that argument, I could probably get them home, fed and back before they would have even queued up in the dinner room!
possibly a slight exaggeration-
[hgrin]

You could sit outside the gate pushing burgers through the bars with a picnic of your choosing which they could pop out and eat quickly before joing their classmates for a cheeky glass of water in the hall :o

Agree with the majority, I would be very unhappy with a policy to try and make the children eat everything in their lunchboxes. Their appetites vary as much as an adults and they shouldn't be getting stressed about finishing their food.

I was half dreading my DD starting school in september and waited with baited breath to receive the schools guidance on lunch box contents, but interestingly I didn't receive anything, and I've found they seem to have a very relaxed approach to it. As a little test i put a small kitkat in her lunch box last week and nothing was said. Yet other schools are banning flapjacks etc. Baffling.

Their policy is utter shite. YANBU.

i personaly hate the "eat everything policy" it teaches children to eat everything put in front of them even if they are full, surely they need to eat untill they are not hungry, not just beacuse the food is in front of them,

but this has prob been said a trillion times before :)

Give him a jam sandwich!

AM I being unreasonable to ask what the hell difference it makes whether OTHER children are allergic to the contents of YOUR son's lunch box?

Is "lunch theft" a serious problem amongst 3 year olds? If you just have a policy which says everyone eats what their own parents have packed and don't nick each others food what is the issue? Its not like passive smoking and the other kids are going to be affected by what yours is eating is it?

"AM I being unreasonable to ask what the hell difference it makes whether OTHER children are allergic to the contents of YOUR son's lunch box?"

Have you watched a three year old eating recently?

Seriously they do tend to get stuff spread around, and the staff won't be supervising them 100%. It's not like there is one staff member per child. The kids sit next to each other at the table and there won't be anything to stop child one wiping their hand on child two and smearing them with peanut butter for eg, or child two accidentally picking up the wrong sandwich.

If I had a child with an allergy (I don't) I would be mega hacked off if the nursery permitted other children to eat potentially fatal food at the same table.

It's different when they're 5 or 6+ and know what to avoid, and are out of the stage of wiping their hands on their clothes - but a 3 or 4 year old can't be trusted to eat tidily and police their own intake.

AIBU to think that pollyblue should test her DDs school a bit more?
Maybe a whole chocolate cake?
Or a doner kebab?
[hgrin]

An entire lunch box filled with Quality Street?
(no nut ones though)

I would make it very clear to them that your ds can eat or leave whatever he wants of his own lunch, and they are not to put any pressure on him to eat it all. I would be livid!

Not letting you know what the policy is regarding seeds/nuts etc in advance is pretty poor too. Actually I think they should be able to manage allergic children's needs better without banning foods but that is a different thread.

I do think schools' attitudes to allergies is often weird.

It's like my friend's little boy is severely allergic to nuts, and has an anaphlactic allergy to dairy. His school have therefore banned nuts - but not dairy - even though dairy is the more serious allergy. I think his mum feels it's a nice gesture but pointless at the end of the day - she still has to educate him to say no to everything so why ban the nuts?

The banning of nut products is a bit of a contentious issue. Arachis (peanut) oil is present in a huge range of foodstuffs (it's the softening agent in spreadable butter, for example) and is also a major constituent of hand and body lotions, and vegetarian soap bases.

A blanket ban on obvious nut products often leads to complacency on the part of the nursery staff. It's also very hard to police, as shown by the examples of 'hidden' nut oils listed.

I'm interested in the explanation behind the Dairylea ban...does this include all cheese-based foods, or is it restricted to foil-wrapped triangles?

yanbu - why on earth do they need to eat everything in the lunchbox?

when my dc had lunch at nursery then i would normally put a sandwich/fruit/yog/fruit bar/baby bel/biscuit etc in it

he knew that he had to eat the fruit before the yog and biscuit but otherwise i didnt mind if things came home

but woe betide him if the biscuit was eaten and the fruit left in the lunchbox

i understand allergies and no peanut butter etc but not the dairylea one - if another child lactose intolerant then the nursery need to make sure that that child is awae they cant swap foods

maybe they mean those dairylea dipper things that are basically crisps dipped in cheese goop? It might fall under the "healthy eating" category rather than the "allergy" category.

Banning dairy would be tricky wouldn't it? From what I gather yogurt, cheese etc seem to form quite a core part of packed lunches?

I think it is the Dairy Lea dunkers thing, on health grounds.

Totally barking. Thank god my DD was past this stage before lunch box policies were introduced. I oppose the whole idea actually.