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AIBU?

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Original poster

Found neighbour snooping in my side area...

92 replies

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 18/10/2011 23:33

I was just sitting in my back garden and heard unmistakable footsteps in the alley leading from the cul de sac...the alley is driveway really and accesable from the street....I was sittting very quietly so knew what I heard...I waited for about 3 seconds to see if they'd try the gate and nothing...so I got up and opened the gate...nobody there...but i KNEW I had heard somene...so went up the drive to look down the street and before I got to the end...one of my neighbours popped his head out from round my next door neigbours house..right by their front door...and he waved a carrier bag and said "Just checking what bins are meant to be out!" and left...

He had not NEEDED to come down my drive to do that...my bins are out in the road as are my next door nighbours.

Now not long ago I posted about this guy staing at my child when she plays out and I got totally bollocked on here for suspecting a man of "looking"

But now feel my instincts were right somehow....WHY was he snooping around my back gate in the dark at gone 11? He was definately right by my tall back gate as I heard his steps approaching...or leaving....I had beeen there for around ten minutes...sitting silently on my table under my patio umbrella.....( something I do often as I can think clearly...its like meditation) but because I only heard ONE set of footsteps it s conceivable that he was AREADY THERE when I went out and that after some time, he tried to sneak off...

There is no way the sound played a trick on me....he was RIGHT by my gate....and then seconds later he was apparently hiding round the sde of my neighbours home. What do I do??? DH almost went and knocked on the mans door but I dissueded him.

OP posts:
Original poster
MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 19/10/2011 01:23

Although I don't know if a feeling is much evidence of anything...but I have seen hm and so has dh...he is always out there whenever DD is.

OP posts:
ChippingInToThePumpkinLantern · 19/10/2011 01:30

I don't think it would be 'much evidence' if he doesn't already have a background known to them, but if he does...

scaryhairydroopytits · 19/10/2011 01:38

I work with sex offenders. To be coming on to your property to watch would be an unusual (but not unheard of) risk to take, especially if he can already see in from his bedroom window. Can he see your dcs bedroom windows from his house?
I think you are right to talk to the police.
Do any of your other neighbours share your concerns do you know?
I wonder if his wife was home tonight at the time you heard him? Engaging in peeping when she is in would also be unusual.

Original poster
MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 19/10/2011 01:42

No he can only see my bedroom window from his...one neighbour has said something in a light hearted way....he is my next door neighbour and he said "He's like the blinking neighbourhood watch him! Do you know he challenges any strange cars that come in the road?"

Apparently the weird neighbour will approach cars and ask them their business.

OP posts:
ChippingInToThePumpkinLantern · 19/10/2011 01:49

TBF he's probably just a lonely old nosey pants - but it wont hurt to call the local station just in case he has any kind of history. I hope you get some sleep tonight.

TotemPole · 19/10/2011 01:50

Can he see into your DCs bedrooms from the drive/alley?

ednurse · 19/10/2011 01:55

How strange...I'd definitely make a report to the police. Might be an idea to keep a log of any incidents and encounters from now on.

scaryhairydroopytits · 19/10/2011 02:01

What was in his carrier bag, you said he had one when he made the bin comment? Could he have actually been going through the bins?

Original poster
MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 19/10/2011 08:30

Well I made it through the night! Totem no...he cant see any bedroom windows from the alley. There's a bathroom widow but its tiny and frosted....scary I have NO idea what was in his bag....but it wasnt a bag full of rubbish....it only had a few things in the bottom....and what was he dong in the pouring rain with a bag by my gate?

He had his coat on, all done up so he hadn't come out in a hurry or anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 19/10/2011 08:32

I feel a bit unsure in the light of day....I am still uncomforatble about it but what if I call the police and they go to see him and it causes problems with us?

it's a smallish cul de sac and you can't really avoid people...but I feel I have to call as he was so dodgy.

OP posts:
slartybartfast · 19/10/2011 08:36

is it bin day?

slartybartfast · 19/10/2011 08:36

and wouldnt he have to look at the front of the houses to see what bins were out? Confused

GypsyMoth · 19/10/2011 08:44

He sounds like the man from 'the lovely bones' and that wasn't a pretty ending!!!

Joking aside, report it. It's logged then just in case

lesley33 · 19/10/2011 08:45

I would ring the beat officer, explain what has happened and how you feel, but that you don't want to wrongly accuse him. If he has a history the beat officer can easily find out. I think you have the right to find out if he has a relevant history?

Are there any other families with children you know that you could trust to be reasonable? If so I would say the same as above and ask if they have noticed anything? Although to be fair, make it clear that he might just be a nosy neighbour.

You could also set up a video camera linked to a private web site- much cheaper than CCTV. I read on the web about how to do this - so do a search.

Try not to scare her, but tell your DD never to go in his house. You need to be specific as many DCs wouldn't see a neighbouras a "stranger".

But btw I often look at 11,12,1am to see what bins need to go out. Coming back late at night,wearing my coat still, we have the conversation about which bins to put out. DP will say - just check what the neighbours have put out. Although I only ever look on the road or just inside their property, you do usually have to get very close to tell the differences in colour at night.

Original poster
MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 19/10/2011 08:45

larty read the whole thread properly

OP posts:
cakeoclock · 19/10/2011 08:47

I would get one of those sensor lights fitted, so that if he tries again the alley lights up like daytime. We have one and we would know if anyone was in our garden or on our path.

I don't know if I would call the police or send dh for a friendly chat first, warning that if there is any more strange behaviour you will contact the police.

Original poster
MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 19/10/2011 08:48

TO clarify....in order to check the bins, he could have looked at the bins from his immediate neighbour on either side which were right out (as always) in the middle of the road....NO bins, my own inclued were in the long drive areas...they never are.

He did not need t come near my gate, which meant he had gone down my pprivatel lawn path, onto my drive and down the narrow "corridor" to reach my gate area which has NO bins in it....he PASSED a multitude of bins to get hhere.

OP posts:
Original poster
MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 19/10/2011 08:50

cake DH is fitting one today....I am unsure too....DH felt we should ask the neighbours that we trust.....and he also felt that he should go and have a non-agressive chat with him and explain he had scared me and not to come near our property again.

OP posts:
lesley33 · 19/10/2011 08:50

And although people can be U with paedophile fears, instincts can sometimes be right. I obviously don't know you, but if you are not the type to quickly see any behaviour as the sign of a paedophile, I would trust your instincts.

Totally understand though why posters said you were U over your other post. IME lots of older people who are lonely - which nosy people often are - watch people from the window for hours and especially DCs playing. People get a vicarious pleasure from seeing DCs running about happy.

MrsLovettsChiddelyPie · 19/10/2011 08:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lesley33 · 19/10/2011 08:54

No to the aggressive chat. If he is guilty, he may just call the police on you as a form of "defence". It would be the clever thing to do. Then future reports by you might be viewed as the neighbours harassing that poor lonely man. Talk to the police.

cakeoclock · 19/10/2011 08:54

Mumbling, having a chat to the neighbours you trust sounds like a good idea. See if anyone else has similar worries.

The non aggressive chat from dh sounds good to me, I would probably warn the guy that you had thought about going to the police. If he's just lonely he'll be mortified and if not it's a warning arrow that you are onto him.

Original poster
MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 19/10/2011 08:54

Yes lesley I'm not a panicker...we have another elderly man lives opposite and he walks his dog, he always looks and smiles at DD but it's that kind of "Aw look at what a good time she's having!" smile...and I never mind him at all...I feel glad he sees a child playing and gets a happy feeling from it....others neighbours will greet us and chat to both DDs....I don't mind....this odd neighbour stares....not only at DD though....DH said he once stared so openly at my Mum that DH had to say "Are you alright?" to him....because it was odd.

OP posts:
Original poster
MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 19/10/2011 08:55

lesley I said NON agressive chat...

OP posts:
lesley33 · 19/10/2011 08:56

But you could say you DON'T want the police to visit him. Instead you want to log your concerns and ask them to look at his history i.e. past offences. That way if he is just an oddball, there is no harm done.

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