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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to just not understand why dp won't share big night

31 replies

notimetoshop · 18/10/2011 22:24

ok. i have a pt job. dp had a ft job but now is pt.
So I asked to go ft but economic situation blah di blah di blah.
I am v sympathetic to dp, but at same time have been asked my job to swish do and dp is invited.
He is refusing to go because 'they never do anything for him'. I point out, but this is something for you. but this doesn't count
should i just go alone - it involves travelling, staying overnight alone.
or should i cop out myself to support him. although not sure what supporting him in really.
really just want a way to persuade him...

OP posts:
Proudnscary · 18/10/2011 22:24

Quoi?

ZacharyQuack · 18/10/2011 22:26

Do you and your DP work for the same company?

If not, I'm not sure why he thinks "they never do anything for him".

Hassled · 18/10/2011 22:26

I don't understand. Why does your DP think your employers should do anything for him? What does he think they owe him? Do you mean you having a FT job? If so - he's a muppet. Go without him, have a lot of fun and no guilt.

MarginallyNarkyPuffin · 18/10/2011 22:28

Grin Proudnscary

FabbyChic · 18/10/2011 22:28

Your partner is a miserable git, go alone let him sit at home like a sulking child.

Why would your company do anything for him?

Seriously is he deranged?

troisgarcons · 18/10/2011 22:28
Confused
Original poster
notimetoshop · 18/10/2011 22:29

well, i think in the way that companies recognise that their staff are supported by partners back home.

OP posts:
Original poster
notimetoshop · 18/10/2011 22:31

maybe i mean 'for us' . ie they say no to going ft.
he was up for it before then you see - i put his name down.
i'm a bti worried about turning up and explaining to bosses why he's not there. or should i say before hand, but keep thinking he'll change mind

OP posts:
ZacharyQuack · 18/10/2011 22:31

OK, now I agree with Proudnscary.

Can you start again from the beginning, and assume that none of us know what you are talking about?

FabbyChic · 18/10/2011 22:32

Oh my god, use your brain and say he is sick on the night.

Or say he has a prior engagement, Im really sure that no one will be that bothered your partner is not there, not like he sounds like the life and soul of the party.

FabbyChic · 18/10/2011 22:32

I understand what she is talking about.

It's easy if you read slowly.

Bohica · 18/10/2011 22:33

He is behaving like a child. I attend boring company dinners and awards without any recognition for my role as er indoors and nor do I expect it.

My DH shows his appreciation in other ways Smile

MrHeadlessMan · 18/10/2011 22:34

YABU for making my brain hurt while trying to understand your OP.

Bohica · 18/10/2011 22:35

In answer to your last post: do you have children? They are a great excuse for babysitting letdowns on the last minute.

You must go, he must get over it.

LunaticFringe · 18/10/2011 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
notimetoshop · 18/10/2011 22:36

fabbychic: well i thought of saying sick, but then i'm so bad at lying esp to boss. i thought might be easier to say beforehand he's not coming.
zq: i am pt. my dp has lost ft job and is now pt. to make up income, we thought i'd go ft. but that is not going to happen. previously i had been invited by work to swish do, and dp invited too. all good. now have been refused ft, he does not want to go.

i may just have to go without him. i feel tho he would see that as betrayal. as he puts it i'm 'always' putting work before family.

OP posts:
Hassled · 18/10/2011 22:36

No company owes their employee's partner anything at all. The contract of employment is between you and the employer, not him.

Again - he's a muppet.

FabbyChic · 18/10/2011 22:38

if there were no full time posts how could they employ you full time? does your partner not understand company dynamics?

Original poster
notimetoshop · 18/10/2011 22:38

oh double booked is good. that's kind of true.

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 18/10/2011 22:40

I don't get your partner's logic. Why does he feel "entitled"?. Your employer owes him nothing.

If he doesn't want to go and you do, just tell them you couldn't get a babysitter.

OH loathes swish dos so I used to go without him. No-one thought it odd.

Original poster
notimetoshop · 18/10/2011 22:42

fc: well i think not. he says that i said i would go back ft. which i did. but that was before recession. now lots of people made redundant and costs cut. so no can do (they say) . he says i give in too easily.

OP posts:
Original poster
notimetoshop · 18/10/2011 22:43

bb: no i wouldnt' mind so much if i hadn't said he would go. also as it means travelling and staying away o/night - fun together, not so much alone.

OP posts:
Ihavewelliesbutitssunny · 18/10/2011 22:45

I really am quite confused still [hconfused]

FabbyChic · 18/10/2011 22:46

Why cant he get a ft job somewhere himself> Why is it down to you to work full time why he does part time hours?

Seriously he sounds like he thinks you were entitled to work full time, life doesn't work like that, you ask if they can accomodate they say yes if not what can they say?

Original poster
notimetoshop · 18/10/2011 22:50

thanks fabbychic you've really helped, just felt a bit Sad . about state of marriage! i'm not really keen on going alone, but general opinion seems to be to get on with things and leave him to decide.
he's under pressure - not easy to get ft job - lots of people in this situation and i do sympathise with him. probably both of us reading too much into it. ?

OP posts: