should I be concerned or am I reading too much into this?

[ayebooo]

namechanger with genuine not sure if IABU or not

I was staying over at my cousin's house with my DD (3). When I was getting her dressed I had left the bedroom door open as no one was upstairs at the time. As I was putting her pants on I saw her DS (9) standing at the bedroom door staring at DD. I asked him to not watch DD getting changed but he refused to move from the doorway and continued staring. I had to actually stop and walk across the room and close the door in his face. He didn't say sorry or anything.

A while ago, something else happened which made me a little uneasy. The DCs were playing in the bedroom. I was checking on them every so often but one time when I went in they were hiding under the cover. They moved as I pulled the cover off but it appeared that DD was lying down, legs splayed and the boy was kneeling looking at her. (She had a nightdress on but no pants because she was going through a phase of constantly taking them off) He looked very guilty but I never questioned him on it, I just seperated them.

So what does the MN jury think? Normal behaviour? They hardly ever see each other so DD isn't at risk and I wont be letting them play alone together anymore regardless. I haven't mentioned it to his Mum. Should I? I'm not used to boys this age so not sure if this is just natural curiosity.

At 4/5 I would say this is natural curiosity........ at 8???? How many boys have never been in a communal changing room before then and seen little girls naked? At 5yo my dd1 is becoming self conscious about changing infront of people i.e. at the beach/ swimming pool/ PE but maybe she is just very mature in that way. My 3yo is aware that females and males have different body parts.
I suppose it depends on the culture at home as well and whether he has seen mum/ dad naked getting out of the bath or shower for example. As a family we don't lock the doors to bath or shower so dds are used to who has what as they often come in to chat to us or ask where something is.

Unfortunately it can be because he has had the same happen to him/ seen this type of looking before in a not so innocent way. Looking at the door is one thing but being under the bedclothes is different imo. At 8/9 he should be getting some awareness of personal boundries. A one off incident of looking - fine. Two would be streching it for me.

Why were you worried about him seeing her naked in the first place? Do you not let her run around naked?

The second bit sounds a bit more concerning, but I think it would be terrible to embarrass the poor kid over somthing so harmless. If he was confronted about it by his Mum the shame could have a real lasting effect on him (and he didn't hurt anyone did he)

I really don't think the age difference make his behaviour predatory in any way - they were playing so he took an opportunity to have a closer look when it was presented to him. Lots of kids play doctors and nurses with thier friends and their friends' younger siblings. It's totally normal.

I understand the normal curiosity side of the argument, but I wouldnt let the lad near my three year old again out of sight...and Id be having a word with his mom, not negativly, just something she should know as its her business to educate him in his curiosities.

If she was lying down legs splayed and he was kneeling, both on the bed, he would surely have been too high up to see anything

Normal I would say.

My 9 year old boy is incredibly naive about bodies etc. When he had a school residential trip last year I had to talk to him before he went about thinking about where to get changed and not just stripping off in front of everyone. We don't have locks or anything on our bathroom doors and he has an older brother with no understanding of privacy (severely autistic) so I just don't think it occurs to him. He's still very innocent and definitely not interested in girls - he's horrified if a girl shows interest in him.

I suspect it will change over the next year or two, but I wouldn't have been concerned about my son doing that at 8 (although would have had words with him if it was making someone uncomfortable obviously, and would have told him not to stare if I'd seen him). Remember boys enter puberty later than girls, so a 9 year old boy is usually still very child like (comparing amongst friends with girls - the girls are way ahead of the boys in terms of being streetwise etc).

Ok, thanks. He does have quite a sheltered/isolated life so that probably does explain his behaviour. I very much doubt that he's ever seen a girl changing before.

Ill casually ask his mum whether he's had the 'talk'- I doubt he has. I might aay he seemed curious and maybe it is time, although I think she wants to keep him 'innocent' for as long as possible.

Yep definitely sounds like natural curiosity.

DS (7 at the time) was fascinated by DD when she was born because she didn't have a willy and DD (5) is now obsessed with catching a glimpse of his!

ayebooo - I think that the innocence (or otherwise) often comes from the child rather than something dictated by the parent. I've had the talk with ds2 and bought him books etc and he's just not (yet) remotely interested. His younger brother is much more interested and asks a lot more questions. I'm sure it will all change in the next few years but a 9 year old may just be innocent because they haven't started to biologically move into pre-puberty yet iyswim.

"imperial I'm quite sure that development of normal sexual interest does not include looking at 3YOs"

I didn't say it was "normal" sexual interest, just that sexual interest develops at this stage. I don't think his behaviour is normal, btw. I wouldn't want my daughter to be alone with him - that experience in the bedroom would have been enough for me.