to be concerned about DH's weight?

[JugsMcGee]

This has nothing to do with his appearance, I still love him and I'm still attracted to him. But I am so concerned about his weight. He has gained a lot of weight over the past few years and does absolutely no exercise. He is classed as morbidly obese. He used to play some 5-a-side football and we used to swim together. However now we have DS we can't exercise together and he won't go alone.

I cook healthy meals and have stopped buying junk snacks because he will tend to eat it all in one go. However, there is a vending machine at work where he seems to buy crisps and chocolate every day (he leaves the wrappers in his lunch pack). He won't eat any fruit or veg. I have to blend up veg in sauces to hide them. When I serve a sensible portion of food, he will top himself up with bread and butter.

Adult onset diabetes seems to run in his family (FIL has it and FIL's dad had it) so this concerns me. I don't know if I'm being irrational but I'm so worried he's going to have a heart attack before he's 40.

How do I talk to him about this without hurting his feelings? I don't want him to feel bad about himself. I want to help him.

I have this issue with DH too.

I recently tentatively suggested that he might consider going along with DS to the extra karate class ds does on a saturday as its a mixed age class - and DH agreed first to go and look then to give it a three-month trial. He came back after last class saying he was surprised how much he enjoyed it - and we've talked about the possibility of him going to some of the other classes during the week that are after ds is in bed. Wish me luck!!!

Jugs, it's taken several years of marriage to train/encourage my obese DH to change his (appalling) eating habits. Like tigermoll, I gained 2 stone because of the "the constant takeaways, indulgent puddings and endless crisps and chocolate he buys". His father also has type 1 diabetes. He is now eating healthily, is losing weight and is just "overweight", not "obese.

You've tried the softly-softly approach so now go for the shock tactics. Tell him (in a matter of fact fashion) that you need him to massively increase his life insurance. Insist on talking him through how to recognise an incipient cardiac arrest, preferably over breakfast. Tell him you both need to tell your DC how to ring 999 "in case Daddy feels poorly or won't wake up". Dig out some stats on decreased life-expectancy for the morbidly obese.

If this doesn't work, then you could look into the Lighter Life weightloss plan. They run special men-only groups for obese chaps, which involve weekly counselling about eating habits and the underlying issues. The programme also gets very swift results. I won't bash on about it in case people think I've got something to sell here, but it worked for me and several of my friends. You can just Google it to find out more.

Good luck!

Here's how I think: overweight people know they are overweight. They get reminded of it every day, and society makes sure they feel bad about it. At least, this is true in my experience of the world.

If OP's DH was offered a fit healthy body on a plate, of course he would take it. The problem is that it doesn't come on a plate, you have to work bloody hard and deny yourself things you have instinctively done for maybe your whole life. I don't think this is possible unless you are committed to fundamentally changing the way you live and going through a fair amount of pain/discomfort to get there. The threads on weight loss back this up I think.

That's why I think it has o come from inside him. I agree totally that OP can help with the motivation. But threats, guilt, etc is not the way to go. It gives him a reason to think this is a struggle against OP rather than himself.

I think it's a bit like alcoholism. He needs to first admit there is a problem (possibly with help of OP pointing out how it affects their lives) and then he needs a lot of help and support. It would be the same if OP was a man talking about his DW.

mine is the same, eats for England, wouldnt hear of dieting

i started ww and began to lose weight. Didnt force it on him at all, in fact ignored the issue. As soon as he saw me starting to look better and trimmer, he decided he wanted to as well

Result!