To ask friend for money back?

[OogaBooga]

Name changed in case friend comes across this.

Background -

I asked a friend to hold some money for me (well actually he offered and I later asked after considering it) as I was trying to save up for an event.

A little while later he had an unexpected bill and was a bit short and so I said to take my cash and just make sure it is replaced before the event.

He took it, used it and then replaced it when he was paid, at least he told me that he had.

Event never ended up happening for various reasons and I asked for the money. At this time he explained that he didn't have it on him but could get it out the bank.

Ended up not seeing him for a few weeks and got the feeling I was being avoided. Have mentioned it on a couple of occasions since and got various excuses about bills, payment problems, bank account issues etc. and always promised next week etc. and yet never arrived.

He eventually gave me half of the money and promised the rest the next week, again we then did not see each other for a long period.

Since then he has hit some serious financial problems and I KNOW he cannot afford to give it me, however it has now been 7 months since I first asked for the money.

I don't NEED it right now as such but with christmas coming up it would be handy, it's not a huge amount still owing (£120) but enough to not want to forget it.

I now feel bad for asking and have not asked for it in a while but it's starting to annoy me they he seems to have just forgotten it and never mentions it.

It's not like the money was even a loan in the first place, they were just holding it for me and yes I did agree they could dip into it ONCE but that dosn't mean I don't have a right to have it back.

I think it's time to get harsh and demand it back but OH thinks it will cause problems and that we shouldn't ask when we can see how much he is struggling.

AIBU to want it back when I know he will struggle to give it me?

YANBU - Like you said, he is in a spot of bother and probably very embarrassed over the situation. It's your money and you should ask for it back, end of story. If he can't pay it all at once then instalments is a way to go.

If he didn't take it without consent in the first instance he's certainly guilty of keeping it without consent, because she asked for it back seven months ago and still hasn't got it.

And he either lied to her about having replaced it or he replaced it and took it a second time, this time without her knowledge.

Grumple I see your point but I don't think it's fair to compare the OP and her friend and say it's the same thing.

The OP might have felt unable to responsibly save her own money without dipping into it all the time. But it was her money to dip into or save and in asking a friend to keep it safe she was at least trying to act responsibly.

It doesn't belong to the friend, he had no involvement in the earning of it. She allowed him to borrow it and he said he had replaced it.

In his mind that might have made it okay to dip into again in the way the OP felt she might, but it wasn't the same. It still wasn't money that he had earned or saved, just because he had borrowed and replaced it. It was still her money.

If you borrow money and pay it back that doesn't make the replaced money a little bit "yours" in any way. So she's right. If he felt tempted and justified it in his head by saying "but that's the money I put in, not the money she first gave me, so it's okay if I 'borrow' it and replace it again" then he's been far more irresponsible that the OP and in a different, worse way.

I think what I mean is, it's not giving her friend a responsibility she couldn't take for herself.

She felt unable to not dip into her own money.

She gave him the responsibility to not dip into someone else's money (and only after he had offered to take the responsibility from her).

It can be all to easy to dip into your own savings.

Most people wouldn't even consider dipping into someone else's.

So that's what I mean by not the same.

I think you should ask. Say you need it for Christmas. How skint actually is he? Has he sold the cars and designer clothes?

You should ask for it back, say you need it for Christmas and ask him to pay you in installments if he can't afford it right away.

He's clearly not going to mention it, you have to.

Look, it's not your fault he dipped into your money and didn't replace it at the time. It's his fault. It's also not your fault he's been made redundant or that his relationship has broken down. That's circumstantial.

Don't lose sight of the fact that he has your money and you have every right to it back. I would get in touch with him however you feel most comfortable - be it text, call or email - saying you'll be round to see him on Saturday morning for the full £120 and you need it that day so you can't leave it any longer. You don't need to justify a reason for having it back because it's your money (although if he asks, I'd say you owe someone else £100 and need to pay them back as promised because you don't like taking the piss out of them like he is with you). Then it's up to him how he raises the money - he can sell some stuff on Gumtree, flog a few bits to a cash converters or similar shop, or increase his overdraft. How he does this is not your problem. As for the friendship, he's ruining that, not you. Do not let him off, don't accept his excuses and don't let him pay you in installments because there'll always be another excuse why he can't pay you 'this month'. If he'd replaced the money straight away none of this would be happening, hence it's totally his fault.

Sometimes in life we (as humans) are too soft and emotional, when we should be more assertive. This is one of those times.

I meant your OH is being soft and emotional, OP.

Your friend was out of order to spend your money.

Whatever the situation there is no excuse for spending your money.

You should demand he gives you it back asap.

If he is willing to steal from you he is not your friend!