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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want another child

16 replies

boglach · 17/10/2011 21:16

My dh really wants another baby. He grew up in a large family with very fond memories and lovely relationships with his siblings now. We have two gorgeous kids, I am in my early thirties.

I feel very selfish that I just don't want any more kids. I suppose I just can't live up to my MIL who seemed to give up her life to motherhood

I don't want to go through pregnancy and birth again (both of mine were difficult). I am not sure I have the energy or patience for another and I want to be the best mum I can be for the ones I have. I am a sahm and actually I quite enjoy it, but when my youngest goes to school I look forward to the next phase, where I can maybe get back into a career and have more for just myself. I want to move on from tantrums and dressing battles and jumping beans - it has been fun while it lasted but I am not sure I want to do round three.

Everyone around me seems to be having three or more, and along with my dh pining for another it makes me feel inadequate somehow.

OP posts:

Andrewofgg · 17/10/2011 21:21

Until some clever clogs finds a way to let him go through pregnancy and childbirth YANBU.

EverybodysScaryEyed · 17/10/2011 21:21

My DH has told me he wants another

I told him when he can give birth to it we can! Seriously I pointed out that he works long hours and hardly sees the 2 we have. i do the bulk of the childcare and i don't think i could cope with 3. Also, it is my career that is constantly set back by the time off.

He accepted that I had a point!

Miette · 17/10/2011 21:23

Of course YANBU. I definitely wouldn't have a third in your situation (or in mine for that matter.) Having a baby out of a sense of duty wouldn't be fair on the baby. You may find you resent having to do everything again. (I would too to be honest.) I think all your reasons are very valid reasons for finishing at two. I suppose it's a shame if your dh wanted more, but he is lucky to have the two that he has.

Original poster

boglach · 17/10/2011 21:28

I thought maybe I was being unreasonable because I am still young enough and I don't work.

I mean what is stopping me apart from my own selfish reasons?

OP posts:

Miette · 17/10/2011 21:30

They aren't selfish reasons though, they are valid reasons.

bumpybecky · 17/10/2011 21:30

why do you need other reasons other than your 'selfish' ones?

YANBU, they are not selfish, you don't want to so don't do it!

said as a SAHM to 4, so not biased against bigger families

Rollon2012 · 17/10/2011 21:32

Do whats right for you

sismith42 · 17/10/2011 21:35

YANBU. Though you might consider adopting/fostering a child, perhaps a slightly older one... I'd say "who'd be past the tantrum stage" but we all know that's a lie!

GuillotinedMaryLacey · 17/10/2011 21:36

It's a tough one. We've had enough threads on here recently where the op wants another and the husband doesn't. One of you is going to be unhappy with the decision. No easy answers but YANBU not to want another. It's just not that simple is it?

Original poster

boglach · 17/10/2011 21:45

I don't think my dh would ever pressure me if I say no, but I know he would be disappointed. He is a great dad - he pulls his weight, spends lots of time with the kids and gives me breaks. It is not that he wouldn't support me.

sismith42 - my 2 year old is truly adorable, but boy can she throw a tantrum

I need more than motherhood. Is it weird to feel that?

OP posts:

bumpybecky · 17/10/2011 21:58

no, it's normal :)

I had two dds, two years apart, slowly began to lose the plot, went out to work instead! regained the plot then had two more dc! there's 4.5 years between #2 and #3. Just because you don't want another baby now doesn't mean you'll always feel this way. If it were me that's what I'd say to DH - not that you're down for ever, just for now :) no need to make permanent contraceptive choices now, see what the future brings :)

bumpybecky · 17/10/2011 21:59

done for ever, not down!

Original poster

boglach · 17/10/2011 22:03

thanks bumpybecky . I think I am just enjoying sleep and getting my body a bit back to normal. We have a little bit of a social life now and that is nice. I may feel differently in a year or so but now I will keep taking that pill!

OP posts:

AuntiePickleBottom · 17/10/2011 22:03

yanbu, if you don't want any more children than that is a valid reason in itself.

i couldn't go for another child, i have alot more i want to do with my life than be a mum

Hassled · 17/10/2011 22:04

bumpybecky makes a lot of sense - you don't want another now, and you may never want another, but this isn't some sort of carved-in-stone decision you're taking that applies for the rest of your life. I have 9 years between DC2 and DC3, then a further 4 before DC4 came along - you have youth on your side. Absolutely fair enough to say you don't want another child in the immediate future - you may change your mind (as I did), you may not - either is completely valid.

notlettingthefearshow · 17/10/2011 22:14

I can't see any reason to have a child unless you desperately want one.

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