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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be angry with nursery

53 replies

tibywibs · 17/10/2011 20:23

So i'm on my way to collect my daughter from nursery and I saw some of the children and staff walking down the street. (not unusual, they often go for walks) when i get there i find my daughter on sat on a nursery nurses knee, crying. It turns out that ALL of the children who attended nursery on friday had gone out to the fair. As my dd was doing half a day, she was left behind in a room full of sleeping babies. They say they tried to phone me to say she'd be in the baby room but they obviously don't have the right number (i changed my number last year and they have called me on it since.)
i am so upset that they either didn't wait 5 mins until i collected her or asked me to come early or even offered to take her if i paid the extra fees.
she was sobbing and all weekend she has told me that her friends left her. I want to let them know how disappointed i am that an establishment that is supposed to care for children could be so insensitive.
Am i being pathetic??

OP posts:
thefirstMrsDeVeerie · 17/10/2011 20:49

There, there babyheave I knew what you mean

working9while5 · 17/10/2011 20:50

I don't think they handled it well. What was the nursery nurse doing telling you she seemed "heartbroken" Hmm? I completely understand why you are upset as most of us might be a bit like this if we arrived and found our child sobbing while a big drama was talked up by nursery that could have been avoided. They shouldn't have drawn attention to it really, though it probably isn't as big a deal as it seemed when you arrived. They should have distracted her. She'll get over it but it doesn't seem like phenomenally good practice on their part.

Sirzy · 17/10/2011 20:52

It's 5 mins. These things happen when children do half days is hardly the end of the world!

carriedababi · 17/10/2011 20:55

id be more annoyed they couldnt contact you, what if something serious happened.

OddBoots · 17/10/2011 20:56

If this has upset her as much as you say do you think she might be coming down with a bug or something? Or maybe tired?

EightiesChickOrTreat · 17/10/2011 20:57

Agree that you are seeing this as more emotional than it needs to be. My DS howls on occasion when his slipper comes off. She may have been upset at the time but it won't scar her for life. However, at my DS's nursery we always get told about trips in advance to plan around them etc. It's not unreasonable now to ask them to do this and then you are aware in future. As for 5 minutes, it really is about looking after the majority, so if they were all ready and itching to go, I can see why they'd go. She was sat on a staff member's knee when you got there - they hadn't left her alone or without comfort.

tibywibs · 17/10/2011 21:58

I'm pleased I asked the question considering so many people think i'm being ridiculous. I would however like to inform them that I am willing to pay for any future excursions. (we are usually given this option so I don't see why this time was different).
I don't expect a whole nursery to come to a standstill for my child but it is a small privately owned nursery so it's very tight knit and there were only about 12 children going on a trip so i think leaving at 12.30 instead of 12.25 isn't too much of an ask.

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tibywibs · 17/10/2011 22:05

sorry i'm still going! Also, the parents of the children who did go must have given permission for their children to leave the nursery, so they knew my dd would be the only one left behind. They could have asked me to come early to collect her.
i often feel sorry for her when i collect her as the children are sometimes watching a dvd after lunch or just going out into the garden and she is pulled away to go home. On the plus side, it must mean she enjoys going to nursery!

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KD0706 · 17/10/2011 22:08

Grin babyheave
I did wonder what all that was but can see how it would have looked like mountain and molehill with different formatting.

I agree that YABU
If you don't make a big thing of it I'm sure your DD will get over it more quickly.

I agree that you need to sort out the contact number ASAP.

greenbananas · 17/10/2011 22:09

Seems I disagree with most people on this thread, but I think it was very unsympathetic and badly planned. This kind of thing really does matter to very young children. It wouldn't have been hard to wait five minutes.

The wrong phone number is also a cause for concern, particularly as they have definitely been given your new number and have called you on it.

whatsallthehullaballoo · 17/10/2011 22:09

I think YABU - you are saying that the whole nursery should wait for your daughter to go home before they go out. That is unreasonable. You chose to put your daughter in for half days and therefore, she will miss out on some activities. Children have to learn that sometimes they may not be included in everything.

It was only 5 mins that she was left in the baby room. being comforted by someone. Not left howling at the door/ window.

EricNorthmansMistress · 17/10/2011 22:14

Sorry - you are saying they had an activity planned for the afternoon, which your DD wasn't attending, and they left before you collected her, and you (and she) are both upset about it?

YABU! I thought you meant they had already left before you dropped your DD off and she spent the session in with the babies, that would be out of order. But my DS is 3 and if this had happened to him, and he was upset, I'd promise him something nice if he was a good boy and he'd get over it pronto. I'd also explain that he gets to go with me and do XXX activity while the others stay at nursery and do YYY...no big deal. I simply cannot imagine him being upset for more than a few minutes. I think you need to help your DD get over things like this and not indulge her TBH...

tibywibs · 17/10/2011 22:15

Having read through the posts again I think that I am angry at the way it was handled. I can just picture them all getting their coats on etc and my dd being taken in the baby room by a nursery nurse and told to wave so she knew they were leaving.
if they'd have just taken her in there and given her a toy then I think the whole situation would have been different

OP posts:
BOOareHaunting · 17/10/2011 22:15

Ah, OP, of course she would be upset for a small amount of time to see her friends going to the fair without her, doubt it dominated her weekend. If it did dominate your distraction skills need brushing up on.

Thing is life is full of disappointments, unfairness, it's tough to learn but they still got to.

I would be annoyed about the phone number and the getting the others to wave though. That was incompetent and insulting in that order.

LucyLastik · 17/10/2011 22:16

Another thing is they may have not included your DD in the outings ratio knowing that she was only doing half a day.

breatheslowly · 17/10/2011 22:17

Why don't they have the right phone number for you? That seems like a much bigger issue to me.

greenbananas · 17/10/2011 22:18

Yes, it was the getting her to wave that wound me up when I read your post. This could have been handled much, much better. The trip must surely have been planned well in advance, and the staff should have thought about how your daughter would feel about being the only one not going.

tibywibs · 17/10/2011 22:19

I can see where you're coming from Erics Mistress but it wasn't the fact that they went to the fair, she keeps saying her friends left her. I haven't indulged her and have simply said you'll see them on tuesday but she continues to say it. She asked me at bedtime whether her friends will be at nursery tomorrow so am sure she will tell them they left her when we arrive tomorrow!

OP posts:
MissBeehiving · 17/10/2011 22:20

Unfortunately, in life somethimes you miss out on things, but this isn't a big deal.

I'm not sure nursery could or should have done anything about it - she's not booked in for the afternoon - you were coming to pick your DD up - they can't plan the rest of the nursery activities around what you DD might have wished to do if she had stayed.

tibywibs · 17/10/2011 22:23

breatheslowly, they have just had someone leave in the office so i think the only explaination could be miscommunication.
I remember giving them my new number last year (charlie and lola headed note paper!) and they have called me to collect her when she has been poorly previously so god knows where these things are recorded

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tibywibs · 17/10/2011 22:26

Thank you green bananas for seeing where I'm coming from!

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Glenshee · 17/10/2011 23:09

My DS was doing half days for 1.5 years in the nursery, and nothing like this ever happened during this time (although I had plenty of other concerns for completely different reasons). Isn't it common sense to make sure that part-time children leave before other children start their afternoon activities??

My DD was also doing half days for about a year, and in the same way nothing like this ever happened in her nursery (a different one).

However in pre-school nursery which my both kids attended when they turned three, four-year olds were given lunch and stayed for the full day, whilst three-year olds had to leave about 15 minutes into the lunchtime. I thought this was very odd and unfair on the younger ones, but thankfully my kids didn't think of it as a big deal. Yet our neighbour's boy, when he started there, told me that teachers don't love him in pre-school, because they don't give him food! :( The pre-school was outstanding in every possible way with the exception of this awkward lunchtime timing.

In your situation OP, I would be very upset at the incident with the fair, and would think of it as wrong, avoidable and insensitive. I just wouldn't be able to help it. Still it is not a helpful reaction, because it is aimed at blaming other people instead of resolving the issue with whatever means you have under your control. So even if you feel like this, it's best to try not to inflict this thinking on your child. Just explain it the way it is - that her friends didn't leave her, even though it may have looked like that etc... Don't dwell on it either. I think there's nothing here worth raising with the staff, except the wrong phone number.

troisgarcons · 17/10/2011 23:15

I can just picture them all getting their coats on etc and my dd being taken in the baby room by a nursery nurse and told to wave so she knew they were leaving.

Oh don't be such a bloodydrama queen. You have no idea that happened stop projecting.

i am so upset that they either didn't wait 5 mins until i collected her

hardly a long wait was it? And you said you tooke her to the fair - hardly a marathon up the road to catch up with every one else was it?

lurkerspeaks · 18/10/2011 01:20

There will be plenty of times in her life when one group of people get to go and do something and she doens't.

Not a bad lesson to learn. IMO.

I think you are being overly dramatic.

tibywibs · 18/10/2011 10:03

took dd into nursery as usual this morning.
The manager was waiting for me, she apologized profusely for not taking dd to the fair and also said that in hindsight they should have waited until i collected her.
There was no drama (as some of you seem to think i am creating it). I simply asked if next time we could have the option of an invite and this was agreed.
The phone number situation was a different matter, although is sorted now.
Thanks for all posts and the small amount of understanding involved.

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