In being hacked off at PiL's? (long rant)

[Fuzzled]

This isn't so much an AIBU as a rant as I know I'm probably being a bit U, but it's just getting to me today.

It's my DS's Christening on Sunday. Much later than planned as it was a struggle finding a time that all GP's could manage.

PiL have not seen DS since he was just under 8mo (he's 1.1 now). To be fair, we did plan to take him away on holiday in the summer and stop off at them along the way (they live about 500 miles away) but the heat, DS not coping with it in his buggy, DS being difficult with food and various other things meant that we decided to stay home. In the event, they went on holiday to a destination about 150 miles away, but despite DH suggesting meeting half way so they could see DS it didn't happen.

So now it's their first grandchild being christened and we invited them up to ours after the event to stay for as long as they wanted (he is being christened in my home town as the majority of friends/family are there) but they have declined this. In fact, they are planning to arrive on the Saturday evening and leave early Monday morning.
MiL is a teacher so will be on holiday and FiL is self employed so not dependent on a holiday rota.

I know I can't force them to visit but I feel so hacked off on behalf of my DS that his GP's are essentially going to be strangers to him at his christening

But what really gets me is that MiL has started making pointed comments about my dad and stepmum seeing DS so often. They live abroad, and have the same holidays as MiL, but they come home every holiday to see us and DS (at quite considerable travel expense). However, I have tried inviting PiL up to visit several times and it gets met with a "maybe, we'll see" response.

I just don't know what else I can do to encourage them to visit. It's an open family so I know it's not money related. DH's work means going to them isn't an option so it seems that DS will be missing out.

So I guess I'm being U in expecting them to visit whenever they can, but NU in minding that they don't

Hi there,

Poor you, i can totally understand you disappointment at their lack of involvement.
how does DH feel about this? has he tried talking to them (our rule is i deal with my parents and he deals with his) I think this just helps to avoid being viewed as evil DIL!

It is one thing to have a lack of involvement however to make comments about your parents efforts is completely out of order.

hope this gets easier.

:)

You have to let this one go. I'm in the same position op. My husband is dead 2 years and my FIL has made it up to me once in all that time! My MIL maybe 4 times. They are not bad people they just expect me to bring a 3 year old on a 3 and a half hour car journey every few weeks.

We phone often- they know they are more than welcome, I would 'tease' them about their absence but beyond that I let it go- As much as you would like to, you cannot make them visit.

Next time you speak to them make plans to invite them up for your childs 21st! [hgrin] Exaggeration makes a brilliant point!

Some grandparents don't want to be so involved.

Maybe you could visit them more often?

Your ds is 1.1 - Why are you concerned that pils will be strangers to him at the christening? He's not going pipe up and say, "Oh look x is over there!".
Their absence will have no effect on him at all.
Agree with Fanjo - some gps don't want to be involved. You have invited them and made other suggestions to meet up - the rest is up to them.

I would SO love to have your problem. Be grateful that your inlaws are not too interfering like mine!!

DS is 5 months, MIL has seen him once, at DS's great grandad's funeral. If great grandad hadn't passed away, I don't think she would have seen him at all. I'm sad for DH that his own mother has distanced herself do much, but I concentrate on making sure DS is surrounded by friends and family who will be a big part of his life.

Sounds as if they might only want to be involved when it´s not too much effort.

My husband is an only one & they were overjoyed when we had children.

But we are abroad now & they have never visited (more than 10yrs), & have virtually missed the children growing up.

TBH, I don´t feel that the children have missed out.

The next time they make pointed comments about how often your parents see your ds, just say 'Well, you know that you are welcome to come and see him any time you want - we'd love that." Then bite your tongue before you add; 'and you've been asked plenty of times, so don't get the arse because my parents have made the effort more times than you have!!'

I don't blame you for ranting one bit!