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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder what is the point of "save the date "cards

51 replies

moogster1a · 17/10/2011 13:13

I don't get it. TBH I've only just found out they exist. So people get these printed out and then 6 months later print out more invites and send them out? What is the point. Just send out the one card at the beginning with the date and times on.
Or am I missing out on another example of "I'm getting married, must spend the GDP of a small country"

OP posts:
Trills · 17/10/2011 17:20

It's saying we're getting married on this date but haven't finalised arrangements yet. So people can choose to keep that date free and they'll get the details later.

Exactly that.

YANBU to wonder but I rather think you should have been able to work it out for yourself. Or you could have gone to the Weddings section and asked "What are save the date cards all about then?" because you are not really asking if you are being unreasonable, are you?

"AIBU to think save the date cards are a waste of time?" Now that would be a question of unreasonableness.

duvetdayplease · 17/10/2011 17:24

Fixture - you don't have to RSVP to a save the date, so you just respond to the invite as normal.

I had the least fussy wedding (well, not the least fussy as we actually had a wedding but you get my drift) so I'm not a weddingy maniac, I don't want to come off as some kind of official save the date spokesperson, but really, the people who don't 'understand' the point of them are just being silly. I accept you might not want to use them but in the circs people have described then obviously they are a useful addition to the wedding stationary range of options.

Why am I even posting about this? Its because I am trying to avoid reading Thomas the f*cking tank engine again.

tyler80 · 17/10/2011 17:24

There's no agreement with save the date cards is there? At least not on the one's I've had. It's not been "please confirm you will keep this date free for our wedding" more a "this is the date we'll be getting married, so if you want to come please don't book holiday/other parties etc. for this date"

oohlaalaa · 17/10/2011 17:25

I don't get it either, surely all the close family and friends will have been told of the date ages in advance.

I'd rather send invites out six months early than save the dates. Saves on the postage.

Also, I would not have wanted to commit, to which guests we were inviting, so far in advance. There were two guests, who were not on our original list, but invited us to their wedding. Then there was a guest who spit with long-term partner, so was a singular instead of double.

tabulahrasa · 17/10/2011 17:26

If you've not finalised the arrangements, how can you know they're on that date?

Or do you pick a date send out cards and then try to find a venue that's free on that date?

tyler80 · 17/10/2011 17:27

"Or do you pick a date send out cards and then try to find a venue that's free on that date?"

One set of friends did the above.

MissPenteuth · 17/10/2011 17:32

YABU. THe clue is in the title; it's so people can save the date and not book holidays etc. We got married in Edinburgh during the Festival, so wanted to give people extra time to book accomodation. We printed them ourselves, so it wasn't expensive.

Butkin · 17/10/2011 17:33

We received a "save the date card" for a wedding we were invited to this summer in Kentucky. I was pleased to know well in advance so we could look into flights, hotels, child care arrangements etc.

They knew they were getting married on that date but hadn't made all their arrangements which followed in the normal way (including pre-event tour and dinner, normal reception and lunch the following day).

We thought it was a good idea but have never received one for a wedding over here.

duvetdayplease · 17/10/2011 17:34

Oh my giddy aunt!!!!

Tabulahrasa - some people are adamant they want to get married in the church of St Tibworths in their family village. Only date free is 35th Julember 2025 (its a popular church as its so pretty, what with the steeple and the path and the flowers or whatever). They haven't booked the reception venue yet BUT THEY KNOW UPON WHAT DAY THE WEDDING WILL BE. So they send a save the date card to their loved ones so that hopefully more people will be there than if they didn't.

Then they finalise the remaining details of the day, such as the time and venue of the reception in a convenient location close to St Tibworths, prior to sending out the formal invitations at the usual time.

oohlaalaa · 17/10/2011 17:36

I've had, "we've booked the venue, please save the date" emails and texts. This is plenty good enough.

All my close friends and family, I've known exactlthe date they are getting married, yonks in advance. The only time we have ever booked a holiday on somebody's wedding day, it was an after wedding, and we were not expecting an invite.

We've had two weddings on the same day before now, but just gone for cousin's wedding, over friend's wedding. The weddings were only half an hours drive apart, so we joined friends in evening. If we'd had save the date from our friend, we'd have still chosen cousin's wedding. I think you tend to go for the wedding of the person you are closest with.

gasman · 17/10/2011 18:18

As someone with a busy work schedule if you want me to attend your wedding/ function with any degree of ease you need to give me adequate notice (ie at least 6 months).

Therefore I love save the date cards or emails (or even better magnets that go on my fridge)!

I've only had one difficult situation when I got a save the date and then no wedding invite after a bit of embarrassing shilly shallying around it transpires my invite had got lost and bride was equally cross with me as I hadn't replied by the deadline.

ShriekingLisa · 17/10/2011 18:27

i too dont see the point of them. My cousin sent them out in form of a fridge magnet, have to say its still on the fridge even though im not going to the wedding as it will be full of snobs as we cant afford to go, specially the saturday before christmas.

Waste of money i think.

OldGreyWassailTest · 17/10/2011 18:50

Could you all 'save the date' please for tomorrow - 'cos it's my birthday. [hwink]

PicaK · 17/10/2011 18:51

Well the clue's in the name!

Seriously how could you be upset that someone has taken the time and effort to post something or fail to smile and take pleasure from their joy and excitement.

Besides - bad etiquette to send out invites more than 6 weeks before.....

BeyondLimitsOfTheLivingDead · 17/10/2011 18:57

my sister only had them cause they were free with the invitations!

Birdsgottafly · 17/10/2011 18:58

I think that in the days when most people worked Monday to Friday 9-5, they probably wasn't needed, but nowdays they definatly are.

If your family and friends are in social care, for example, you need the notice to book time off, a weekend/evening may be part of your normal working hours. If you are working in opposite shifts to each other or around the country, time passes quite quickly, inbetween conversations, but it doesn't mean that you aren't 'close' enough to not want to share the wedding etc day.

It also saves the possibility of messages (especially by the menfolk) not being passed on.

HappyMummyOfOne · 17/10/2011 19:02

I dont see the point in them either, i cant imagine delaying a holiday etc because of getting one of these. If the wedding is of somebody important then i'll already know the date.

JeanBodel · 17/10/2011 19:04

I think they're really helpful. I book holidays a year in advance, so it helps me to plan.

Perhaps the people who don't get them, live near to all their close friends and see them regularly? My closest friends and family are scattered all over the country, so they can't inform me face-to-face. A card is nice. Got one on my pinboard as we speak.

MyNameIsInigoMontoya · 17/10/2011 19:12

Well we sent them - but only to those people who we thought might need extra notice; the others just got an invitation later when we had the final details sorted.

Mainly we sent them to people coming from overseas who would need time to sort out flights and possibly time off work, that sort of thing. I think we also sent them to a small number of the "key" people - those close friends and family who we particularly wouldn't want to get married without - just as a reminder so they could put it on their calendars and so on.

Like other people said, before you can send the proper invitations you need to know the exact timings of the ceremony, reception, exactly who you want to invite, and any other details you want to put in - like details of hotels and B&Bs nearby. So they might have to be sent quite a bit later, and then there's the risk of finding some people are already booked up or can't travel. Also if anything changes later on (our wedding time changed due to a problem with the church booking) then it's a pain to sort out once you've sent the invitations.

Makes sense to me!

Fixture · 17/10/2011 19:27

But if you decline, realistically people will wonder why you didn't say before that you weren't free. It will be clear that you didn't "save the date" as instructed, which makes things awkward IMHO.

"you don't have to RSVP to a save the date, so you just respond to the invite as normal"

tyler80 · 17/10/2011 20:12

I am lucky in that I live in a parallel universe where save the dates are just that. And if I decline to attend a wedding of an old uni friend who had sent a save the date in order to go to the wedding of one of my friends who I have known since I was 8 the world doesn't implode. In fact nobody even falls out.

At other times I'm grateful to have had a save the date so I'm not faced with a decision to either cancel flights for a trip to the inlaws or attend a wedding of one of my friends. Instead I can go to the wedding and go to the inlaws a week later - win win.

Perriwinkle · 17/10/2011 20:16

Never heard of such nonsense.

cat64 · 17/10/2011 20:21

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Message withdrawn

Fixture · 17/10/2011 20:38

I think it's the bossy, instructional nature of them that I object to most. The cards bark an order at you - "Save The Date!" Not a "please" or suggestion of choice in sight!

Much nicer to just mention the date to people politely. "We'll be having X event on X date, we'll be sending invitations out later and hope you'll be able to join us".

GalaxyWeaver · 17/10/2011 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.