To feel guilty about using my son as a selling point?

[OKStupid]

Long story short, joined OKCupid - Single dad, Short to Average height (5'9, not ugly but not attractive, average wage at office based job (very geeky job so no women at work) and overall the kind of person who doesn't stand out from any crowd, let alone one trying to find a prospective mate online...

However, I have the most mind blowingly adorable son, who got his looks all from his very attractive mothers side. Huge blue eyes, mop of brown hair, and the cutest smile you could find on a 3 year old. I joined OKCupid but feel very lost in the crowd of desperate men all of which are either better looking/better paid than me, and starting a conversation which is meaningful in that kind of situation is tough. My friends wife recently suggested putting up some pictures of myself with my sprog because she agrees he's a little stunner, and going from there with meeting people (I have no trouble aiming for a meaningful relationship with a single mum, I love kids) and she thinks he could be a huge selling point.

Do you gals think this would be a bit unreasonable, featuring him in my photos/profile? I'm semi justifying it to myself by considering that if someone were to be in a relationship with me, he would be a huge part of their life, I have him pretty much all weekend every weekend, so it woudl be worth them seeing him/knowing about him. But then again it somehow feels sneaky for some reason.
Could I get some honest opinions?

Sigh. YY to true colours. Wish I hadn't bothered. Ah well.

I don't think I was being unreasonable, she was picking on semantics for the sake of being contrarian.

Whoa, I don't see anything in Proudnscary's response to warrant a "fuck off".

Maybe some wires got crossed - it's the internet, it happens. But really, if you can make us go from open-minded help to stepping back from the overly defensive sweary weirdo in 26 posts, perhaps internet dating is not for you.

Awww what am I saying. Bitches ain't sheeeeeet.

Don't need none of this boo sheet, now that I got tha fly honies on Gurardian soulmates I don't have to show nonna dees bitches any 'spect.

REPRESENT

PEACE!

Yes, dear.

Taxi !

OKStupid, I think perhaps you need to go to bed.

Either you are having a massive personality implosion or you are suddenly ver ver drunk. You are not doing yourself any favours with people who were helping you.

I got in the bath the other day and it was a bit chilly. Couldn't reach the hot tap, you know the rest.

I....well. Huh.

All woman do not want guys who look like Greek Gods. Don't put your son in your profile pics, if you do at least blur out his face. If I were a single mom looking through profiles, I would not be impressed with someone who put his child's face on a dating site, it is not the type of thing I would want someone to do with my kids picture. So it would have reverse effect. I would go to a pay site I think.
Although to be truthful, I hope I would be able to meet someone on the "outside", through a common interest, or group of some sort that we both belonged to.
Things on "The List" would go something like this.
Steadily employed
Non smoker/drinker or a light drinker
Good sense of humour
Respectful and kind
Clean
Car and license
Own home
Not a string of kids with different woman
Some interests in common with mine.

By the way, I don't get the bath joke, I asked my husband he didn't know what it meant either.

Putting kids on photos will turn off some men but more importantly it will interest others and not for the right reasons.

Time and time again there are media stories of men (and it is usually men) who look through face book, other social sites, dating sites looking specifically for vunerable single women with children.

I would think you were mad to put up a childs picture - and that includes FB too.

Would turn me right off (assuming I was single and looking) - I wouldn't date a guy with a kid - mainly because of some of the attitudes on here toward fella's new partners to be honest - they vary from the angry to the utterly homicidal and I wouldn't want to have to be that figure of hatred from an ex-partner.

I'd actually think "drip with no selling points of his own so he's trying on the cute factor - saddo" really.

I had a single male friend with a 5 year old daughter. He SEVERELY overestimated the pulling power of the kid as an accessory. I did not have the heart to tell him that the kid would put me OFF him, not enhance his chances.

OP,no matter how adorable you think your son is, others are unlikely to share your view. Remember, everyone thinks their OWN children are the most beautiful and appealing children in the world.

You sound funny and clever. Leave the kid out of the picture for now and good luck !

"I'm sorry, woman, if I offended you by calling you a lady when you don't consider yourself to be one, but I personally consider it polite and respectful to refer to a group of female as ladies, and I say it with utmost respect".

I'll try and find yesterday's thread about how phrases like "with respect" are usually taken to mean "that speaker is about to be massively and unapologetically rude". Using "ladies" as an unmarked term is off-putting and demeaning, especially when in juxtaposition with other hostile use of language.

As your posting style here isn't inspiring confidence, and as you admit you do not interact much beyond a narrow selection of colleagues, I am left wondering if relying on the Internet is going to prove counterproductive. What do you do to meet people outside work? Not just to meet women, but just to remain a participant in society. Could you do more of that, or add new things?

But to answer question in OP: no it wouldn't BU, providing you have his mother's consent.

You might find cute puppy would be more effective, though.

(Lack of) respect thread.

Ha, did you read the whole thread jasper?
Alarm bells as soon as the "crazy ex" was mentioned: don't they all have a crazy/psycho ex?

I am on a dating site, and I skip past pics of men with their kids. Wouldn't even consider getting involved with someone who thinks it's appropriate to use their children in that way.

Similarly, anyone who puts detail about their kids in their profile.

All mine says is that I have kids - not how many, or their ages or anything - because anyone I meet is not going to be meeting them for months and months anyway. So I don't feel that it's relevant.

HTH.

I thought I was pretty restrained in response to his 'fuck off' so thanks to all who scolded him on my behalf!

'Fuck off's aside, OP sounds like the kind of man I run a mile from for reasons given above by me and others - the OTT 'mind blowingly' beautiful child (yep we all melt at our own kids, anyone sane doesn't seriously expect others to), the 'utmost respect for ladies' , the turning nasty at the flick of a switch when not challenged, and, well, touting out said angelic child in search of some lovin' of the laydees.

when challenged sorry, not when not challenged

Yes thanks Sausage.

And it's perfectly possible his ex is crazy. Being accused of Hiding microphones in the sofa is not sane.

Also , it was a WOMAN who suggested to OP he should use his son to attract women. OP was not totally comfortable with this idea, hence asking for opinions here.

I'm always quite grateful when I see pics of kids or evidence of them in profiles as at least that way you know what you are letting yourself in for.

I'm also equally amazed at the pictures of "my gorgeous son and I" followed by a very non descript picture an A.N.Other small child and their Dad.....

Dont you dare put pics of your son on a dating site, you are aware are you not that peados are female too.

Hahahahahaha mad thread. Fantastic insight from Fabby as usual :)