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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To change my name to something ridiculous before my wedding?

42 replies

StuntCubble · 16/10/2011 21:32

I need to change my name before we get married because I changed it by deedpoll to be the same as the Dcs but now we are getting married I don't want to say do you mr sc take miss sc etc etc as it sounds like we are either related or already married.

So do I just change back to maiden name or do I do a Phoebe and become princess consula banana hammock or similar?

OP posts:

EricNorthmansMistress · 16/10/2011 22:01

It really does
I don't know what to suggest anymore.

Original poster

StuntCubble · 16/10/2011 22:02

I am normal honest

OP posts:

BabyJanesDummy · 16/10/2011 22:10

Just out of nosiness (not judgy I promise, just very nosey), when you changed your name by deedpoll to be the same as the DC why didn't you just get married then?

Original poster

StuntCubble · 16/10/2011 22:13

Hmm, not sure really, I was pregnant with dc3 and didn't want to get married whilst pregnant and fat. I guess we could have done very basic registry office and no one there but I wanted it to be a proper party. I had another dc after number 3 and now seems the time iyswim.

OP posts:

BabyJanesDummy · 16/10/2011 22:21

I can totally understand not wanting to be pg for your wedding!

EGnHJsmum · 16/10/2011 22:22

If you want to use your maiden name you will have to change it by deedpoll but when you are married you can choose if you want to take hubbys name or not. when you change your name all passport, driving license, bank details, doctors etc etc will have to be changed so would be a bit of a pain in the bum but if you did it just before you got married it would then change back to his name when married, that way you wouldnt need to change anything could just add mrs if your not already using it. so if just want to do it so that on marriage cert wont have same names that would be the easiest.

i know we get weird ideas about stuff but even if other peeps thinks its mad its important to you. i didnt want our address to be the same on our marriage cert so registered as mums house so that we had different, mad as we had been living together 4 years!! lol

zipzap · 16/10/2011 23:15

I know one couple where the groom changed his name by deed poll the day before the wedding - his bride was his second wife and had the same first name as his first wife so was forever being referee to as xxx 2 which she didn't like.

They worked out that if the groom had a different surname she would no longer be No 2. So groom ditched surname and used his middle name as his surname (luckily it was one that works properly as a surname) and they were both thrilled. And also thought they would leave it as a nice surprise for the wedding...

The groom's father on the otherhand was aghast when he discovered (they must have been announced at some point in the ceremony as mr and mrs middlename) and would probably have tried to stop the ceremony if he had realised earlier in the ceremony. Not that he cared about his son or dil's feelings just was horrified that his son was getting rid of his family name... He has two other sons, one of which had a dd the other of which at the time didn't have kids. And 3 dd had already married so they'd all changed their name getting wed so no chance of extending the line that way.

Which is all a very long way of saying if you do change your name, make sure you warn anyone you think might have the potential to be upset!

Did you have a nickname for yourself as a little girl which is what you thought of yourself as? An alter ego or the nickname your imaginary friend called you? That could be a good one to use or at least add into your maiden name even if it was going to be changed back after a day or two into your married name...

sarahtigh · 16/10/2011 23:31

in scotland they use your whole name in the wedding vows

I think but am not sure that you can only change your surname by deedpoll every 3? years you can change first names more often ( but maybe that's scotland as its not called deedpoll here either)

do you not have to get married in the names on the published banns etc so if someone wants to object in theory they know who it is

piprabbit · 16/10/2011 23:38

So your real name would seem silly - but banana hammock would be OK??? .

sugarandspiceandallthingsnice · 16/10/2011 23:44

DH and I had this - we double barrelled and he took the double barrelled name before the wedding so that when we married I could take his. Meant we already shared a name. Tbh I wasn't really bothered, we had a giggle about it on the wedding invites (and got the 'inbreeding' jokes as we live in Norfolk!) but most people knew, or didn't notice/care and our first names were used in the ceremony anyway [hsmile]

eaglewings · 16/10/2011 23:48

Quickest way would be to talk with the minister taking the wedding. Here he just uses first names if they request, full names or first and middle name.....

As for the register, not sure you have to give previous names, just ask

piprabbit · 17/10/2011 10:11

BTW, there were a couple in the papers over the weekend. He was Mr. Pugh, she was Ms. Martin (I think) and when they got married they both name changed and became Mr & Mrs Puffin.

Splinters · 17/10/2011 11:18

If you're getting married in England, I think the only place where it makes a difference is on your marriage certificate (although that is obv the most permanent piece of paper from the whole day!). That is all made out in whatever your legal name is immediately before the ceremony, so if you don't feel happy with whatever your legal surname is now, you might think about changing it -- maybe not to a joke name though?

The main reason women who change their names on marriage need to show their certificate is to prove that they have changed, though, and if you already have docs showing that name (because you changed by deed poll earlier), you probably won't be flashing your certificate around much anyway, so maybe it doesn't matter what it says?

TartyMcFarty · 17/10/2011 11:30

I'm in Wales, and some of my Jones, Evans and Davies friends have married Joneses, Evanses and Davieses. Not a problem.

dmo · 17/10/2011 11:50

my sister and her boyfriend have the same surname not related by by chance

Littlefish · 17/10/2011 21:46

I've just remembered a couple I used to know who, once they were married, had the same name, with just the first name spelled slightly differently in the male and female forms.

Vizzini · 17/10/2011 23:11

YABU. I got married last week. DH and I already had the same surname (it's very common ). It's fantastic as I don't have to change signature, passport, driving licence etc. As someone already said, everyone at the wedding will know your situation anyway. On our wedding day nearly everyone in the church had the same surname - we thought it was funny.

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