or I am normal. So scared something will go wrong with my baby

[catgirl1976]

I am normally a confident person undaunted by anything. But..I am 36 weeks pregnant and so happy other than this terrible lurking fear that something will go wrong with the baby.

Everywhere I look there is something about still birth or infant death. Of course I know no one can guarantee nothing bad will happen but I am starting to feel like I am seeing so much bad stuff because it is a "sign". I don't actually, normally believe things like that but I am so worried.

Is this normal? Is it just part of being pregnant or am I losing the plot?

Sorry

Completely normal OP. When I was pg I was convinced that something would go wrong. There seemed to be things on the news all the time about miscarraige and stillbirth. I remember counting the kicks and making a couple of mad dashes to the MW because I was so worried and convinced myself something was wrong.

I never unpacked any baby clothes or got anything organised because I thought it would "jinx" me.

Everything was absolutely fine and now, as PP have said, I worry about other things, checking breathing etc.

I think it's scary because you feel you have no control over it, FWIW I found I was most anxious in the last 4 weeks.

You are totally normal, try not to worry too much and good luck

Totally normal and exacerbated sometimes by hormones or if you are tired (which you usually are at 36 weeks pregnant).

Its not a sign.

Some people here have said it will pass but I haven't found that I'm afraid. Just new anxieties.

Thanks again to everyone - this has helped. It just isnt talked about in RL do you dont feel you can share your worries so its hard to know if you are normal - am glad to hear I am :) appreciate all the support - thank you x

Its very normal to worry but try not to . I could give you stats for cot death and the risk is pretty small, but taking the advice you are given will minimise the risks. Then if anything did happen ....... which hopefully it won't, you will have nothing to reproach yourself for. Still birth does seem common on here but it is also quite rare in RL, I haven't encountered any in a year in the practices I have worked at and see lots of babies, midwives could probably give stats for that if it would help. If it does happen it is usually something that was beyond control if you are taking care of yourself.

doesn't stop when they are born either, first it is sids, then, well anything really. it is worse when you are stressed, danger lurks at every corner. I am more worried about dd than about ds for some strange reason.

Agree with BES. i am always worrying about mine - getting home on the bus, swine flu, nutter with a knife. i thought once i had delivered it would ease up but noooo! it just keeps going on and thats what will make you a good mum because you will care about your kids and do everything you can to keep them safe. i would be more concerned if you werent a little bit anxious. try and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy - a golden time of anticipation that those of us past it still dream a bit about ( or at least i do) be aware of what could go wrong but don't let it spoil your enjoyment. i read somewhere it was an hormonal thing like nest building/cleaning the house before you go into labour. good luck

Totally and utterly normal. The intrinsic fear that something will happen to them never goes away - DS has passed 6 foot and play prop forward and I still worry that he will be attacked if he's out when its dark

Totally normal.

Tbh, I didn't worry so much about my first pregnancy, despite there being some complications. Once she was born however I had these horrid visions of bad things happening which so freaked me out I didn't dare tell anyone.

I found MN around dd's 1st birthday and realised these visions were so normal (they were happening a lot less by then) but as a result of hearing more pregnancy stories, seeing how common miscarriage is, and generally being aware of more pregnancy related stuff meant that most of my second pregnancy was filled with worry and what ifs. I remember getting the 12wks and being so relieved when I had the scan that there was a healthy baby there and I hadn't miscarried despite never having any sign or reason to think so. Mostly I think because of the amount I saw happening here. A lot of people come to MN when they have a problem and need support so we hear more of bad things than hood I think iyswim?

It's totally normal. I am 33 weeks with no.4 and feel the same - I spent a morning last week at the hospital as the baby hadn't kicked all morning and I was terrified (it was fine though!) I keep feeling that I've had 3 healthy babies so statistically I'm more likely to have something go wrong this time - stupid I know.

A couple of practical things that help(ed)me are -

A foetal heart monitor - might be late in the day to get one, but gives you great reassurance if you feel reduced movement, ALTHOUGH you should still always get reduced movement checked out as a HB on its own is not a sign that all is ok. But great for the middle of the night if you're lying there stressing.

An Angelcare or other breathing sensor monitor for when the baby is born. Expensive, but I have used it each time and it also gave me huge peace of mind as it goes off if the baby stops breathing and makes you less fearful about cot death. Remember too that cot death, although it does still sadly happen, is less common than it was.

Other people may post saying these things are not worth it but if you're paranoid they could help.

Remember the hospital will happily see you if you are worried. You're nearly there so try to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy - it's very unlikely something will go wrong, and if in doubt, call the hospital, they won't mind. Good luck.

Thanks all - uselesspregnantmum I have got the Angelcare movement monitor and I did ocnsider the heartbeat monitor but thought I would never be off it!

I think the scale of the responsiblity has hit me and agree it is probably a hormone / instinct thing kicking in as well to build a protectivness.

I just love him so much already and cannot believe I am respionsible for growing him, making sure he is healthy and getting him safely into the world. Prior to this, the most responsbility I have had is feeding the cats. A big step!

For me it doesn't stop and i have to think about it as a positive way of keeping my baby safe. My little girl is now 2 and every day i imagine so many awful life threatening things happening to her. It drives me crazy as i never used to be scared of life - but i am so careful with her without being over-protective. It makes me incredibly aware and hopefully this holds her a little safer in life... I wish you well OP in the next few months

I think it's pretty normal. I was physically really well with both my pregnancies, but I didn't enjoy them because I worried the whole way through. And as others have said, once the baby comes there will be even more stuff to worry about

Yes, totally normal!

I sometimes found reading about everything that could go wrong was helpful though, I felt like more knowledge was a bit empowering somehow.

It ended up being a good thing because when I was in labour, I insisted on seeing a consultant when the midwives were being a bit blase about something, and was whisked off for an EMCS.

Try not to read Daily Mail type horror stories though! If you read proper health websites, you will be reassured by how unlikely it is that things will happen.

(obviously the best thing is not to think about this stuff at all, but I found it really difficult myself )

I think that most of us have this but it can become unhealthy.

I had pregnancy-related OCD in my last pregnancy. I became obsessed with swine flu and I wouldn't touch surfaces, travel on public transport etc, had to constantly wipe down tables, wash my hands etc, and I thought constantly about death, staying up for hours reading about stillbirth and "preparing myself" for what was going to happen. I am in early pregnancy now and one of the reasons I knew I was pregnant this time (wasn't trying) was because I started to feel extremely anxious again and started having vague panic attacks.

For me, it was just an amplification of natural tendencies. I had a very anxious childhood in an alcoholic home and though I manage well in day to day life I struggle in pregnancy which must be at least partly related to hormones (though I think also relates to my concerns/fears about wanting to give my children a better home than I had when I know that really my parents started off with the best of intentions).

The thing is, whatever will be will be. While all endeavours to raise awareness of SIDs and stillbirth and improve maternity services/have women go in for monitoring if they have any concerns are needed and fantastic, sadly some babies will still die and we don't have control over this. The key is to know the risks but not let fear overtake your life. Relaxation can help, also not really allowing yourself to get into "what if" thinking or thinking too much about it to the extent it overshadows life. Count kicks, do the practicalities but avoid seeking out upsetting stories of stillbirth at this point in your pregnancy as they won't help you or anyone else one bit. No one should ignore or deny the experiences of anyone who has suffered this terrible loss but late pregnancy is not the time to investigate them in any great detail beyond the basics of knowing how to keep yourself safe.