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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think the advice my friends gave me regarding putting my cat to sleep is wrong

44 replies

filiscare · 14/10/2011 11:42

Short story, my cat is dying, she has adenocarcinoma (despite being only four years old), has had one tumour removed and now it has returned with avengeance. The vet is concentrating on palliative care and has said to just keep her comfortable, but we are basically looking at a matter of weeks.
The vet is keeping a close eye on her and says that as long as she is eating/using the tray and seems content/happy she wont put her to sleep but it will be something we will have to think about soon.
Was talking about this with my friends last night who suggested it may be kinder to put her to sleep now while she is still comfortable rather than wait for her to get poorly again. The scary thing is my DH seemed to be agreeing with this, I dont think its right and I'm not ready to lose her now, so can someone please come and tell me I'm right and we should leave her be a bit longer.

OP posts:

Original poster

filiscare · 14/10/2011 20:55

I think I'm just scared I'm not going to know when she's ready or I may do it too early, I just feel so confused. Have vets appointment in the morning will write everything down I need to ask and will definitely look into being at home when the time comes, I didn't know you could do that.

OP posts:

DrCoconut · 14/10/2011 21:02

Glastochick, I know what you mean. Our cat was very ill. We knew he was dying but held off PTS until the time was right. We just knew that day that his time had come and sad though it was (I was really gutted) we know we did the right thing and have no regrets. OP, do what feels right, your intuition will guide you.

pinkytheshrinky · 14/10/2011 21:09

I'm not ready to lose her

But it is not about you is it.

If the cat is going to die surely it is better to do it too early than too late and allow her to suffer at all.

Onemorning · 14/10/2011 21:09

fili I'd take your vet's advice. I lost a lovely cat last year to cancer, he was receiving palliative care and had a fantastic few months. He went downhill quite quickly and the vet made the decision to put him to sleep.

troisgarcons · 14/10/2011 21:13

Sorry about your beloved cat - but I would listen to the vet.

SmethWitchBelle · 14/10/2011 21:19

I think there comes a point where you look at them and you think, "you're miserable" and having them put to sleep becomes the least awful option. If you're not at that point yet, leave your pussycat, enjoy her and give her lots of fuss. It is all horrible though, I'm so sorry.

SouthernandCross · 14/10/2011 21:32

I think it's quite likely that whenever you choose to put a pet to sleep, part of you will think it was too early and part of you will worry it was too late. It's a very personal thing.
Very few of my clients choose euthanasia at exactly the same time as I would have, if I'd owned the animal. Unless your vet is completely callous ( and there are a few around, I'm afraid), they will be honest if they think you cat is suffering.
I'd suggest you make a list of the things she loves to do when she's quite well; get stroked under the chin, lie in certain spots in the house, go outside and sit on the fence, drink from the bathroom tap; and keep an eye on how those behaviours change. Changes in behaviour are often the first signs of pain or illness in animals.
You might be able to say when she can't do X anymore, I'll know it's time.
Sometimes thinking about these things beforehand gives you the strength to do what needs to be done when you might otherwise ignore it.

mycatsaysach · 14/10/2011 21:36

if you're not sure then i'd say its not the right time yet.

zukiecat · 14/10/2011 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PreviouslyonLost · 14/10/2011 21:49

filiscare just wanted to say you'll know when it's time and if you have a vet guiding you then you're doing all that you can to ensure there's no suffering. How can your friend know what quality of life your pet has?

We have an ancient old cat who has been hale and hearty until very recently - he was rescued from a friend who didn't look after him very well for most of his life. I love the bones of this animal but I know I'll know when it's time.

LoopyLoopsPussInBoots · 14/10/2011 21:49

My position is different after having had a very close friend die of cancer.

Now, I would say to do it when they start feeling tired. As soon as she felt really tired she begged an begged the doctors to help her but they couldn't. :(

MsWetherwax · 15/10/2011 02:03

I'm sorry to her about your cat, but tbh I'd be inclined to listen to your friends. I lost my cat at the age of 22 last year, and for the last few weeks of her life my vet also recommended extortionate Pallitive care. Over the weeks she became weaker and weaker, and eventually was unable to even make it to the litter tray, which distressed her even more. She was still eating though, so the vet continued to eke a few more quid out of us treat her, until eventually she passed away in my arms at 3am having spent the last few hours writhing in agony. A few months ago I bumped into the nurse at said vets, who informed me she had left, as she felt that this particular vet was prolonging the lives of pets regardless of their quality of life in order to bump up the bills of distraught owners.

Having had Tootsie most of my adult life, I spent much more money than was sensible for an extra two months with her, and I allowed a vet to talk me into keeping her alive when really she would have suffered much less if I hadn't been such a wimp about letting her go.

Before I get flamed, I am not suggesting all vets are crooks by any means, but please please be careful, and make sure if you do opt to continue with pallitive care that you are doing it in the interests of your Moggy, not because you can't bear to say goodbye or because your vet is playing you along to bump your bill up.

Llanarth · 15/10/2011 08:04

I'm so sorry about your cat. I had my dog PTS earlier this week and it was so upsetting, so I know how you are feeling.

I'm not sure you can rely on the frequent assertion here 'you will know instinctively when the time is right'. For some people that time doesn't come until too late.

Having had a number of dogs PTS over recent years (we adopt elderly dogs) in all cases the timing has been an intellectual decision (in conjunction with the vet) rather than an instinctive one.

One helpful thing the vet said to consider is "is this animal laying down any more happy memories?". i.e. if the animal is merely existing without taking any pleasure from life, or worse, is laying down memories of pain, or mental distress (such as through unavoidable soiling in previously fastidiously clean cats) then you are not doing the animal any favours by keeping them alive.

I have to say that if it is going to be a matter of weeks anyway, and the end might be painful (rather than just slipping away peacefully in sleep) then I would probably pre-empt it as your friend suggests.

VivaLeBeaver · 15/10/2011 08:38

I think that animals are very good at hiding when they're in pain. If it's only a matter of weeks I would do it now. I'm sorry.

Midori1999 · 15/10/2011 09:11

I'm sorry to hear about your cat.

FWIW, if the outcome is inevitable, I would put her to sleep now.

I have had animals put to sleep, one of which I consider now (and then!) was too late. One was a pony who couldn't walk anymore and the vet was still saying we could leave it a few days if we wanted and give him painkillers. FFS! I have been very careful since to make sure that the animal's quality of life and right to be painfree comes first and not my own feelings. I have also seen people let animals live far too long, IMO, often with their vets 'advice' and it just isn't fair on the animal.

I think vets will always try and be kind and think of the owner as well as the animals and I suppose they do have a duty to do this, because losing a pet can be so traumatic for the owner.

Making sure our animals don't suffer is one of the biggest things we owe them though.

DuchessofMalfi · 15/10/2011 09:23

We've had to have two cats put to sleep, both for the same problem unfortunately. Both times we went with the vet's advice and accepted the treatment they recommended. If we hadn't had pet insurance the treatment they did get wouldn't have been possible, but it really only prolonged their lives for a while.

I try not to get too emotionally attached to my pets, but it is really hard. The first cat, I think, we prolonged his life far too long, and spent far too much money trying to keep him alive. The second cat we made a quicker decision, knowing what he would be facing if we tried to prolong his life too long.

LordOfTheFlies · 15/10/2011 10:00

filiscare does your cat go out at the moment?

Our 17 yo rescue cat was gradually winding down over the last year of her life, losing weight but still good appetite.Going out but not venturing outside her garden, there were lots of new cats around and her geriatric (21yo) friend next door had died.

It was very hot summer, she didn't seem to be coping well.I took her to the vet for a check up, but concerned about the weight. She had an overactive thyroid which the vet said could be medicated but I thought "for who's benefit?"

She could go blind or have a fit.

What concerned me was if she felt the end was nigh ,she might wander off herself.

The vet was in agreement with me to PTS. I took her in a week later and it was very peaceful.I feel I did the best thing for the old girl.

Original poster

filiscare · 16/10/2011 11:28

lordoftheflies strangely enough she used to love going out but about six weeks ago our neighbour got a cat that seems to always be out and attacks our cat when she's out, so she doesn't go out anymore. Which makes me sad.
Although it has started coming into our house and attacking our cat I'm really worried about the effect of the stress of this on my cat

OP posts:

MrsBaggins · 16/10/2011 11:38

Only you know how poorly your cat is .
TBH I simply couldnt bear to watch the slow decline - I think having your cat put to sleep is the kindest thing.

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