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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let an 8 year old and a 10 year old travel cross country by train alone.

61 replies

LadySybil · 14/10/2011 10:34

I think i am. but cant work out any other way of making half term work. tell me if i am being ridiculous

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 14/10/2011 11:08

Well, just so you know there are other opinions out there (even if wrong and in the minority) then I would consider it provided that they has reserved seats and I saw them onto those seats at the start of the journey.

At 14 I spent the summer roaming all over Majorca with my 9 year old brother in tow (we stayed with my aunt but she worked so we saw her for tea every evening) so I would be quite horrified if my kids weren't similarly capable at that age.

pigletmania · 14/10/2011 11:15

Yabvu far too young. You would never forgive yourself if anything happened to them. Why do people want their kids to grow up before their time.

pigletmania · 14/10/2011 11:17

Next you will be kicking them out at 14!

pigletmania · 14/10/2011 11:27

It's not worth the worry they are only little, as for the 14 year old, it's a lot of responsibility for him/her. How much do you trust him. How responsible is he/her. He might be capable of taking himself about independently, but how would he cope with an 8 and 10 year old

squeakytoy · 14/10/2011 11:27

I think with a sensible 14 year old, it would be fine actually. Especially if they are being put onto the train, and being met off the train.

In fact, if the 10yo is sensible anyway, I would not be too worried if they were simply going to be put on, and met off, the train, to let them go on their own.

DogsBeastFiend · 14/10/2011 11:31

Good Lord! Shock

Absolutely ridiculous. I'm shocked that anyone would even consider it.

DogsBeastFiend · 14/10/2011 11:33

Additionally, I wouldn't send them with a 14 YO either. It is not the 14 yo's job to care for and ensure the wellbeing of an 8 yo and a 10 yo - it's yours.

DurhamDurham · 14/10/2011 11:35

I let dd1 travel to London with a friend when she was 16 but I wouldn't have let her take dd2 who was 12 at that time. It would be fine if everything went to plan but it rarely does.

It's a huge responsibilty for a 14 year old.

Flamingredhead · 14/10/2011 11:42

weigh it up only you know the 14 year old concerned and your other dc .Like I said I would allow ds2 to do the trip and can trust him .He would know what to do if one of dc became unwell or if for any reason was problem on train and they ahd to ge t of at a station ( sadly a younfg amn lost his life and this meant ds2 was at starnge station for 3 hours before being able board a train .( no he did not ahve youngerdc with him ) but they are what you need to be aware of , power failures so stuck middle of nowhere for few hrs etc

But yes at 10 and 8 it may be a bit to much . as unlike on a plane where the staff are always around in case of concerns is not the same as on a train

pigsinmud · 14/10/2011 11:43

My mil wanted ds1 (13) to do a 3 hour train journey to see her. Involves a change of train and I said no way. Sil suggested in summer that my just 13 year old took my 5 year old dd2 on this same journey. I was so flabbergasted I couldn't speak!

I can't imagine letting him until he is 15/16. He is not the most confident type and I just imagined the panic if the train broke down and he was stuck at Swindon.

My first big train journey on my own was in sixth form - T Wells to Swansea and T wells to Aberystwyth - when I was just 17. It was fine, but I was used to going up to London etc..

pigsinmud · 14/10/2011 11:45

I remember being put on a train when I was about 7 and my brother was 12 and we went up to London. My dad met us at Charing Cross and we went to look at Christmas lights and went to Hamleys! This was the 70s though - guard kept a close eye on us and made sure we met our dad ok.

I think yabu.

valiumredhead · 14/10/2011 11:45

In situations like this it is never getting off at the wrong stop, or missing their train, train breaking down etc that worries me. It's other passengers that I would be concerned about, the drunk ones that come and plonk themselves down next to you, or the ones that start arguments for no good reason about nothing but escalate. You need to think about wether or not a 10 and 8 year old would have the maturity to know what to do in a situation like that. Would they be confident to get up and move to another carriage?

My view is clouded after a nasty experience on a bus journey home where a man sat next to me ( I was by the window he was on the outside seat) and masturbated the entire hour's journey. It was awful and I was too frightened to get up and move - I was about 13 at the time.

Yes, I was really unlucky that happened, but it can happen and a hundred different scenarios also that a 10 year old is far too young to deal with. I am definitely not in the camp of 'every bloke is a danger' but a 10 and 8 yr old on a long journey? No way!

I give my ds a lot of freedom, he has walked to and from school since he was 9 as the school is 15 mins away, he goes out to play with his mates and to the local shops but I would never consider what you are describing OP.

Teetik · 14/10/2011 11:49

No way
As an adult I find it hard keeping on top of announcements if something has gone wrong (let's face it, that's normal these days) and 10 is too young. At 13/14 I did this and found it stressful but not impossible.

You're just a bit away with the fairies still at 10 - I wouldn't do it.

Flamingredhead · 14/10/2011 11:49

sclike ds1 was like that ds2 is not he has been to London few times now to meet his grandad nad can negotiate the tubes no hassle

amicissima · 14/10/2011 12:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

winnybella · 14/10/2011 12:11

Sorry, I don't understand what the problem is? Confused It's a direct travel, you put them on the train, someone picks them up at the other end.

Unless they are so immature that you suspect they may attempt jumping out of windows while the train is in motion...what do you lot think may happen to them?

Laquitar · 14/10/2011 12:15

Do you mean that you are sending your dcs to Grandparents?

I remember when i was nannying i have done few jobs like this (escorting children on journeys). It will be very costy to hire a nanny and pay her ticket and her full day but what about a 16-17yo or a NNEB student or a young Nursery worker? who might fancy going to London for free, so you pay her/him the ticket only?
Considering that the destination is london, the deal might be attractive.
It is still costy though, it depends where you are and how much the ticket cost.

VivaLeBeaver · 14/10/2011 12:15

As its a direct train and youre putting them on it and someone else is getting them off it I'd be fine with this. You could text the number of the carriage they're in to the person at the other end so they know which carriage to go to. Does the train terminate at Paddington, which would lessen the risk of them missing their stop. But if you know the carriage number then the person at the other end can always haul them out!

WowOoo · 14/10/2011 12:17

My husband used to travel alone on train when he was 8. Nothing bad ever happened. Someone saw him on and picked him up other end.

I don't think it's that bad.

VivaLeBeaver · 14/10/2011 12:17

I'd escort kids to London in return for a free train ticket. Grin

lesley33 · 14/10/2011 12:59

I think it depends on the 14 year old and the 10 and 8 year old. If the 10 and 8 year old would behave well and the 14 year old is just there in case any problems, then i think its fine. If the 14 year old might have to make the 8 and 10 year old behave, then no.

Jemma1111 · 14/10/2011 14:34

No way should you let them go alone!, anything could happen to them!

whackamole · 14/10/2011 14:39

I wouldn't. We have this problem with 10 YO DSS - he has moved 200 miles away we don't have a car so I'm going to have to put OH on the train there to collect him, to come straight back.

I guess some 10 YO might be ok, but ours is simply not mature enough. Compounded by the fact he is dyslexic and can't/won't even try and read signs to make sure he is on the right track if he needs to change, we're not going to risk it!

Teetik · 14/10/2011 14:39

Trains aren't exciting but they are very busy now, very cramped, and there are random stops in the middle of nowhere with distracted announcements by the steward. People put their bags right on top of your bags, or (stresses me terribly) they hoick out your bags from the shelf bits and leave them right near the door or in the middle of a gangway.

If I was 10 and I couldn't find my bag just before I was going to get off...the train was pulling in...doors open, no bag...I'd shit myself. I find it stressful enough as an adult.

I'm talking about the mainline trains going north/south, mainly. I know there are gentler train lines. And your kids might not be taking luggage with them?

Hulababy · 14/10/2011 14:40

I would say it is too young, at both 8y and 10y.

Granted it is a driect train and someone will meet them. That is great so long as everything goes to plan, there are no delays, no issues, etc. When everything goes as it should then it would probably be fine.

It is when things don't go to plan where the issue arises. What happens if there is a problem mid jounrney and they find themselves having to get off the train? What happens if something goes wrong, as is not that unlikely with national rail after all? Would they know what to do? Would they still be okay?

I think with such situations you have to consider the what ifs, as with public transport this is not that unusual for things to not go to plan.

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