to be very upset at my DP at the moment

[knittynoodle]

Our 10mo DS is teething so wakes easily at the moment. DP had to work late last night - 9pm - and was going to the cinema with his friends after. I didnt mind because bedtime is 7pm so it makes no diffference what time DP comes home, as once DS is down, he usually stays down so Id have the evening to myself for once.

Well not last night.

DS was sick in my hair at 7pm. But he went down at 7.30 fairly nicely. Then, just as I was about to get myself settled for the evening, the house phone rings. We live in a tiny flat and the phone is LOUD. My DS was well and truly up after that.

I settled him again (45 minutes) and was about to move away to start my evening. The phone rings again. I slammed it down without answering and then unplugged it, but DS was awake.

I settled him AGAIN (40 minutes) and finally found out it was my DP and Mum calling me. For no reason, just for a chat. They both know when bedtime is. By now I was crying with frustration. It was now past 9 o clock. I ate some dinner and got in the bath to wash the sick out of my hair.

DP came home and woke DS up when he shut the front door. I asked if he could settle him, seeing as I was in the bath. DS didn't settle after 5 minutes so DP asked if I could get out of the bath to do it. I did. DP could see I was crying and said nothing.

We went to bed (well, DP fell asleep on the sofa while I was settling the baby) and after an hour, DS woke again. DP got up to go to him and after a while I heard a scream like he was in pain. DP was holding him down in his cot?!?!?! I asked DP what the hell he was doing and he said 'Ive been at work all day, cant you shut him up'. ER.... IVE BEEN TRYING BUT YOU BASTARDS KEEP WAKING HIM UP!!!!!!!!

DS and I moved to the front room to sleep for the night and I hate my DP's guts this morning. AIBU?

• I realise our main problem is the size of this shoebox flat.

YANBU

Is your DH working late tonight? Perhaps the two of you could spend some time together, keeping calm, and have a talk about last night, and some ideas for going forward.

You really need to turn off the phone at night, tbh I'm not sure why you don't if you know it will wake up the baby. You never know who might call, not knowing your schedule.

Is there anything you can do about the baby waking up when someone comes home? What's waking him up, the door shutting?

Also I've found camomile really helped my DS sleep when teething, he woke up far less.

It's so awful to lose a night to yourself, can you give yourself another night this weekend?

why have a loud phone in a tiny flat (you can normally adjust/turn off ringer)

why have a phone if no one is allowed to call for a chat - they knew kid would be asleep so perfect time

why on earth didnt you turn off phone after first interruption instead of getting in a state about it

It's so awful to lose a night to yourself,

she didnt really, she managed to have dinner and a bath - not exactly not having any me time

Our house phone is actually emergency only. Only my mum and his mum even have the number. We dont use it to chat, we use our mobiles, which is why I was so annoyed that they'd both used it just to talk to me about bollox. I wasnt answering my mobile because I was busy with the baby so surely you would think 'ah, she obviously cant talk right now'.

Yeah you are right one nerve. Washing sick from your hair is 'me time'.

I really do not get why he was holding him down so much that he sounded in pain. Has he apologized, realise dhe behaved in an unacceptable manner to wards DS?

So he has two strategies for making sure he never has to settle his child

1 demand you stop whatever you are doing, no matter how inconvenient it is for you, after a perfunctory effort

2 if that doesn't work, hurt the child so you will come running

He had had a nice night out at the cinema. He should have come in and happily taken over, not started stropping and taking his mood out on you and the baby.

I would be furious with him, and disgusted.

You don't get to "lose it" with a baby and physically hurt them. That's called child abuse.

Not much to add (I agree with doing something about the phone) but wanted to say that reading your post made me feel sad, I hope you're ok. The idea of holding the baby down in the cot is horrible, I hope your DP can see that in the light of day.