to think that my friends/ neighbours behaviour towards my dc is petty and childish?

[AnxiousElephant]

Continuing from the thread about me not collecting her ds from nursery because dd2 was unwell and her irritation regarding this yesterday.
We live almost opposite each other on the edge of a small grassed area.
Prior to the incident yesterday when I couldn't collect her ds due to my dd2 being ill, all the dcs spend dry days wondering freely between our houses. Today my dd1 and 2, age 3 and 5 were playing at the front of the house and naturally ran to play with her ds aged 3. They went towards the house (a mutual friend was inside with her ds too) and followed her ds in. Later my dcs came back out and then the gate was padlocked so they could not go in to play, I could hear my dd2 asking to go in and play and she couldn't understand why she couldn't so she watched from the other side of the fence where her 2 friends played I heard both the boys try to undo the gate, saying they couldn't get out to be with dd.

Fair enough to have a gripe with me but is there any reason to take it out on 2 small children whom she supposedly likes
Later her ds came out of the garden looking for my dds but they had gone to another friends house to play (dd1 had seen her friend and went to ask her mum if she could come over to ours but they ended up staying! Before I get flamed for not supervising! or palming them off which I don't do ) so he clearly wanted to be with them and I had to tell him that I was sorry but they were out
AIBU?

I generally don't get involved in DDs friendships, but it's not petty to be concerned at how another adult is behaving with your children.

There are a lot of things you say about your friendship that point towards you feeling the balance is a bit skewed, so maybe there are things she hasn't said that are getting to her as well?

If fitting the padlock isn't just coincidental timing and it marks the end of the road for being close neighbours, what have you got to lose by getting everything out in the open?

If you can be determined not to raise your voice under any circumstances, it's possible you might find you've both had a bit of an East Enders moment and got your wires totally crossed.

No YANBU she is being petty. But you may have to review your "open house" play policy as a result - because if she can get petty over this, you really don't want anything happening to her DS on your property - who knows what she'd do!

go to neighbour say "the children were upset that you padlocked them out"

see what happens

It sounds like you have a mutually beneficial arrangement. She is probably a bit miffed but will get over it in a few days when she realizes it is useful to her. You can use this as an opportunity to scale back your reliance on each other, if that's what you want, or just let it go and see what happens.

let it go.

she was having a bad day/had pmt wasnt being rational.

do not escalate it.

ignore and see if all goes back to normal

From your description it sounds like the friendship is unfairly balanced. She seems to take more than she gives. Maybe review what is going on and see how you feel. It sounds like she is being petty over the gate locking.

Oh and mumbling could you provide a list of what age I may decide my DC's are allowed to do things? Obviously there are hard and fast ages and it would make it so much easier if you would issue a list.

I agree with other posters about this "friendship".
She obviously has come to regard you as her unpaid nanny/childminder rather than a friend who does you ocasional favours as a last resort. This is also demonstrated by the types of favours she has expected you to do in the past - whole days, letting you look after her ill children etc with no reciprocal offers - even taking money off you.
I think it's a facet of human nature that you value things you have to work hard/ pay for much more than things you are handed on a plate. That's how she sees you unfortunately.
Perhaps you should ask her if she honestly thinks that you should have prioritised her childcare needs (given that she had alternatives albeit paid for!) over your own child who was ill. Given her reaction it's clear to me that she does feel that way.
In her eyes now given that she had already been unreasonable in her expectations in the past you have let her down badly. She has no way of punishing you .... What would she do? So she is taking it out on your dc.
I think you should redress the balance in this friendship and cut down on the favours you do her and she may come to value your favours more. It wont kill your dc to develop other friendships.

YABU...IMO, if you've arranged to pick someone's child up from pre-school, you should let them know asap if you can't do it. It sounds like you decided it was too much hassle to pick him up or let him know (took the booster seat but then realised it was too much trouble). I would be annoyed if a friend didn't let me know they couldn't pick my DC up...I'd be even more annoyed if I then saw them with someone else's child that they had been able to pick up on the same day.

I would suggest you apologise to your friend...and in future say no if you feel you're being taken for granted, rather than let her down at the last minute. If you apologise and she still doesn't want your DDs in to play, thats her choice but is a bit petty. Until you have apologised or even offered an explanation, I have sympathy with your friend being annoyed.

Skiing there's not any need to be sarky. My personal thoughts may be different to your but I have not sad anyting about YOUR children as this thread is not about YOU.

ballstoit given that I have done her so many favours in the past and she couldn't have done any extra hours without that support I feel disappointed that she feels it was done without any thought. DC of school age are generally not a handful, taking 4 children to the doc when I have to cross busy roads with them all and when her ds is not the most reliable on roads would have been dangerous imo.

I also forgot to mention that I had also offered to take her to a hospital appt which is a 40 mile round trip! This would have meant putting my own dds in childcare because the appt is at 3pm, but I thought nothing of offering because I know she doesn't drive! I also knew it would be difficult for her DH to take time off.
Her ds was safe and I knew there was childcare in place, I expected her DH to let her know the arrangements had changed when he picked up that day.
I took the booster seat but later realised dd was not feeling any better and wanted to go to the docs with her. Should I have delayed this in favour of picking her child up??? I don't think so! She certainly wouldn't put my dcs needs before her dss'

I saw her at my childminders childs birthday party today and calmly asked her if she would still like a lift to the hospital and that I would ask my CM to have the girls if she did, which was declined politely, I didn't speak again because I felt it wasn't the right place or time. As far as I am concerned I have offered an olive branch and I will leave it at that. Her call. She is moving soon so it would be an issue for long.

wouldn't be an issue!

Bugger her then! Leave her to sulk. Sounds childish and immature to me. You dont need people like that clogging your life up and since she is moving your DC won't miss out or get hur if she doesnt let them in.