DSis has organised christening a week after my due date - warning long post

[chocolatehobnobs]

Background. DSis is 3 years younger than me and always been difficult and competitive. E.g. When I got engaged she wa jealous and got engaged 2 months later and organised her wedding in the same church with reception at mum's home too and most of the same guests 10 weeks before our date. Our mum is very family centric and would love us to be closer but always makes excuses for DSis behaviour.

She now has 2 DC , I am godmother to DD 1. DD2 is 10 months. I am 38 weeks with DC 1. I have been asking for months when her DD2 christening will be. She did not want to do summer holidays as some of her friends might be on holiday. September was out because she was away for a week and had left it too late to organise and December was too near christmas. She lives 2 hours drive away. I warned her that I would not be able to attend for 3 weeks before and after my due date when we spoke 2 weeks ago. Yesterday mum told me that she has planned christening 6 days after my due date. Mum suggested that I might be able to go but accepted my decision not to.
I'm feel that sis is being selfish. My mum had agreed to come and stay for a week after our DC is born to help and is really excited. Chances are that she will be in the awkward position of choosing helping me / coming to meet new grandchild or going to DN's christening and helping sister prepare food etc. If baby is born within a week of due date my brother who lives 4 hours away will also be very busy / struggle to go to christening and visit us. AIBU and should I tackle her about this?

Tell her now, that you are not coming. Tis best.

have you asked your sister if there are other things that made her choose that date. I mean the church might not be avalible until much later or something? There might be a completely understandable reason for her choosing that date rather than just being selfish.

She probably has a bit of self centredness as part of the planning but there is probably more to it.

I would just ignore her - it will piss her off more if she's not getting the drama she craves.

Tell her you aren't going - this is time for you and your baby or your giant overdue self. Everyone there will be asking after you loads and some mad aunty is bound to ask why she arranged the christening for a day when her own sister can't attend!

You could be quite grateful of a day without your Mum to just be with DH and the baby. Your brother will be able to sort it out for himself, talk to him (without cursing your DSIS), if he knows how much you'll value his visit he won't let you down. Just don't seethe and sulk, don't give her what she wants! She does sound a bit of a silly cow.....Good luck!

Do I take it your sister had help from your mum
When she had her first two? Some people on MN are adamant this is un-necessary but it's very much an each to their own thing. If you want your mum there you should make it very clear you expect her - after all you sister is choosing this date, it's far too late for you to do anything about it!

Does your mum drive?

Well sis phoned me this evening. After 15 mins of her telling me she knows best about everything to do with childbirth eg I should not bother with the nct advice re birthing balls etc I finally asked her if she wanted to tell me about anything. I said I was disappointed not to be able to go to a special family event and thought mum was in a potentially difficult position and I thought she was unreasonable not to tell me herself when the christening was.
robot when she had DD1 both mum and I were summoned when she went into labour. I remember her asking mum to move her 2 inches to the right in her hospital bed and hold a drink to her mouth she was such a prima donna -even my mum refused. My expectations are not so extreme I just want my mum's help with my first new baby. DH has arranged to go back to work after the first 2 days as Dm will be around and then he will be off for a week. DM lives 4 hours away from me and does drive she is a star and will choose to dash around to make everyone happy but get overtired and not really enjoy either occasion to the max I expect.
Sis shouted down the phone that I do not value family and christenings because I have told her previosly that we are not asking any siblings to be godparents (we think its nice for a child to have special adults in their life outside the family) so I think her anger not to be godmother and her desire to thunder steal is behind this.In the end I had to tell her I was ending the conversation and put down the phone because she continued to verbally attack me. I want to be chilled and enjoy this time.
I maintained the high ground and told her that I loved my goddaughter lots and was sad not to be able to attend. (But I may take the advice to steal her thunder with newborn if I'm up to it)

Wow - it sounds like she's very upset that she made you her DD1's goddaughter but you have said you won't ask her to be your DC's. She is deliberately excluding you with this timing. To be honest I would just refuse. If you're 6 days overdue you won't want to travel 2 hours. If you are less than 2 weeks post partum I don't think you will either and breastfeeding takes a little getting used to too (in the privacy of your own home I think). If baby does arrive a little early and you have a normal delivery you might just about be up for it but I honestly wouldn't put yourself out too much for someone so petty.

I wouldn't worry too much about having your mum there. It is always nice to have an extra pair of hands but if she has to go and then come back or postpone her visit to you by a few days it won't make too much difference. Try not to put your mum in a difficult position as none of this is her fault.

You know, my gut instinct is to play her at her own game.

I will tell her, that "Actually, your Christening of dn is a wonderful opportunity for me to show off my newborn to all the family, so on second thoughts, of course I will come!" Maybe she will think twice....

So you haven't had your child yet but have already told your relatives who will and won't be godparents? That sounds a bit odd. What's the rush? You all sound a bit weird about Christenings.
I didn't make either of my nephews' Christenings and I get on with my brother, they just live too far away and we had other committments those weekends. That was OK as I see them other times and they are quite religious so for them it wasn't all about people making a fuss, but about the welcoming into the church angle.
I think Baptisms are the most religious of the Christian ceremonies (hense neither kid baptised as I'm atheist) so think you and your sister are being petty about the ceremonies.
I agree about godparents in general being nonrelatives to give someone else in a child's life, ideally they should have strong Christian beliefs, otherwise I'd go for humanist naming ceremony and people who just take an interest in the child.
I'm not sure why any adult who is a child's aunt would get upset about not also being a godparent.
I feel sorry for your mother here. If she does go to your sister's christening and you don't surely you and your husband can cope for a couple of days without her? Many mumsnet folk want time to themselves without fussing relatives.

I'd be at the christening thunder-stealing myself, either with my gorgeous newborn or my enormous overdue bump.

I'm childish like that though.