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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is a peculiar thing to say, a bit mean

46 replies

witherhills · 12/10/2011 22:48

yes, this is about my 5th mil thread, sorry but it has been a bit extreme
Mil leaving to go back to Aus tomorrow, been here for 5 weeks nearly
So I told her today that DS said he wanted her to stay forever, nice little anecdote.
She turns to him and says, no, if I lived here we wouldn't get on.
What does that mean?
She really doesn't like him and she's just pretending?
Or he gets on her nerves?
She has made no bones about the fact that she thinks he whinges and moans too much
He does, but he is also completely out of his routine with her here. We have to do everything differently
Poor DS, he's not even 4!

OP posts:

eaglewings · 13/10/2011 14:54

And breathe

Thzumbiewitch · 13/10/2011 15:07

What a cunting thing to say to a little boy! :(

Sunny - I don't think anyone I know here would say that to a 4yo - they might say it to an adult and expect them to understand that it's a "joke", but not to a 4yo (and to be fair, if my (Aussie) MIL said that to me I wouldn't think she was joking either!)

At least she'll be the other side of the world again soon enough, Witherhills and you won't have to worry too much about it. Enjoy your fizz!

havinhoops1974 · 13/10/2011 17:03

What a horrible thing to to say, I would have said 'no you're right we wouldn't' and look right at her stony stare lol

Happylander · 13/10/2011 17:17

Has she had an injury where her frontal lobe was damaged? Either that or is she very insecure about herself and tries to say what everyone is thinking about her first....if you get what I mean

pigletmania · 13/10/2011 17:55

Some people should really engage their brain before they speak. What a stupid thing to say!

diddl · 13/10/2011 18:02

I would assume that she meant that they´d just get too used to each other & it wouldn´t be special.

Still, you know her.

TBH, if your son isn´t upset, it´s not worth the energy of analysing it.

Bet she doesn´t replay/rethink conversations/interactions

Original poster

witherhills · 13/10/2011 22:05

She's gone!
Never thought it would happen!
Bloody shattered, 3 hour round trip to the airport, DS so tired and emotional, and dh wanting attention!

OP posts:

newbiedoobiedoo · 13/10/2011 22:13

Silly old boot! Don't bloody let her stay again! I'm [hangry] on behalf of your darling ds! [hsad]

Original poster

witherhills · 14/10/2011 07:30

Oh this is heaven, don't have to creep around, can make as much noise as we want, can let DS play in his bedroom, can get him washed in the bathroom. I can get showered before I go out. Bliss

OP posts:

aldiwhore · 14/10/2011 08:27

Its kind of mean but its the sort of thing me and my mother say to each otherr all the time... she should have editted it to something more gentle though.

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 14/10/2011 08:51

It sounds like her heart gave a big twang of pain....and she said the first thing she thought of as a way of trying to make it seem like an undesirable option to him.

It' actually like something I would say....people who feel deeply somtimes seem odd.
What seemed like "a nice little anecdote" may have caused her heart ache.

unpa1dcar3r · 14/10/2011 09:16

Oooh MIL's. Don't you just love 'em!

I'm a MIL and I do hope I'm not like that. I think I'd get the kids to take me out and shoot me if I got that nasty.

Well done for surviving 5 weeks- I couldn't have!

witchyhills · 14/10/2011 09:33

And I can put my own washing on the line and just leave it to dry!

I have tried and tried to understand her, but I admit defeat.
I just have to find coping techniques.
I've told dh that was too long, and we're not doing it again
I haven't bitched about her to him, he knows how difficult she is

When we see her in Aus it's a holiday, so bearable.
We have gone away the last couple of times she has been here, didn't this time cos dh too busy at work.
He is now moping around, saying he misses her, well maybe you should have spent more bloody time at home when she was here

diddl · 14/10/2011 14:19

"It sounds like her heart gave a big twang of pain."

I agree tbh.

Poor woman is about to leave & you tell her her GC wishes that she could stay forever.

piratecaaaaaaaaaghhht · 14/10/2011 14:24

blimey, all the things you can now 'do', seem perfectly normal home type things to do.

what was wrong with or why couldn't you do them before? (nosy cow emote)

AllGoodNamesGone · 14/10/2011 14:29

You must limit her stay next time. Three weeks max. Even that is probably too long for you but can't really expect an old lady to travel all the way from Aus for a week!

And tell DH he is not to book flights for her when he knows he is busy at work. He must take at least the middle week off work to get her out of your hair spend with her.

I'd not be happy if I lived abroad and my own son couldn't even be bothered to take some time off work when I visited - when he booked the tickets!

witchyhills · 14/10/2011 15:32

See diddl, you've got a nice caring old lady in mind.

I don't really know where to start piratecat.
She took over everything in the house. She would take clothes out of my hand to wash them, she was obsessed with washing, she rearranged clothes on the line all day, and 2 clothes horses.
After the first week she told me she was staying upstairs until ds went to preschool, so we had to be quiet for 2-3 hours.
Then at the weekend she wouldn't do snuffing with him and would sit in another room watching tv.
She snapped at him to "stop it, stop it" because dh was getting worked up about him whingeing. At the time he was siting on the mat with a magazine, doing nothing wrong(i told her not to)
She constantly wound him up when he was calm or watching DVD,
She told me she was worried that he got everything he wanted but she was the one giving him ice cream and getting him treats every day.
Then she made a big song and dance about DS not liking her.
I tried to get them to do things together, they did some drawing and pirate stuff, but she was more interested in making sure the ironing was done
She constantly talked over him if he was singing or telling me a story

And that's all as well as the incessant stream of conciousness commentary about the news, the weather and random people that I don't know.

I was surrounded by

witchyhills · 14/10/2011 15:33

Snuffing=anything!

unpa1dcar3r · 14/10/2011 16:48

Sooooo...you'll be inviting her back for Christmas then Witchy???????

(Should've sent her here, she could've done my washing n ironing!)

Back to peace and tranquility now I hope!

diddl · 14/10/2011 17:47

"See diddl, you've got a nice caring old lady in mind."

Well that ´s the thing-I don´t know her-and just because you´ve had a hard time with her, it doesn´t follow that she would be deliberately unkind rather than thoughtless.

My son is an only child, ergo we have the only GC & ILs have never visited (more than 10yrs)-not too many interpretations to that!

newbiedoobiedoo · 14/10/2011 17:54

Well I'm sorry but even if it pained her about leaving, there's a filter system in most of us that would tell us not to say something like that to a little boy and possibly upset him unnecessarily no?

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