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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re GPs and bank accounts

60 replies

MamaGeekChic · 11/10/2011 19:46

MIL wants to open a bank account for DD (6mo) and I don't feel comfortable with it, I've suggested we open one and she can put money in that if she likes (although I'm not particularly fussed whether she does or not) but that's not what she wants apparently.... Would she be able to do it without our consent? Am I being unreasonable in asking her not too? Just so I'm not accused of drip feeding, our relationship has been tense since DD arrived...

OP posts:
LydiaWickham · 11/10/2011 20:09

Well, you need to open an account for your DD, just put a small amount in it, surely other family members who want to give DD money will give it to you anyway. Tell your MIL she's welcome to contribute to that, you can give her the bank details so she can do on-line transfers to it, or you could ask for a second paying in book for it which she can have (which will give her the chance to pay money in, but have no control over it).

If she's not happy putting money in DD's bank account that you've opened, suggest she has one in MIL's name that she uses for saving for DD and gives that to DD when she's older.

catsareevil · 11/10/2011 20:11

Your dd can have more than 1 account. If your MIL opens an account and she is the only one to pay into it then there shouldnt be a problem. Yes, she could withdraw the money, but then she doesnt have to put any in in the first place.

squeakytoy · 11/10/2011 20:13

what is the issue so many people have with keeping birth certificates secret.. Confused... anyone can get a copy of a birth cert if they really wanted to..

HappyMummyOfOne · 11/10/2011 20:14

I cant see a problem either, i'd not be happy paying into an account that other adults could access and potential spend it all.

You have your account for her and let them do their own, its a lovely thing that they want to do.

IAmSamSamIAm · 11/10/2011 20:14

Ds's GPs did this when he was born, I took the attitude that it's their money they can do whatever they like with it, where's the harm in it being in an account labelled with ds's name?

It did make me think that they didn't trust us not to draw money out though, but, again, their money so yeah, whatever.

(Dh has seen the bank books and apparently loads of the money has been drawn out over the years so there isn't a great deal there, but again, their money!)

As long as the GPs don't use the money as any sort of bargaining tool (which mine don't) then I can't see the harm personally.

MrsApplepants · 11/10/2011 20:15

Suggest they buy premium bonds or something instead?

earlyriser · 11/10/2011 20:16

Might it be to do with avoiding inheritance tax when the time comes, ie syphoning some of it off into your dd's account, so when they do die they are below the IT threshhold?

lilyliz · 11/10/2011 20:17

don't see the problem,my dad had an account for my DS which he gave to him when he started uni.Seems a reasonable request to me whether you think it controlling or not.If you look at it the other way round you could be controlling the GPs.

squeakytoy · 11/10/2011 20:18

If you have issues with the in-laws and money, then surely it would be worse if they handed cash over to you, and then were giving you grief about what the money should be spent on.... if you let them open an account, and pay into an account, then that avoids any of that..

LunarRose · 11/10/2011 20:19

OMG do not in anyway do this. Follow your instincts

If heaven forbid you did ever split and need to claim benefits (income support), they take into account children's savings. Your ex-il would therefore be able to influence you financial situation without you being able to access a penny.

catsareevil · 11/10/2011 20:21

Can they take into acccount savings that the OP has no access to? Can child trust fund be taken into account?

wigglesrock · 11/10/2011 20:22

My parents opened up an account for each of my dds, the youngest being 7 months old. I had to give them the full birth certificate to open them. The girls also have seperate bank accounts which I am the signatory on.

To be honest its my parents money, I don't really care what they do with it. I have some concerns in the future about my mum insisting the money being used for something she wants them to do but we'll have that row cross that bridge when we come to it.

lenak · 11/10/2011 20:23

There is nothing to stop both you and your MIL opening an account for you DD, she can have more than one account.

I'm fairly sure my parents have opened an account for my DD, despite me having also opened an account - 'tis a little annoying but I think they have done it so they can give the money to her as a gift when she is 16 or whatever and she'll know it has come from them rather than being mixed in with her other money.

My nan did the same for me - it was really lovely when she handed the passbook over on my 16th birthday which she could do because the account was in my name. Much more special and personal than a cheque which she would have had to have given me if she had just saved in her name.

TheSkiingGardener · 11/10/2011 20:23

So the bank account is neither here nor there. This is about control.

In your shoes I would work out what is the worst that could happen with this. So they save some money for your DD. They can then dole it out on their terms I guess but how much of a problem is that going to be? Are they rolling in it and you and DH paupers so they can tempt your DD with cash? Or is it more likely to be just a "Aren't we wonderful GP's to you, there have some cash".

If you give them control over ONE thing they will feel they have won. Make it a fight, even though you know you will give in, and roll your eyes at any other attempts for control and reference what they have got.

Either that or sit down and explain why you feel they are undermining you and how it is affecting your willingness to have them close to DD.

Choices, choices.

Original poster
MamaGeekChic · 11/10/2011 20:28

I suspect it may be used as a bargaining tool... They had been badmouthing us (me) to family along the lines of 'we bought gd xyz and now we only get to see her once a week, look how terribly they are treating us after everything we've given them' (btw they haven't given much, in fact I'd prefer they didn't as it always has conditions attached or is stuff I've explicitly said we don't want). It's nothing to do with IT, I doubt they'd hit the threshold...

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 11/10/2011 20:33

My fil opened an account for ds1, but it was under his own control (and not protected in any way). When he died, he owed the bank money and they took what was in my sons account to cover it. Also, fil had run into financial difficulty and had spent quite a bit of it himself. now it was his money, so I don't have any issue with him doing that, but if I or my parents had been contributing too, then I would not have been happy about this at all.

I would advise you to let her open the account (you can't stop her), but let her be the sole contributor. Set up your own bank account for your child and have that as the 'real' one that everybody else contributes too.

lenak · 11/10/2011 20:36

LunarRose - that is incorrect - savings in the childs name do not affect benefit claims.

It would only impact a benefit claim (tax credits only) if interest on the savings was over £300 - it is disregarded for HB, CTB, Income Support and JSA - although you would have to include account details where the parent was the signatory for the child, simply so they could check that it was genuinely the childs.

In fact, in this situation, it would be better if the grandparents did set up the account as they would be the signatory and the parent wouldn't have to declare the account at all as it would be nothing to do with them.

fedupofnamechanging · 11/10/2011 20:36

Feel for you OP. It's awful when GP's buy things and think it gives them rights to a certain amount of access.

slightlymad72 · 11/10/2011 20:41

If they are to open an account I would ensure that only the money that goes into it is the money they put in.

My MIL opened investment accounts for my DCs, she now has 3 more Grandchildren and says she cannot do the same level of investment for them, so she is now looking at one of my DCs accounts and thinking of distributing between him and his 3 cousins (his has the largest sum invested) the problem that has arisen is that money he was saving (another account)was invested into the account (higher interest rate etc) so is his and not for distribution and what level of the rest of the investment belongs to him in comparison to his siblings, who will not be affected.
I wish I hadn't started down this route and left her to get on with what she was doing, the only saving grace is that DH and I are trustees of the account and therefore she can't do anything without our consent, but I know is going to cause a massive row and a blindin headache.

Nanny0gg · 11/10/2011 20:47

My father had accounts for all his grandchildren.
He died before my children came of age and they were absolutely thrilled when, at 18, they saw what he had done for them.
It's a kind thought and I can't see where 'control' comes into it, unless we're talking hundreds of thousands here.

BlathersFright · 11/10/2011 21:00

My PIL did this. Asked for the Birth Certificate so that they could open an account with them as trustees and openly said it was so DH and I couldn't get our hands on the money.

They'd done the same for all the other GC's and each apparently used this account as thier main account. We were even given a paying in book so that we could add any other money the children got.

DH and I are not well off but neither are we likely to go raiding the children's accounts either - so not only was I a bit offended but also, I wanted control of the DC's money, so we let them open thier account and then we opened our own too. The PIL pay in whatever they like to thier account and we put anything else into the one we opened.

Everyone is happy ish :)

I do think it'll be some grand "look at what we've given you" thing when the DC are bigger but at least we'll have our own account to present them with too. In the meantime, it's not being used as a bargaining tool thank fully. IF you think your MIL might use it like that, maybe "lose" the birth certificate for a while and hope the whim passes?

diddl · 11/10/2011 21:17

Do you really need a birth certificate to open an account?

We have accounts for both of ours & the GPs have also opened accounts for them.

Can´t ever remeber the GPs having the birth certificates thoughConfused

I think that the GPs did it for control-I don´t really care as the children will get something from it.

We are abroad at & I´m sure there was some hooha as they wanted to know the childrens account numbers, then they wanted the passbooks-so they finally opened accounts themselves (hooray!)

whackamole · 11/10/2011 21:19

YABU. If you feel so strongly about it, open one for her yourself and they can have their own account for her. Then they can control the spends from 'their' account and you can control it from 'yours'.

troisgarcons · 11/10/2011 21:30

Birth certificates are a public document, they can obtain one easily.

What they decide to do with their money is up to them

yellowsubmarine41 · 11/10/2011 23:08

My mother did this when my children were born.

It was about control and her sense of her right to have some sort of 'control' over their futures; our relationship also became much more tense.

It irritates me a bit, but hasn't presented any problem and I don't expect it will as it will involve a few hundred pounds at the most.

Large sums of money would make me twitchier for some reason.

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