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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be feeling sad a lot of the time?

26 replies

dollydoops · 11/10/2011 16:54

I wrote a thread earlier about feeling glum and anxious on the way to work. However, on re evaluating, I think it is most of the time. I used to be known for my positivity, in fact I can remember students in my first job eight years ago saying I was always smiling. Now I feel gloomy going to work, I find my job stressful and am always tired. I am overweight and my skin is bad. I have been with my dp for seven years but we argue a lot and o sometimes wonder why we are together. I am an only child and feel that my parents expect me to be happy so I try to project a positive image to them, also my mum has MH issues which mean I cannot talk to her about my problems as the worry would make her ill. Just feel v low a lot of the time and can't seem to see the positive any more.

OP posts:
Annpan88 · 11/10/2011 17:15

Hiya I'm not sure I have anything useful to say just some sympathy. Have you felt like this a while? I think a long period of everything staying the same can get demoralising. Do you have anyone you can talk to?

Lots of love

valiumredhead · 11/10/2011 17:27

I think a chat with the GP would be in order OP if you are feeling this way most of the time x

Original poster
dollydoops · 11/10/2011 17:31

Thanks for replies. Oh dear Valium, I was hoping no one would say that. Do you think that still applies if I am able to hide my feelings from others most of the time? Surely if I can conceal the feelings they can't be that bad?

OP posts:
peggotty · 11/10/2011 17:34

You poor old thing. You do sound unhappy and feeling sad all of the time isn't right - you need to go to the gp, I agree. Concealing feelings just ferments them and makes them worse IMO.

elmofan · 11/10/2011 17:35

I agree with valium , op talk these feelings over with your doctor .[hugs]

valiumredhead · 11/10/2011 17:35

I think especially if you feel the need to conceal your feelings tbh OP.

BatsUpMeNightie · 11/10/2011 17:35

OP trust me on this one thing - if you keep hiding it you will implode eventually. You owe it to yourself to get whatever help is out there - and there IS help. Hiding your feelings is real easy in the short term but it really really doesn't work long term.

KnockKnockWhosThereIDidAp · 11/10/2011 17:48

I saw your thread earlier. If you're still dwelling on it now then I change my answer to no, it isn't normal. Hiding how you feel from other people is all very well but it seems like the real struggle is hiding it from yourself. Is it a job you used to enjoy? Though, it sounds like you have more than your job on your mind. I agree with a chat to the doctor. There's a quiz on depression on the nhs website that will help you judge how you are feeling. I know the word depression is upsetting in itself but it can and does get better. Think of visiting the doctor as the first step to recovery.

substantiallycompromised · 11/10/2011 17:49

If you are 'protecting' your mother and can't talk to her and can't confide in your dp plus you have a stressful job - it sounds to me like you would really benefit from some outside support and someone to talk to. (A problem shared and all that!)

Go to your gp and have a word and they will be able to rule out any physical cause and may be able to point you in the direction of a licensed psychologist or counsellor and perhaps medication as well. Everyone needs support during their life at one point or another. It's nothing to feel ashamed about it.

Although very admirable, I don't think the fact that you are "able to conceal feelings" is a good indicator of whether you need help or not. I think perhaps whether these issues are starting to effect your everyday life and making it difficult for you to function is more relevant. And even though you may be able to conceal feelings for a while that won't change the underlying problems (ie they probably won't just go away by themselves) or they may get worse.

Although it doesn't feel like it atm, depression, or "not being able to see the positive any more" can be a gift as it tells you lots of things about your life ie that you may not be living the right life for you or living it in the "right" way for you! And sometimes an outsider can help you to see the right path more clearly and help you have a more resilient attitude to the bits that you can't change and help you to gain more control over the bits you can!

Hope you can find the support you need! Good luck!

Fixture · 11/10/2011 17:53

Yes, a visit to the GP would be good. They will want to rule out any physical cause and/or depression. Either way it's beneficial because you will either receive treatment if necessary, or know you've tried this avenue.

JamieComeHome · 11/10/2011 18:20

good post substantiallycompromised.

I have suffered from depression in the past and did not acknowledge that's what it was until it got so bad I could no longer hide my feelings and was having panic attacks and crying frequently.

Go and get help. Acknowledging you need it is a good first step. You may not need medication.

Champagnevanity · 11/10/2011 18:55

Their was actually something in my glamour magazine about hiding depression, i think. Deffo go to your GP, it can only make things better.

CailinDana · 11/10/2011 19:00

Definitely sounds like depression to me. Don't be too daunted by that word - loads of people suffer it at one point or another in their lives. I had it a couple of years ago and I let it go for far too long until I ended up a suicidal mess. It's great that you're recognising it now before it gets to that stage. Luckily with the right support and medication I got through it and I'm great now.

Go to the GP and have a chat.

petitepeach · 11/10/2011 19:23

Just wanted to add my tuppenceworth Smile can't hurt going to GP, also if you have weight gain/bad skin etc it could be something else that is causing the symptoms, so it really is worth getting yourself checked out!

Also sounds like you are stuck in a bit of a rut; can you have a chat with DP? maybe organise a night away at the weekend or something, change of scene and all that Grin
Horrible when you are feeling down, keep us updated and hope you are feeling better soon...

PinotScreechio · 11/10/2011 19:27

Putting up a normal front is a classic symptom of depression.

Depression is nothing to be ashamed of

MothInMyKecks · 11/10/2011 19:33

May not be depression OP.

Could be your thyroid. Get to your GP and tell them how you're
Feeling.

JamieComeHome · 11/10/2011 19:37

ooh good point about the thyroid

PinotScreechio · 11/10/2011 19:41

Oh yes Blush

duvetdayplease · 11/10/2011 19:45

Hi there, I would second what everyone has said about getting checked out, I would suggest (obviously this is a personal opinion I am no doctor) trying to find some talking therapy.

Your GP can refer you (sometimes longish waiting lists), you can go private (seek a recommendation) or you might get some thru work.

If you have never really talked, you don't know why you feel sad, it would make sense to find a little out about why you feel this way. For example, I was incredibly sad after my baby was ill - that is an understandable response to a lot of stress.

Feeling down doesn't mean you are depressed, you may be depressed or you may be worn down from putting on a positive front and not talking.

Best of luck.

leatherlover · 11/10/2011 20:01

Hey Dolly I know what you mean. You say you're overweight and your skin is bad...what about trying to eat a bit more healthily and perhaps joining a gym/bootcamp/zumba class? It's AMAZING what diet and fitness can do for you..Go to the docs too...I had my thyroid checked out recently as I was feeling miserable but then I'm pregnant and my hormomes are all over the shop. I also have a non-sleeping almost 2 yr old and a 5yr old who's just started a new school and has been wetting the bed every night. I did do some counselling earlier this year for some deep seated childhood issues and that helped me process some stuff that had been 'stuck' but I really think you have to keep 'working at life' in a way to find out what makes a difference. Oooh another thing I did was 'mood mapping'. If you have the time/inclination this can help too. I bought the book on Amazon...I hope some of this helps...

MothInMyKecks · 11/10/2011 20:12

OP, the overwhelming consensus here is that your GP is the one to sort you out.
Sure, your circumstances can certainly be to blame here, but if there's a chance that there's a physical reason for this, then you must be checked over. List every symptom to your GP - skin and weight, as well as your feelings of sadness. How is your hair? Is it slow growing? Brittle? Nails - brittle? Skin is certainly a pointer too. How are your periods? Appetite? Energy levels in general? Sleep patterns?

So many of these areas could be confused with depression, but they can also indicate thyroid probs so if your GP is worth his salt then he'll run some blood tests. You could be anaemic too, for example.

I'm no Doctor OP, so it's really important that you get yourself along to be seen. Whatever the reason for your low-ness, there is an answer. That, I can promise.

Original poster
dollydoops · 12/10/2011 06:27

Thank you all for your kind words of concern- they have made me feel a little better. To all those who said I should get checked out for thyroid and other physical causes, I did actually go for tests and a scan a couple of weeks ago to check thyroid and for polycystic ovaries, and am getting my results tomorrow, so maybe something there is the cause. Thanks again and will keep you posted.

OP posts:
substantiallycompromised · 12/10/2011 12:21

Good luck tomorrow at the doctor's Dollydoops. Let us know how you get on (if you want to!) Hope things get better for you.

cuteboots · 12/10/2011 12:29

I hope you get this sorted out. Good luck

YouHaveToCallMeNighthawk · 12/10/2011 20:07

Let us know how you get on, if you can. I've got my fingers crossed for you!