Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think children's 'activities' are as much for the parents as the kids?

29 replies

PinkPoncho · 10/10/2011 17:49

We used to do quite a lot of these but have recently stopped, mainly as I was getting a bit stressed coordinating it all, also our toddler has quite set ideas about being independent and not being arranged into classes, or dragged out to wait for the older one.

Out life is much simpler, albeit a bit 'slower', we are talking more and pottering about more.

However I have been told by several parents I 'ought' to be doing such and such class and think this is a shame. Especially with the toddler things, I mean surely they don't need language classes or a cookery class at 2 yrs old. Mine definitely seems to prefer being home and is free to help with my cooking if he wants..

So, I was talking about this to a mum and she mentioned she felt a lot of these classes were mainly used by mums to have a break/the child entertained for a bit so the parents could have a breather. What do you think? (Or am i just trying to make myself feel better for cutting back Smile

OP posts:
isthisweird · 10/10/2011 17:50

It's the only reason I've ever bothered with any kind of class (not done many, admittedly).

CristinadellaPizza · 10/10/2011 17:52

I agree with your friend. I think a lot of people use them as a way to get out of the house/to talk to other adults/have a break.

Nothing wrong with that at all - if you're happy at home, then that's great. I certainly wouldn't be feeling guilty about it :)

madmomma · 10/10/2011 17:55

I use them for both my son and myself, to break up the day for both of us. But if he preferred to be at home I wouldn't feel remotely guilty about skipping classes! As you said you can do all the stuff at home anyway.

betterwhenthesunshines · 10/10/2011 17:56

I suppose it depends on whether the chiildren are really keen to do them, or if they just get booked in without any discussion.

It's definitely different with a toddler if you are looking for some structure, activity, adult contact in your day. Or when the children are older and it's a frantic race to fit it all in after school. It makes it tricky to organise any playdates for my 'home-body' daughter though as all her friends have tennis, swimming, piano, ballet, Rainbows EVERY DAY after school. How dare they :)

LaWeasel · 10/10/2011 17:57

I think they're probably more for the parents! We don't do anything that structured (I am also not going to pay for someone to teach my toddler to cook, I can do that on my own thanks!) but I like the chance to meet other people and DD loves meeting up with other kids.

It drives me a bit batty though as she is always so well behaved at groups and then really grumpy with me afterwards that she doesn't get to stay and play forever!

MitrochondrialEve · 10/10/2011 17:58

It's often a bit of both. Many parents make friends at the early baby activities, e.g. baby massage, and then continue to meet their friends at subsequent activities. I think it's good for children to socialise with other children, and doing fun stuff that has some learning within it is fine too.

My DC has been very keen to go the next session of any class we've tried, and gets very disappointed if a class is discontinued. But all children are different, and some children would rather be at home.

thisisyesterday · 10/10/2011 17:59

i think it depends what it is
If I had the money I would definitely enrol ds2 and ds3 in something like a gym class or tumble tots because they have SO much energy and they would really, really love it

I actually think that language classes are great for little ones because the earlier you learn one the more likely you are to become fluent in it and it's SO much easier for them to learn.
again, not something I have the money to d o

I do agree that a lot of people do it for socialisation for themselves though, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that either. In fact it's a good idea for getting to know other parents in your area and having a break from your own 4 walls.

Original poster
PinkPoncho · 10/10/2011 18:01

Ah thanks for your replies- it's good to get some perspective after chatting to some mums over coffee and all the conversation was about was what they had all been 'doing' in terms of these activities- on average £7 (for the cookery course for 2 yr olds /music class / 'minilingua') Shock

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkPoncho · 10/10/2011 18:05

And yes betterwhenthesunshines I haven't had my ds' little friend to play after school since before the summer as he has a club each day after school. His mum suggested i wait till after his football club and he could come then but em, no Hmm...am not hanging around to help him change etc with mine, in order for them to have a few mins to play!

OP posts:
Mumleigh · 10/10/2011 18:09

When I adopted my DS I was encouraged by my SW to do lots of activities so our week went Like this:

Mon - Gymnastics
Tues - swimming
Wed - Joe Jingles
Thurs - messy play
Fri - free

He was 10 months old!!!!!!!

I was run ragged but it did give me the structure I needed and helped me make friends with local mums.

By the time DD arrived I had had enough and took her to a mother and toddler group and arranged a few play dates and that was all.

I don't think she has missed out at all and it is only now that she is 3 that I have started signing her up for a couple of activities ( Gymnastics and swimming)

AngieWatts · 10/10/2011 18:11

I think the baby activities are definitely more geared towards meeting other parents.

But I take my 3 yr old to structured activities because she enjoys them. They arent particularly social for me (I usually bury my head in my laptop or a paper - sorry!).

I never did toddler groups because I would rather tear the hair from my own scalp, quite frankly.

troisgarcons · 10/10/2011 18:14

Children of any age (and indeed adults) need down time to develop their imaginations. It's all very well using structured activites, but I know parents who would do two or three of an evening after school and the poor mites were burned out by the age of 8.

One or two a week is fine if a child has a particular bent for football/dance/gymnastics etc

Original poster
PinkPoncho · 10/10/2011 18:31

Trois yes I think that's my worry- that actually they miss out on that down time if they are enrolled in lots of these things. Have you ever read the 'Hurried Child'- Ehlkind I think?

But yes I can see the benefit for both mum and child of a point to get out and about in the day. I didn't feel rushed with these things before having the school run- but with that (which is a long walk with lots of interesting stuff for a toddler en route!) anything else feels rushy..

however I remember with one child at home all day to go out for a bit was no trouble and it was nice to meet up with other mums.

Some of the toddler mums (usually with their first child) do one thing after the other, like a music group in the morning followed by an art thing in the afternoon. I noticed her little boy seemed desperate to run about bless him!

i guess it's about observing your little one and just seeing how they take to things, and balancing that with your own need to get a bit of social interaction.

Oh, and toddler groups are tricky aren't they, with toddlers being quite egocentric and possessive!

OP posts:
flicktheswitch · 10/10/2011 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BsshBossh · 10/10/2011 20:29

I take my 3 yo to gym and multiskills after nursery because she loves it. While she's doing those, I sit in the cafe and read (not bothered about the socialising aspect). I also do it to add structure to our afternoons. But she also loves pottering at home so we make sure Friday afternoons and Sundays are totally free.

An0therName · 10/10/2011 20:35

I do think its very sad if people feel that they have to do loads of classes - on the other hand personally I think getting out and about and having adults conversations is vital - plus my toddler gets to do things I don't want to do at home - like painting,,
but I only go to toddler groups at the moment - and sometimes to music as broke

Firawla · 10/10/2011 20:37

its equally for both the parents & children. but even if more for the parents, if it stops them going mad by being bored at home without adult company - that is better for the children too, better to have a happy mum than a lonely bored & grumpy one (basing that on myself as i get less patience & a bit snappy with mine if im stuck in doing nothing), but if both are happy at home then not a problem. obviously yes needs to be balanced with some down time at home.

Francagoestohollywood · 10/10/2011 20:43

Yes, I suppose lots of people use them as a way to escape from the house. Nothing wrong with it, as toddlers usually enjoy most activities and the parents /carers might enjoy exchange a few words with other adults.

An0therName · 10/10/2011 21:26

oh and my DS1 got stupidly bored at home with me - he had to go out - he didn't mind where - park was fine - but I like somewhere I could talk to be people. DS2 is less bothered and has his brother around a fair bit

Original poster
PinkPoncho · 11/10/2011 00:09

Hi again thanks for the other replies- gives a bit of perspective to me. Feel much better now! There's so much on in my town, lots of which I can't afford, but a few things for example at the local library. It can be good to have something to do, when the days are a bit gloomy and the park doesn't look so hot!

OP posts:
MowlemB · 11/10/2011 00:21

I think when they're younger it is often for the parents - but as the children get older, they do start to take control.

I signed my DD up for gymnmastics when she was 3 because she was a whirlwind and I didn't know how I'd cope with her at home all day when I was on mat leave. I also wanted her to have a structured activity as she refused to go to nursery. But yes, it was initially for me.

Roll on 5 years, she now goes 4 days a week and is training to take her national grades. I'd love her to stop because it is a huge commitment and I didn't know what I was signing myself up for back then, but DD loves it and we most definitely go for her. I'm always happy for her to miss a session - even her coach has given her permission to skip a few sessions over the summer, and yet still she always turns up. Grrr.

OdesssasMum · 11/01/2012 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

thekidsrule · 11/01/2012 18:09

why would you do that,what has the blog to do with the opa thread

Hairynigel · 11/01/2012 18:16

Your not really meant to hijack threads and publicise your blogs on them odessa, it's rude.

I go to play groups with ds (18 mo) a few times a week, we both enjoy it. I get to chat to other adults and he gets to play with loads of toys, other kids and it helps him develop social skills. Would never take him if he hated it though. It's got to be something you both enjoy

thekidsrule · 11/01/2012 18:18

anyway back to ops thread

i can understand a couple of activitys a week if the child is a toddler,not at nursey etc,good for parent and child BUT once their older i personally dont think a full timetable after school is good for them

the odd one yes great,and dare i say i really think some parents are afraid to have the child at home eg worried they will be bored and keep on at them,children have to learn to occuppy themselves and that the life is not a non stop exciting time

god id be knackered if i done some kids activities after school