AIBU for public loos to have in addition to signs saying engaged and vacant..

[warmandwooly]

To have one that says..leave for a little while s its a bit whiffy?

huh?

Yes - it would be very helpful to have an automatic LED system that could flag up a number of issues such as:

• This one's out of bogroll and/or has less than three sheets adhering to the cardboard inner

• Skidmark alert

• Unknown object (possibly of human origin) floating in pan

• Sanitary/mooncup disaster area inc. illegal packaging flush failure

• Blocked, with approximately two and a half rolls of piss-soaked wadded up paper

• Giant high-fibre turd stuck in u-bend. Avoid at all costs

• Pebble-dashing/projectile vomiting residue

• What the fuck is that?

• Just don't. Walk away. Your eyeballs and olfactory system will thank you and you won't have to suffer flashbacks during lunch

It would also give cleaning staff an at-a-glance guide to what needs sorting, and if any protective clothing might be needed. A very good addition to one's enjoyment of public conveniences, I think.

TalkandTurnips- i like your suggestions! I always seem to go in the rather pongy ones when I am bursting for the loo!

Not to mention, some bastard's pissed on the loo seat again!

Can we have one that says "it wasn't me, it already smelled like that when I went in"?

Miss, definitely that one!

And a 'why would you wipe it on the wall?'

• No, apparently you can't flush a disposible nappy after all

• Warning: Small Floating Pebble-Style Turds that refuse to flush - next occupant may hold you responsible

• Possiblity of webcam installation; keep face covered at all times to avoid ending up on Crimewatch/Youtube

• Evidence of recent sexual gymnastics - please use next cubicle

Definitely want warmandwooly and MissPenteuth's suggestions!

omg i have not laughed so hard in a long time
thank you

Also a sign that says..i might lock properly i might not..beware..

Good one, warmandwooly - have we not all perfected that gentle push with one finger; bracing ourselves for the embarrassed back-slamming of the unlockable door?

I'd also like to be warned about:

• Do not attempt to enter; feet braced on back of door for improved security and increased leverage for chronic constipation

• No toilet brush within. Lay a pan-blocker and you're on your own

• The Management will accept no responsibility for the safety/sexual satisfaction of any convenience user who decides to respond to a mobile telephone number advertising hand relief or any other service of a carnal nature

I so needed warning like this on Tuesday. Was sat waiting at Dr's and needed to a nervous wee and stepped into an almost solid wall of heave-inducing stench in cubicle.

BARF!!!!!!

How about one of these as mandatory in every toilet?

www.presentsformen.co.uk/caution-cone-prod8480/

How about 'think Glastonbury.....'

What about "You will find using the bushes behind this building infinitely preferable to using this cubicle"?

Another poo thread...

wasn't there a sketch on Not the nine o clock news where there were messages flashed up as the bloke took a crap in the airplane toilet?