DN christening, financial nightmare, but how to say No?

[twinklingfairy]

DH and I have skrimped and saved all year long to afford to go to a family wedding at the other end of the country, last month.
It was a fantastic road trip holiday but it has floored us financially (not sure how we are going to manage christmas)
As soon as we get back my brother tells us he is throwing a christening bash for his 3 month old, in November.
My brother lives about 250 miles away.

He initially said that we could stay with him but, as he stays in my grandfathers house that my parents now own (my granddad past away a few years ago). They have taken the only spare room. My DB said that we could have the front room as long as we (DH, DD-5 and DS-3) were happy with the floor and a blow up bed or two.
We were.
But when I tried to speak to my parents, they immediately became defensive 'We will not be pushed out of our own house'
When I spoke to my dad, he brought it up again, after my mums previous statement, I had not. My dad didn't realise that my DB had offered us the floor but suggested that we 'look for a hotel'. When I said, we cannot afford a hotel he simply repeated himself.
During the call he also said that he and mum had discussed paying for it, as our christmas pressie, but had forgotten that they had already so amazingly kindly bought us a new washing machine. Once that had been said and my thanks given again ( I really am so grateful!) the offer for the hotel bill was not offered again. I am too proud to ask for more. heavens they have given so much.
But, seriously, we Cannot afford a hotel room, let alone the petrol costs.
But dad seemed to make it plain that he did not think we should take to the dining room floor.
DB has also gone back on it a little saying that if we could get a hotel it would be easier, but if we were stuck we were always welcome..
He got so incredibly stressed with the last christening that I really do not want to add to this by insisting that we be given room.
But, if we were not to come, he would be upset.

My gut says, sorry we cannot afford it, we cannot attend.
But my knowledge of my family says this is not an option.
They would prob ferry us down between my parents and my sister, pos even pay the hotel bill. But then we would be stuck in a roadside travel lodge with our independence stripped from us, at the mercy of my 'but we simply must be together' family. Though I know my DB is going to go crazy if his house is over run with people, my sis and mum believe that is precisely where they need to be, therefore where we will be taken with little choice.
TBH I just think it is so stressful before we have even got there that I would rather remain here. As kind as it may be that they would ferry us and, pos, pay for our hotel.

Do I sound like an ungrateful wretch. Probably

[twinklingfairy]

hah, you would think so.
Oh no. The whole thing has escalated today.
When I was on the phone to mum, a few days ago, I said perhaps it might be best if I did get a hotel room, that way DBrother would not get as stressed as he did last time.
But she said no no, it will be fine, we will stay there. You and the children will be fine in the dining room.

It turned out that my dad then called my DB to tell him that he had made me feel uncomfortable about staying and had always made my mum and dad feel uncomfortable at staying.

When I called my parents today in a panic at having lost a third of our living budget to a hotel room, now cancelled with no refund, I got cross that I had only booked it because my dad had made me feel uncomfortable at staying at DBs and told my dad so.
He got up in arms that 'this was some way to ask for help'

I am now being told that they only called my DB because I said he made me feel uncomfortable at staying

It seems I am completely at the root of it all and have 'changed allegences (sorry sp is wrong)'