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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to be a bit put out?

12 replies

littleacceb · 09/10/2011 20:33

My good friend who was bridesmaid at our wedding has disappeared off the radar. When DS was born in June, she sent a lovely gift almost immediately, and said that she'd be down August bank holiday weekend (her family are local to me, but she lives in Edinburgh) and would love to come and meet the new addition.

I texted saying thank you and that I needed her new address because she had moved in with her boyfriend since I had last written to her. No response. I emailed. No response. I sent a message on Facebook, which she rarely uses, but thought I'd give it a go - ditto. I sent a message to her boyfriend asking if she'd changed her number and he said "oh she's a silly thing - I'll give her a prod". Still nothing.

August came and went, and now it's October and she's started posting on Facebook about hangovers and such. I'm not sure why she has disappeared on me like this. I totally get the changing lifestyles thing, but the fact that she was so quick and enthusiastic in her first contact after he was born doesn't sit with that.

AIBU to feel a bit miffed? How would you approach the situation?

OP posts:
WilsonFrickett · 09/10/2011 20:34

How often would you have seen her pre-DS?

troisgarcons · 09/10/2011 20:35

Some people need 'time out' .... persopnally I wouldnt do anything other than a FB message (seeing as all other lines of communication are down) - saying you miss her company. Then leave well alone.

AKMD · 09/10/2011 20:36

Stop pushing? She probably feels guilty that she's waited so long to contact you and doesn't know how to approach it (guilty emoticon). I know how easy it is to get a message, think, 'Oh, how nice, I must remember to reply when I have a bit more time' and then forget Blush

Send a Christmas card :)

Putrifyno · 09/10/2011 20:36

People are busy and people change. If she is all young and child free, I think you have to admit that you both now have different priorities.

GumballCharm · 09/10/2011 20:48

My friend has repeatedly done this to me so I sympathise. When she had her own DS last year, I thought great! We can re-bond. But after a while, she has begun letting me down etc.

I think I am accepting she's just not that into me!

It's hard. Especically with older mates....but there it is. It's part of growing up. I am not chasing anymore. I dont think you should either.

Original poster
littleacceb · 09/10/2011 20:51

WilsonFrickett - Usually whenever she comes down to visit family, so bank holiday weekends 2-3 times a year. I've only been up once, but travelling to Edinburgh from here is so expensive, it just makes sense to see each other when she's travelling anyway. Ack, that sounds crappy when I write it down, but I guess it's too late now - nobody wants a sprog staying in their flat for a weekend!

I think you may all be right. Stop pushing and hope that our lives end up in the same place again at some stage. I just feel like a bit of a knob having had a bridesmaid who might not always be in my life, you know?

OP posts:
Greatdomestic · 09/10/2011 20:57

I would let it go and not take it personally. Friendships change over time - some survive the changes and others don't.

But don't feel bad about it, or beat yourself up. She may well re-connect with you in the future. I have a friend whom I've known since we were in high school - over 30 years ago. She goes for months off the radar, doing her own thing, but myself and some of her oldest friends just accept it as part of her make up.

PigletJohn · 09/10/2011 20:58

"I've only been up once"

yep, that might be it.

Original poster
littleacceb · 09/10/2011 21:18

PigletJohn - to be fair, she hasn't come down to visit me - we've squeezed in coffee during her family visits, and £140 train tickets aren't exactly in the regular budget for everyone.

OP posts:
SmethWitchBelle · 09/10/2011 22:44

Don't take it personally - if she knows where you are and seems OK let her be.

WilsonFrickett · 09/10/2011 23:14

So did she come down this August, or did she not make it? Because, really, if she's only ever down a couple of times a year, and maybe she's not been down this summer... And maybe (just maybe) you could possibly be a little bit PFB on facebook so shes not checking into your page so much... And suddenly it's 3 months later and no-ones spoken... I think it's fine OP. Just keep the doors of communication open and it will sort itself out.

I have a friend who dropped me completely during my PG and I think she saw me twice during DS first year and him once. She couldn't even make his naming ceremony. Fast forward 5 years and I was her bridesmaid last year. It all came round, eventually. Smile

Original poster
littleacceb · 10/10/2011 08:30

Thanks :) I haven't heard a peep since late June, so I'm assuming that she still came down to visit family, but I just don't know.

Thanks for sharing your story - I'm glad to hear that it can work out.

OP posts:
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