To be finding it difficult adjusting to life in a mid terrace with shared access yard

[Notalone]

After separating from my ex I have had to downsize to a much smaller property in a different village to where I was before. I love my little house because everything in it is mine and organised the way I like it. I also love the new village I live in. However I am finding the actual set up difficult. My yard has right of way to the house next door to access their property. However next doors 5 year old DD has been using my yard as an extension of her own garden. When I first moved in she would walk blatantly into my house at all times of the day asking what I was doing, could she go upstirs, could she play with my dog etc. I counted 15 times in 2 hours the first weekend I was here. I nipped it in the bud immediately and told her she could no longer just walk in. She would have to knock and if I didn't answer it was because I was busy. She then started playing in my garden with my dog which at the time was the lesser of the 2 evils. However tbh it it really starting to annoy me now. I have had to ask her not to play in my garden when my washing is out because she would throw dog toys around the yard and my washing would end up with mucky marks on it which she usually adheres to but she has now started throwing cans from her families recycling into my garden for my dog to catch. I have told her not to do this as my dog could cut his moutn and also because she doesn't pick them back up again . She also constantly leaves my gate open and my dog escaped twice last week. I have spoken to the mother about the gate but it is still often left open. I feel like I am constantly on this girls case but at the same time I am constantly annoyed. I just want my yard to be my yard and for my dog to be safe when he is out there.

Also the house on the other side have 4 ds's including a baby who is about 3 months old. The baby has started waking up at 4am and screaming constantly for ages. The family leave him to cry often until he falls back to sleep by himself or sometimes if the baby doesn't stop crying they will eventually get up and see to him. I am about to start a new job with a 5.30am start to the day and really do not want to be woken at 4am for an hour on top of my hideously early start. I know I probably can't say anything in this case but I just want some sleep and in the other situation some privacy.

I know there is probably no solution to these issues. Now winter is on its way next doors DD will probably be out less and the baby will eventually get older and stop crying so much at night. To make me feel better though does anyone have any stories of coping with shared access yards etc.

I do have ear plugs but I am worried that I will then no hear my alarm for work too, so am a bit wary of using them

I lived in a house like this over 20 years ago and the 6 year old from 2 houses down would 'pop' in. Once she came upsatirs while I was asleep with a migraine, I ignored her and could then here her outside telling all the neighbours I was in bed :)

Thankfully all the neighbours were friends. There was a walkway behind the houses and then the garden part, we put a small fence across the garden to keep the dog safe but leaving the walkway free

The self-closing spring things seem to cost about a fiver?

Ahhh, low gate. Self-closing hinge and padlock, then. Still cheap and easy to install. And consider a combination padlock - harder for children to open than a key, and there's no key for the neighbours to lose.

But really, I would have a word. Padlocking the gate against their child is likely to be just as potentially offensive as simply explaining the problem. "I think your DD is a lovely girl, but I really value my privacy in my garden. Could you speak to her about only using the garden for coming and going?")

My downstairs neighbours once had a problem with us. One day I dropped off a package for her, and she just exploded. If she'd simply told us about it two years (!!) previously, I'd have sorted it out immediately. There was no need for her to keep it all pent up for all that time (it was not a problem I could have guessed at.)

Speaking to your neighbours about a problem they can cheaply and easily solve is probably your best option. They may even go halves with you on the cost of a new hinge, and help you fit it. It's not confrontation, it's just good communication.

SHes not being miserable Makachu the child isn't hers! Why should she have her on her property all day???

I'm not saying that the OP should have to, indeed I suggested that she get a lock put on the gate so that she can't get in. I'm just saying that to me it doesn't sound like a massive problem and is a bit part and parcel with outdoor space. But I live in a Scottish city where most people live in flats and if there is a garden it's usually a shared tenement affair. I couldn't leave my door open because I'd be robbed, so where the OP lives sounds lovely to me!

You could try squirting her with a water pistol when you see her coming round like with bad cats? I wonder if it might be a blessing in disguise if you ever need someone to pop round and feed the dog while you're away... You could stick a lock on the gate, NOT give the neighbours a key and tell them that if they need access they will have to jump over because their daughter keeps letting the dog out. Nicely, over a cup of tea of course.

Notalone, you could try setting an alarm on your mobile and have it on vibrate, leave it under your pillow or in a PJ pocket. Or you could get the loudest alarm clock in the world that will wake the neighbours up too at 5:30.

I think the re installing the spring catch, fixing the lock and having a diplomatic word is what I will have to do. The old tenant informed me he installed the spring catch for the same reason. The DD has calmed down on coming over but she still has her moments. I think this is one issue that might need to be raised properly in the spring as any words I have now will be forgotten by then. I am intrigued what your neighbours issue was Kick2down!

I will put up with the crying for another week as even with a vibrating phone, I will still be paranoid it won't be felt and being late is a huge no no in the first week! I might try and set an alarm next Saturday though instead with a vibrating alert and will see if that wakes me. Hopefully this could be the solution

instead of having the door closed, why not have a stair gate? Allows you to have door open while barring access?

I have to say, someone else's child constantly there would get on my nerves too - IMO when you live very close to people you have to be more sensitive about boundaries. I'd be constantly worrying she'd hurt herself or something.

We have this set up. The local drug dealer tresspasses in our garden with her toddler and leaves tokens to prove it. She also steals our kids garden toys. Her clients trespass on our path and peer in our windows. And we dont live in a dodgy area where this is par for the course. So it could be worse...oh and there is also a young baby who wakes us up every night but she is ours and shares this tiny house with DP and our two sons. We are putting a gate up but i see you already have one so other than talking again to the mum i am not sure what else you can do.

Hi Notalone, The issue was an outlet pipe that was dripping very, very slowly onto the ground outside her bedroom. I couldn't see this from our upstairs flat, and had no idea it was going on. For two years!! Like maybe 10 drops an hour, the sort of thing that would drive you slowly mad. We fixed it in 20 minutes once informed, was seriously no problem to solve, but I was just forever annoyed with her that she had let this issue go for so long.

My point is, speak up. Obviously it's a more delicate subject than a pipe, but good fences only make good neighbours when they stop all contact with said neighbours. When you have to deal with them everyday, good communication is probably a better bet.

As for the crying baby, that one's a no-win. Sadly I fear it's a combination of earplugs and waiting.

Could you fence off your garden leaving the walkway free? So the dog is secure at least. Get it a kennel if it needs one whilst it's outside or just keep getting up to let it in. Don't think there's an awful lot you can do in this situation but your dogs security is your main concern.

I live in a similar situation and spent 15 or so years putting up with neighbours kids wandering over my private property.
The only access is for direct neighbours going to and fro.
I had no kids at the time but was pretty sure that kids could be trained to straight to their own bit of garden without trespassing.

Having had DD I know this is true. She doesn't go on other people's land without permission. When she's outside I keep a close eye on her and she knows the rules.