To want to tell my sister to fuck off to the far side of fuck?

[WitchesBroomForMyChin]

I am a new mum and my sister has a 2 year old. If I hear any more comments along the lines of 'your making a rod for your own back' 'it's because your spoiling her' 'she wouldn't be doing that if you'd started leaving her to cry from the first week' I'm going to explode. I'm sick of biting my tongue and am very tempted to just tell her to jeff off. AIBU?

Oh dear, she is cruising for a few home truths... and if she gets them, she'll have no one to blame but herself.

OP, I suggest something along the lines of:

'Right, sorry, but this needs saying. I would think it's pretty clear by now that we're choosing to do things differently. So we have different opinions. I didn't try and force mine on you when yours were babies, so don't force yours on me. Back off, unless you want me to have to spell it out for you - I don't want your advice because by now it should be as clear as day that I don't think it's very good advice. I don't intend to leave my children to cry because I don't think it's a good thing to do. My children, my decisions. Back off!'

What hamsters said.
If you don't tell her straight, she'll keep doing it.

I would say what hamsters says but with less of an edge and in half the words! It only needs a 'I'm sure you're trying to help but I feel a bit judged by you, I want to do things my way without feeling criticised OK?'.

Yanbu. How bloody annoying. Unsolicited advice like that is awful especially when you are a new mum. Please tell her in whichever way you like to.stop.

Every so often, when I read threads like this, I'm surprised that such outdated views are still in practice. The "rod for your own back" idea re picking up and comforting a crying baby, was on its way out when my DC were babies back in the late 1970s.

Most of the medical/science establishment changed their minds about how young babies should be cared for following some experiments (which wouldn't be permitted these days) carried out by an American psychologist called Harry Harlow on baby rhesus monkeys around 50 years ago. You can read about it here: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_Harlow#Surrogate_mother_experiment but it's upsetting reading.

If telling her to back off won't work, try telling her that she's very old-fashioned, with an emphasis on the old.

Proudnreallyveryscary - I need you as my life coach

YANBU and I think there have been some good suggestions already about what to say. I got similar from my (childless) sis too, she has soooo many opinions. I had to tell her to back off in the end.

TOTAL sympathy with you, I really like slinging my 4 week old and physically can't bare leaving her to cry but so many people are telling me I'm spoiling her and that by slinging her all the time it'll mean she'll only sleep on me (not true atm) and that she'll never sleep through the night that I'm starting to feel guilty and wondering if I'm doing the wrong thing :(

Sorry..that emotional ramble should probably be a thread of its own!

hugglymuggly she's younger than me so don't want to start calling her old But I think I will tell her it's an outdated view and not for me. ahhyes I sling my dd all the time and she's brilliant at night because she gets a good amount of sleep in the day in the sling.

YANBU, and I'd be much less polite than some other posters, but they are probably giving you better advice than me.

And on a personal level, I think you're doing just fine. Can't IMAGINE leaving a little newborn to cry it out and I don't think you're making a rod for your own back! We only did some very time limited (5 mins) CC at over 12 months, and my daughter sleeps through.

YANBU! People said similar to me, but despite not being the most maternal of people before I had children, I found that my baby crying prompted an absolute need in me to respond. It was so so strong I could just not have ignored it, and I reckon that is the way nature has designed it for a reason.

With dd1 I did try not to develop "bad habits" and it was hugely stressful. I wouldn't bring her into my bed, but instead stood over the cot with my head beside her for hours, crying with tiredness myself- looking back I think "What a muppet!" With dc 2 and 3 I just did what it took to get by, and to hang with bad habits, and do you know what- it was so much easier! I didn't worry about routines and if I was teaching them "bad habits" and the whole experience was so much better. they both were far easier and calmer babies, and I sometimes feel guilty about trying to be more by-the-book with my eldest. You are doing the right thing, and your sister is a muppet.

YANBU.

And what she is suggesting is child neglect. That ought to shut her up.

I was met by this at the school gates. my family know better Smile, nod and feel smug when your contented child never murmers, crys, disturbs assemblies etc etc.

Then all of a sudden the school yard/playgroup is awash with new slings.... (did I just out myself?)