FUCK - I'm 40 in a few days.................

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I have 4 healthy, beautiful (if rather horrid at times) DCs, a handsome DH who I love immensely and still fancy after 18 years, my good health, a reasonably intelligent brain and errmm, that's it.

I also have no job, a mountain of debt, no home (we are living in temporary council accommodation, don't ask), a 10 year old car which needs more work on it than it's worth, a toxic family who I am estranged from, not a friend in the world (apart from DH) and I am pretty fat!

So as you can tell, the first half (more or less I hope) of my life has not gone as planned . We had money, then lost it unluckily, together with my mental health but hey, that is all behind me now. I have been a victim of my own anxieties for quite a few years now but I am determined to face them down from now on.

The loneliness is self inflicted. I have not liked myself for so long, I have not been able to accept that anyone else would. I have come to realise after some therapy that I am not as unlikeable as I thought (actually I am bloody lovely) and do deserve friendship. No idea how to start rectifying that at this age though! I would like to take up a hobby but have no idea what.

AIBU to ask you all to give me hope and inspiration to help me start changing my life so the next 40 years do not turn out like the last 40?

I want to turn the page although I am grateful for my shit experiences in a weird kind of way. All the better to enjoy the good things that come next hopefully . Any experiences or wise advice would be much appreciated! It seems like I have a mammoth hill to climb so a kick up the butt would be good.

my goodness, if you have a husband you love that much, you really have hit the jackpot - everything else is just details tbh. Loads of extremely rich and 'successful' people will never know that feeling.
Don't give yourself a hard time, 40 is the new 20 donchaknow!

Sarf you're spot on. Let's turn this round: " I am nearly forty. I have a secure job, some friends ( mainly work based) and get on ok with my family. I'm happy with my appearance, but have to work at it. But the thing is I really want an attractive man who will be my best friend and lots of children to love and love me. My health is not good and I'm down about what happens next. I feel lonely a lot of the time and worry about what will happen next?" Whose life would you rather have? And what would you say to this woman? You've done the work, now get out there.

Hi, first of all forty is worse in the run up than it is after, truly. In the run up you feel as if something's coming to an end but afterwards it really does feel like the start of something - it's as if you don't need to fret any more, and someone's given you permission to go out and do what you really want to do rather than what other people expect you to do. It's remarkably liberating.

So my advice would be not to dread it. It would, corny as it sounds, be to think about all the daydreams you've ever had, about what you'd really like to do for you and your family (btw I think you are v blessed on taht front, ont many people can say as much as you) and then work out how to do it. Work out if you can do it and then work out how to. Instead of starting with the things that are possible and practical, start with the things that might seem impossible and impractical. I mean, we all, or most of us, have to settle for something less than our dreams but it's good to actually know what they are and to either try, or make a decision to forgo them - rather than wake up at 65 and realise what they were.

'Enough life experience to understand it all and enough time left to enjoy it'

Use extra thick wool and enjoy. Love an evil cackle( who ah ahhhh).

does same as MsZIGZAG although with my skills it won't read the way I intend it.

I'll probably get as far as 'enough' and give up!