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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel resentful that I constantly have to take care of DH's dogs?

52 replies

Feelingveryalone · 07/10/2011 11:46

My DH has 3 dogs; it was his choice to get them all. Don't get me wrong I love them and they are all lovely dogs but he just assumes I'll look after them all the time and I'm feeling very stressed. DH is currently working very long hours and sometimes staying away, so it's down to me to walk them. They all need walking separately as I can't cope with a toddler in a buggy and 3 dogs, as they are all quite hyper and pull on their leads. I took one out earlier today and have lacerations on my hand from the lead, it pulls that badly. If they're in the house, they chew things, if they're in the garden, they dig holes and DH moans at me. I am having to walk them all twice a day so that's 6 dog walks a day. 2 sleep in a run at night which needs cleaning out every morning and if DH has to leave for work super-early then it's down to me too, as is the cleaning up in the garden after them, feeding them, doing their water etc. I also have 3 children and DH isn't the tidiest person on the planet so all I ever do is clean up after everyone and I'm fed up with it. DH won't listen if I try to talk about it, and there's no way I could just ignore their needs and leave it to him if he's away or left for work early and back until late, I grew up having dogs and am a dog-lover, it's just that I didn't want dogs whilst we have young children. If he's away then I wake up feeling stressed thinking about having to care for the dogs that day.

I know I probably sound like a right moaner but as I'm sure you all understand, I have enough washing/cleaning/tidying to do with 3 children and the dogs add another 3 or 4 hours worth of things to do onto my day and it just exhausts me at times.

OP posts:

LittleMissFlustered · 07/10/2011 14:06

Perhaps so, but sometimes it works too. The collie we placed with friends had a roaring life of laziness until she died at the age of about 10 and the mongrel lived longer. Both with the same people they had been homed with. Just because something isn't ideal doesn't mean that it is necessarily wrong, especially when taken on a case by case basis.

Regarding homing centres, one of our local ones closes it's doors to new admissions several times a year because of over subscription. They are undoubtedly a good thing, but they aren't the only option.

mistlethrush · 07/10/2011 14:14

feeling the Dogwalker I had when I first got a dog does do dog walking - although by the time our dog started going out with her we had already trained her (the dog!) pretty well - she walked on a lead nicely and had good recall. However, the dogwalker would take on dogs that specifically needed training - normally with a week she'd got them behaving much better.

Do you see any dog walkers in the park where you go? Do any of them look competant and have a sensible number of dogs with them (ie not 16 at the same time!)

Original poster

Feelingveryalone · 07/10/2011 14:17

Tigermoll like I said before the dogs ARE getting adequate exercise and have IMO a good life. Also again like I said previously my husband got the dogs, NOT me, even though I had told him I didn't want dogs. You are clearly determined to make out I am some kind of evil animal abuser which is so untrue. If 2 walks and runs off the lead per day (equating to probably one hour PER day PER dog) isn't enough for each dog, then please do feel free to tell me what you feel is good enough.

To those who asked; we have 2 springers and a labrador.

OP posts:

tigermoll · 07/10/2011 14:29

I'm not calling you an animal abuser, - you yourself have said that you are finding the burden of looking after them too much. If your partner can't/won't look after them, then either get rid of them, or get someone in who can.

Vallhala · 07/10/2011 14:38

Flustered rescue is the only responsible option.

FeelingVeryAlone, ah, thought you might have something like that.

Jesus! Two Springers as well as a Lab! I feel exhausted just thinking about it. Give me my two GSDs and my Lab any day!

Saddened that 2 are outdoor dogs, btw - did DH intend to work the dogs or somesuch?

Agility or Flyball would be ideal for dogs like these, or teach them some gundog retrieving and searching using a dummy (searching using the DC in a game of hide and seek perhaps, get them involved and worn out in the process - bargain!).

There are loads of things you can do with these breeds - well, any, but these in particular, which will wear them out, challenge their brains and alleviate the boredom and chewing in house. Have a Google and see what takes your fancy, ask a trainer for recommendations, see what's nearby to you.

I would never have recommended or, as a rescuer, permitted the homing of Springers into a home with 3 young kids. It's a recipe for disaster, as you are discovering, unless with the most committed owners, lots of land, help or both. Likewise a dog shouldn't be homed where all adults aren't totally committed to having a dog - because this sort of thing is the result and very often the poor dogs aren't as lucky as yours and end up abandoned.

Please tell DH from me that he's a dickhead.

Another thing - when you've spent DHs money on training, dogwalker, childcare, agility etc, then take a bit more and go out and treat yourself - call it payment for services to dogs so far. :o

ChaoticAngelofSamhain · 07/10/2011 14:39

Your DH is a selfish, unreasonable twat.

Not very helpful I'll admit but just in case you decide to show him this thread.

Btw why are you cleaning up after a grown man? Tell him to do his own cleaning

Also tell him he needs to be responsible for his dogs seeing as he went ahead and got them without your agreement. Don't let him get away with calling you lazy either. He does that to get you to shut up so he can carry on being a lazy, selfish wanker.

NorfolkBroad · 07/10/2011 14:47

YANBU I absolutely love dogs so understand where your DH is coming from but they are alot of resonsibility. That is why we only got ONE when we all felt we could cope with her and our dd was old enough. Why did he have to get 3? Sorry if you have already explained this, don't have time to look at all the messages.

With regard to walking I find that running with my dog is the quickest way to tire her out but don't know if that is an option for you or your DH. We use a halti on our dog to stop her pulling, it is 100% effective. She is a very big dog but walks along like a little lamb with her halti on. Or we take her to a big park and use a flinger to get her chasing about for an hour or so.

I really hope you can sort something out. You have been very patient so far!

Vallhala · 07/10/2011 14:48

She has a point, that Chaotic lady.

NorfolkBroad · 07/10/2011 14:49

I think 2 walks a day (esp if that is off the lead ) ought to be adequate. Our dog is big and very active and she is super calm happy on a similar routine.

AnyF · 07/10/2011 14:54

what chaotic said

and Val too

you don't sould like a moaner at all

you have too much to do, and your H expecting you to clean up after him too is the last straw

Vallhala · 07/10/2011 14:59

AnyF?

Have you been told to tone the user-name language down, matey?

ChaoticAngelofSamhain · 07/10/2011 15:08

Isn't there an AnyFucker and an AnyF?

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/10/2011 15:12

YABU doing this for him. Do it for me. I would LOVE a dog but know that it would be too much with the baby and a dog. Why didn't your DP know that 3 of each might be a bit of work? I would tally up a week of dog-care and show him. Count every minute you spend.

Vallhala · 07/10/2011 15:21

Ah, that'll explain it. Thanks, Chaotic. :)

ChaoticAngelofSamhain · 07/10/2011 15:40

Your welcome :) I have to admit to having been confused myself in the past. Mind you, that's not hard with me

mistlethrush · 07/10/2011 15:46

I saw them both on the same thread this morning - very confusing.

AnyF · 07/10/2011 15:56

< shhh > this is my work (filter-avoiding) name

we are one and the same

I will morph back into the sweary one at 5pm

LaWeasel · 07/10/2011 15:57

What a charmer! Thinking he's the great dog owner while you do all the work - cross on your behalf.

You've had loads of great advice, so I won't add more, but be firm and insist on the dog walker and traning at the minimum. If he's not going to be around he has to pay and that's it.

Incidently, all of this is why we don't have a dog although I love them, DH would insist on a really high energy breed because that's what he wants and ignore the fact that it's me that will have to look after them all day.

AnyF · 07/10/2011 15:59

leave him

does that satisfy the people who doubt my true identity ?

Op, that wasn't to you. But your husband is being horrible. Maybe you would consider leaving someone who is being so selfish, but even I would give this bloke a chance once I had laid down my boundaries if he was otherwise a decent type

ChaoticAngelofSamhain · 07/10/2011 16:25

I always just assumed you were two different people and now I have Valhalla thinking the same unless she comes back to this thread [hopeful].

Oh, well I was always good at confusing people

AnyCorpseFucker · 07/10/2011 16:58

...and here is another of the Fuckers

AnyCorpseFucker · 07/10/2011 16:58

shall I pm her ?

Vallhala · 07/10/2011 17:15

I can see it now... the AnyF version in smart business suit with Filofax and the AnyFucker version in jeans and glass of vino in hand! :o

ChaoticAngelofSamhain · 07/10/2011 17:18

SplitPersonalityFucker

AnyCorpseFucker · 07/10/2011 17:23

I pm'ed you Val

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