to tell this teaching assistant to leave my daughter alone?

[huddlecuddle]

It is such a small issue but it's causing DD quite a lot of heartache. She is eleven and just started at secondary school this September. Over the summer one of her best friends moved away and her grandad also died. She has been very good but one day it did get a bit much to her at school and she became a bit tearful. She has said the class teacher was talking to her when the teaching assistant (all year 7 classes have them) came over and said that "if she was upset that she had no friends, then come along to the Breaktime Club." DD was upset at this as she does have friends but didn't feel able to say anything.

DD though the TA would forget about this but at breaktime she insisted DD attend the club. This is held in the special needs department and according to the school prospectus "provides a safe social environment and healthy snacks for children who find making friends difficult" This doesn't describe DD at all and she has little in common with the other children (mainly boys) who attend. However, the TA keeps taking DD to the club despite DD saying (asking) politely to spend break int he playground with her friends.

I rang up on Tuesday and spoke to the special needs co ordinator who was quite defensive although I wasn't rude - I just said that we appreciated the TA's concern but DD would prefer to spend break with her friends. Today however the TA approached DD in the yard and said "Why have you told your mum you hate the club? You love it! Bring your friends!" The entire group of reluctant girls ended up having to go and are now annoyed with DD who is in turn very upset.

I'm going to have to go in and speak to the TA but it sounds so petty. However, DD really is upset by this - AIBU to be annoyed at this TA?

As others have said a very firm letter to her tutor, HOY or at our school head of house.
Also if it's a TA out of learning support the Senco might be helpful.
I know DD has got DH to write one of his 'nice firm' emails when she got invited to some friendship mentoring thing that she wasn't happy about. Nothing has been said since.

No ones in particular Puffin, just suggesting that getting arsey in a letter, might not be a great move.

Agree Maureen. Letters should be calm and simple. The words are there forever.

RCToday I don't think the TA is doing her job when she's isolating a child from her friends/ making them resentful for being dragged inside when they could be playing out.

She's not supposed to be helping the children in her group by co-opting other children, splitting them from their friends and creating another lonely child.

I'd go head of year personally (I'm a secondary teacher). HoY should keep form tutor involved, but I think it's above the form tutor now as you've already contacted the school. Don't involve the individual TA, it needs to be her line manager who deals with this.

Emphasise your DD's wellbeing and how this is upsetting her- HoY7 in particular will be onto this quickly as they want their year group settled. Also mention you've already spoken to the SENCo and still don't have a satisfactory outcome. There'd be some action pretty quickly in my place as soon as HoY was involved. Hope you get it sorted.

when I say 'already contacted the school' I don't mean you shouldn't have done so btw!