To think that paying the mortgage does equal child support?

[RhinoKey]

Genuine question.

My DB and his wife have separated,so he has moved back in with my Mum. DSIL is still in the house with the 2 DC's. My brother is still paying the mortgage. They have been separated 4 months and no sign of reconciliation.

Now DSIL has sent DB an email saying that she wants child support 'that she can actually spend'. My brother is on £15k a year plus a bonus at Christmas which can be up to £2k. The mortgage is £504 a month. SIL worths part time.

DB is worried that he will have to pay more. I am sure that the mortgage payments would be taken in lieu of CS because otherwise DSIL would be paying it?

AIBU?

He should say he has £500 a month she can have and that is it how she has it is her choice.

Help him please I hate seeing people being ripped off by woman in this position.

He will not have to pay the mortgage & maintenance.

Child maintenace is worked out on net income & based on your figures a rough approximation is his net monthly income is £1150, this would be approx £265 a week. For 2 children the weekly maintenance would be £53 a week (20% of net income) so approx £230 a month.

On top of this you state your DB has the DCs overnight 2 nights a week so he would get a 2/7 reduction so he would actually be paying more like £165 a month.

On top of this your DB would be able to apply for a variation to take into account that he is paying the mortgage & possibly for the loan as well if it was taken out during the time they were together for the family's benefit.

And as an aside legally a person must be left with 60% of their income.

If you direct your DB to child maintenance options this will allow him to work out what the CSA will want as maintenance & probably be able to show your SIL.

I hope this helps a bit.

YANBU paying the mortgage is making an enormous contribution, the other woman sounds lazy and just wants him to prop her up. He could just send her the money and leave it up to her how she is to spend it and/or see a solicitor.

£1,150 is more than someone takes home on £16k so your figures are wrong for a start, he only earns 15k so takes home around £1000.00.

But he also has a bonus of around £2k which takes it to £17K. Take home on £15k is about £1000, £16K is about £1075 so as an approximation I think £1150 for £17k is a valid figure

If he doesn't have any tax code reductions and doesn't contribute to a
pension I reckon it's about £1160 a month.

You are DEFINITELY not being unreasonable!!! CSA calculations would be 20% of net salary per month for 2 children - I suspect that's a lot less than the £500 he's paying. This is then reduced by the percentage of time the children are with your ex. (I have 50/50 with my ex so neither of us pays the other maintenance).

The proceeds of the marriage may well be skewed towards the resident parent, with them getting a larger percentage of these, this depends very much on the solicitor (mine suggested 50/50 even though the house was mine and I was staying there with the kids).

Your brother should not pay more than he currently is, he also needs somewhere he can take his children.

I'd suggest taking legal advice regarding the assets so that these are split fairly. If your SIL can't afford to stay in the current house, then she could work additional hours or look at moving - that's her choice but unfortunately she can't expect your brother to live off fresh air.

Surely he only legally has to pay half the mortgage and half the loan? This would equal £250 mortgage, £25 loan and £200 maintenance. He wuld be paying the same. He really should see someone about formalising it, and based on figures given, should not be any more out of pocket.

We had friends, he was paying well over the odds on a private arrangement. Once he took legal advice, his payments were halved.

Your Ex-SIL may find she has to get out to work - "keeping" children isnt just the fathers financial burden, neither is putting a roof over their heads. It's a joint responsibility. She will get a lot of 'benefit' thrown her way now as single parent which wont take into account maint payments from your brother.

Best advice? see a solicitor.

Men being morally blackmailed really grips me. Make sure he doesn't just take the path of least resistance.

My DH pays £800 a month for one 16 year old child because we feel that is his "responsibility". His exW is fully aware that this is significantly more than she is "entitled" to but it is a sum that has been agreed on by all. The £800 takes the form of the mortgage and comes directly out of DH bank into mortgage. ExW is living in a hous for free. What she does with her salary & the benefits she receives is up to her.

Women who want the world on a stick really let the rest of us down & I'm no feminist, I just feel we are equally responsible for the offspring.

If HE wants her to stay in the house, then I think HE should pay, plus some more... however, he shouldn't have to, sounds like he's paying enough either way.

His ex needs to either move and take a set amount of cash each month to spend as she feels fit. OR she stays there and accepts the mortgage but gets a job to cover the rest.

Your Dbro is on almost exactly what my Ex-P is. My ex-P pays £55 a week for 2 dc. Which is what the CSA say he should be paying. Granted, he also chips in for some of the school uniform, half of DS2's shoes (his shoes cost £50+ a pair due to his muscle problems), half of the cost of large, essential baby equipment for DS3 (having to buy it all again, large gap 7+ years between DS2 and DS3, DS3 very unexpected!). But only when given a decent amount of advance notice, and if he agrees it is essential, not something I want to get for DS3 IYSWIM.

So, he paid half for DS3's highchair, but I paid for all the cost of the secondhand jumparoo I bought.

There is NO WAY the CSA will make him pay the mortgage AND maintenance - your Dbro needs to get his name taken off the mortgage - she is trying to SHAFT him. Badly. He needs legal advice NOW. Because anything he pays on the mortgage will NOT be classed as child support - and if his ex goes to the CSA tomorrow, he will be liable for maintenance from that day EVEN IF HE CAN PROVE HE HAS BEEN PAYING THE MORTGAGE.

On what he is earning, he should only be paying out £55 a week for maintenance. Paying the mortgage is not his responsibility - if she wants to keep the house, she will have to get a FT job, won't she, or go into rented accommodation and sell the house.

Hang on - your Dbro has them overnight for 2 nights EVERY WEEK? Then it won't even be £55 he's liable for. 2 nights a week = 104 nights a year = 2/7 reduction in CSA calculated maintenance. . He should only be paying £39.29 a week.

I know far too much about how maintenance works...

Ex-P only has ONE dc overnight, ONE night a FORTNIGHT - which is less than having BOTH dc overnight for 52 nights a year, hence he doesn't yet get even a 1/7 discount. Which he will get once DS3 is old enough to have overnight contact (he is only 8mo and bf, so can't go overnight yet as he's a bottle refuser).

52 - 103 nights (and it's NIGHTS that are the qualifying factor, not days) a year = 1/7 discount.

104+ nights a year = 2/7 discount.

HTH.

Tell your brother to have a look on Here there are people that can give him some good advice - and some all round good advice, for NRP's and PWC's on there.

I'm saddened that all these comments are being made at the mum without anyone having any real knowledge of the situation.

Mortgage and child support are totally separate and should be treated as such.

I think a lot of people's comments is thinly veiled criticism of single parents, but then that's nothing new.

Erm - I hope I'm not criticising ALL single parents, as I AM one. I do think the mum is taking the piss - considering if she went through the CSA, he would be paying £39.29 a week, and he is paying more than that ALREADY AND the mum in this situation is asking for MORE - Then she is extracting the urine.

What's he supposed to live off? Fresh air?

I am a single mum, my Ex-P decided to walk out on me, but FGS even I understand he has to eat and have a place to live.

@Splashmycsplash
I AM a single parent and am appalled that the mother should be trying to squeeze every last drop of money from the father. He still has a right to a home where he can take his children, she's showing nothing but greed. I DO have an understanding of what she's really entitled to as I'm divorced and had legal advice in the early years too.

I agree with Grumpystiltskin, women like this let the side down. Yes, it's unfortunate when a marriage breaks down but it's unfortunate for both parents and (regardless of circumstances) they are both entitled to a fair outcome.