To Think I'm Just Not Up To This

[TeaMakesItBetter]

I think I might just need some and sympathy so clearly I am in the wrong place. Possibly I also want you all to kick me up my bum.

I came back to work mid-August and am flitting between being bored and feeling overwhelmed as I'm trying to take on new work I'm not comfortable with so that I can get ahead and because my bos is trying to train me up to be him. I'm really struggling with it though as it's all about data interpretation and representing it in usable format and I'm just not good at that sort of stuff. But, if I want to get ahead I need to get to grips with it and I'm sure if I can get through this period it will click.

Added to the work thing, I've been ill with horrid hacking cough for weeks, which the baby now has. Work is an hours' commute away on top of the twenty minutes to/from nursery. Husband is largely a helpful sort but recently changed jobs and we've had to have words over his week day input. Feel like have had a worse relationship with him by far since I returned to work.

Would very much like to go stick head in sand and truth be told I was much happier on maternity leave. But that's hardly realistic is it, I have a great baby and maternity leave for me really was pretty much a six month holiday. Who wouldn't be more relaxed spending their days going on long walks, meeting friends and drinking coffee versus tromping into London via nursery and being permanently ill.

Any practical solutions? I already do shopping on line, have a cleaner every other week, work from home two days a week and am pushing DH to do more drop off/pick up. I think it's just the work and illness that's getting to me today. I need to man up don't I.

You need to give it a little more time. Your boss obviously thinks you're up to it.

Give a good crack, work through the wobble, if things aren't better by say, February next year, its okay to then admit defeat and accept it might not be for you... by then, you may find you're actually in your stride.

and sympathy coming your way...

whats so fabulous about working yourself into the ground?

why not take on a less demanding, shorter hours job so that you can stop shortchanging everyone, including you

You need a medal! You aren't well and your baby is only around 8 months. I think you need to feel cared for and then the rest of it will click into place. When my 5th baby was born I had to return to college, do all the night feeds and decorate my house and it nearly knocked me off my feet. I understand the financial issues but I think you need to do no more than is strictly necessary. Could you get any friends or family to help out? Maybe get the cleaner to do more or come more frequently? Could you spend Saturday mornings making meals, or get DH to do it and freeze them as well as doing ironing etc for the week ahead? I know it's tough but it will be worth it. Remember though, your body is still recovering from pregnancy and labour, as well as the hormonal deluge which can go on for a few years. You can't strengthen yourself without any support .

If you're ill, take time off until you're better. We can all battle on when we're young free and single because we know we'll have a good night's sleep and/or catch up at the weekends. When you've got a baby in the picture you have to be a lot more careful with your own health and not run yourself into the ground. Hope you feel better soon.

Sympathies for the hacking cough - I've had three really nasty chest infections this year and came close to leaving college (I'm at home mum to 3 under 5s and at college part time). I am passionate about the course I'm doing, but felt so run into the ground I lost all belief I could carry on. By September was finally better and felt much more positive. As my tutor said at the time "it's hard to feel positive when you're feeling crap."

So first things first - get yourself better then take a long hard look at things. If you feel you would be happier working shorter hours or closer to home - would this be possible? Could you freelance/go self employed?

So no kick up the arse from me! have a warming instead. And some Buttercup syrup....

IMO the baby years at work are very hard, followed closely by the starting school years :)

You need to rope in your DH more.. If you're already working from home 2 days a week, he needs to be home first on 2 of the other nights (say).

Don't worry too much about anything else for now. The commute also sounds draining so try to make it better by downloading podcasts, buying books, downloading the daily paper so you can read etc.

God, thankyou. That actually helps. I think it takes someone you don't know to point out the obvious take time off until you are well. My problem is I am pig headed stubborn and keen to prove I absolutely can do just as good and committed job as pre-baby which clearly is insane. I would never admit this to anyone in RL.

The cared for thing might be key too as I think I was expecting someone to give a shit a bit more pastoral care on return to work from HR but they haven't actually talked to me since my return to work interview back in July.

I think it's been especially bad as DH has been working crazy hours tying up work at his old company before going straight into working for the new company. He might also not quite have his head in the zone of working around the baby yet so a lot of it falls to me though we of course had the equal responsibility conversation prior to my decision to return. He's supposed to do two days a week, one from home preferably but it hasn't been working that way so far so I just need to keep plugging away at him, or reassess our childcare.

The good news? BabyTea is happy in nursery, DH is happy in his new job so it's just me really that needs sorting out. Would be much worse if the baby was miserable.

I get the reduce hours thing, I'm keeping my eyes open for positions closer to home but realistically couldn't do my actual job part time - it would be one of those I'd end up doing the same amount of work but in three not five days. I also think there's value in staying where I am whilst I work all this out as at least I'm known to be a hard worker so any drop in pace or output is because I'm struggling, not slacking.

Thanks again ladies, I feel bolstered!

Lol yes, missed the obvious there didn't I? You're POORLY! You need to get better. Its hard enough when you're feeling healthy, but when ill it feels impossible.

Tea could you do a job share with your position, if dropping hours isn't an option? :)

You need to check you don't have a chest infection, I know drs are very keen not to hand out antibiotics, but I have found out the hard way that if you soldier on for weeks or even a month or so with a persistent chest problem, you can get really sick and just feel so low and depressed as well. Of course you are tired and exhausted, I remember this time well and got every virus going (the LO brings them back from nursery then you get them as you are run-down and exhausted).

It will get better as the baby gets older, perhaps this might not be your finest year but you are keeping your place there, and it's worth thinking about reducing hours if you want to in the longer term. But your point about doing five days work in three days is a good one, and if you can work from home some of the week, I would stick with the full-time salary myself.

Sorry its all so hard at the moment. If you can't reduce your days, is it possible to compress your hours/days? My DH works an extra 30/45 mins a day (surprisingly little anyway) and gets every other Friday off. I think to get every Friday off he had to work an extra hour a day - which he usually does at least that, but he didn't want to commit to it. Something like that might help keen you sane. :)

Was going to suggest the same as Leelo1 - is that a possibility? dh and I both do it and the day off makes all the difference. It also means dds are only in childcare 3 days. Alternatively, if that is not possible with the commute, could you work longer hours on the days you work from home so you could do shorter days on the days you are commuting.

I also do a 1 hour commute, but my childcare is only 2 mins up the road, it's a shame you have to go so far for childcare on top of the commute. I also do online shopping and I survived without a cleaner until 6 months before Dd2 was born but now I couldn't be without my cleaner for survival - could the cleaner come weekly, would that help?

Speak to dd about when he thinks he'd be ready to help out more, I think that will really help take the pressure off.

You have my complete empathy. Hope the job gets easier and you feel better soon.

I thought about compressd hours to make a four day week but it would mean with commuting etc I'd end up seeing less of the baby on a day to day basis as it would mean doing 8-6 and with commute wouldn't see him at all. At the moment I'm pretty happy about how much time I get with him (iykwim) as even when I have the commute to do I still get time with him in the morning and usually get home for end of bathtime/story/bedtime. I'm not sure if every other week might be an option though - definitely worth asking about. Maybe even just drop two days a month and lose the pay? Not sure how that works with nursery though - do you think they'd let him drop every other Friday or is that likely to cause problems?

DH stepped up quite a bit this week, took one day drop and pick up and one additional drop off (though that was because the whole office was out the night before and not expected to be in early!).

I went to the doctor's yesterday and there's nothing to be done but just wait for it to go as it isn't an infection and isn't on my chest. I think if I still feel poorly Monday I will be sensible and take a few days off sick. I'm working from home today so I'm going to try to take it a bit easy and maybe even sit on the sofa with my laptop and some trash TV for a bit! I'm usually one of those WFH people who work harder from home so that might be a nice treat. Actually that's pretty lame isn't it.

You really should take some time off to get well, and if the doctor won't give you anything then dose yourself with as much stuff as you can -- lots of vitamins, maybe some Vicks, hot tea with honey, etc.

On the data stuff, is there a training course or online module that would help? Are you teaching yourself or getting any guidance?

I hated work when I went back after DS1, took me almost a year to get used to it, but you WILL I promise you . I find it easier now and I have 2.

I think the main issue if the fact you feel ill and tired, maybe you need to have a few quiet weekends/early nights and take a days holiday and really rest

also try and use the days you work at home to catch up on domestic shit

you are lucky you have the 2 days at home, so hold onto that!!!!!

and you greieve for the mat leave days, esp if you had them over spring and summer!

so man up!!! and It will get better x

I know, I would kill to keep these days at home if I had to! That's why I'm keen to really work hard on the days I'm home as I want to ensure I can prove the company isn't losing out and not compromise myself. .

I think you are right, I just need to feel better. The baby is a bit grumpy at the moment too which I know is because I am not so happy - he's a complete sponge, the happier I am the happier he is.

I think I need a holiday or something to look forward to so I'm going to get working on that and I'll stock up on Berocca and stuff this weekend. I feel bolstered already, despite having been up since 5am with a sad baby :(

The data thing, no guidance/formal training so I'm working it out for myself as I go although the guy we got in for my mat leave is still with us and is a bit of a whizz so I'm leaning on him for some assistance and my DH is a complete Excel ninja so he's been showing me how to do some stuff. Otherwise, since the evenings are largely free from 7pm-ish I was thinking of doing some kind of course - anything you can recommend?

Manning up!

Oh gosh, you should definitely get some proper training if you can! I always like to try to figure things out myself but it goes soooo much faster usually if you do a real training module.

Do you think your job would be willing to pay for you to attend a one-day course? Whatever it costs, it would still save money given the time you and your coworker are currently investing in teaching yourself.

Or, perhaps there is an online training thing you could do in the evenings?

There may even be some free modules online, from the software company or on YouTube. Or your council or library may offer classes.