Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to feel a little bit sad when people describe their babies as 'naughty' etc.

49 replies

JaneFonda · 05/10/2011 16:34

I probably am BU, but I hear a lot of mums saying how their (sometimes newborn) babies are being 'naughty' by crying a lot, waking in the night etc.

Maybe I'm just being oversensitive because I would love to have my little girls at home waking all hours of the night for me to look after them, not a doctor!

It just makes me feel a bit funny, and most of the times I've heard it it's not been meant in an endearing way, more of a way that the baby is inconveniencing them a lot. :(

OP posts:

pigletmania · 05/10/2011 18:41

Then they are naughty if they do that naughty behaviour, what caused them to do that behaviour then if they are not naughty . Just because they are naughty one do does not mean that they are going to be the next day, but yes if they do something naughty they are naughty. That's exactly what my school bullies were and worse they were little b%$&*tds

pigletmania · 05/10/2011 18:51

Yes my friends ds 4.5 was naughty when we whacked me in the stomach and laughed (iam 6 months pg) and decided to tease my dd 4 (SN) by snatching a toy off her that she really likes and waving it in front of her so that she was wailing and crying. When I told him off and told him to give back the toy, which I gave back to dd, he snatched it from her again causing her to meltdown and continued to wave it in front of her. He knew what he was doing, he was being a naughty boy which showed through his behaviour.

rogersmellyonthetelly · 05/10/2011 18:58

I used to refer (jokingly) to my dd as demon child. She did cry a lot though. I once left her with my sister for a couple of hours and came back to find 3 of them in the house, one warming bottle, one looking after dsis kids and my sister holding dd. Apparently every time she tried to put her down she would scream blue murder. My sister did say she didn't know how I coped, my reply was "you think I'm coping? Hahaha hahaha aha aha" with a manic glassy eyed stare.
Seriously though, no baby is naughty, if they cry it's because their needs aren't being met. Unfortunately for me, Dds needs (being held or breastfed 24/7) weren't very compatible with trying to have a normal life with an older toddler.

NinkyNonker · 05/10/2011 19:00

I think the OP was talking about babies Piglet...

DH and I have sworn we will never call dd princess or pumpkin. Heave.

pigletmania · 05/10/2011 19:01

Ninkynonker my post was directed at whatever's post on not calling children naughty but the behaviour.

NinkyNonker · 05/10/2011 19:21

Ah well, I agree with that. I do think labelling children is a self fulfilling prophecy, as a teacher I would always steer clear of it. I mean, sometimes I snap at DH, sometimes I forget things, sometimes I can't be bothered to do the housework. However I would not describe myself as snappy, or forgetful, or lazy as a person.

pigletmania · 05/10/2011 19:36

I think ninky I would beg to differ, the actions do not happen on their own, the child has to instigate them, therefore in my eyes they are naughty. Yes if I decide not to do housework and to watch TV instead which I do frequently, I am being lazy at that moment in time. It does not mean because you call the child naughty when they do a naughty behaviour that they are naughty all the time iyswim.

pigletmania · 05/10/2011 19:37

I do not call them naughty to their face unless the behaviour is really bad, but i am thinking they are naughty

NinkyNonker · 05/10/2011 19:49

I think we'll agree to disagree, I think we have slightly different interpretations perhaps.

Pishtushette · 05/10/2011 20:02

YANBU. I always used to find it strange when people used to ask Is she good? when DD was just born...

whatever17 · 05/10/2011 20:06

Pishtu - I agree - the question should be "is she well behaved" - which is still a nuts question for a baby. Should be - is she calm/does she cry a lot.

pigletmania · 05/10/2011 20:36

yes I think so . Nobdy is going to entirely agree on that subject

MissBetsyTrotwood · 05/10/2011 20:42

I do agree, and the opposite really irks me too. When people say 'Oh, X is a good baby/toddler' when what they mean is X is easy to look after.

Allboxedin · 05/10/2011 20:43

I think it depends on what you call a baby!
My dd is 24 months and I don't refer to her as a baby now and yes her behaviour can be naughty, but when I am at my wits end do I calmly sit down and explain to my 2 year old that it id not her that is naughty but her behaviour? Probably not!
I think ALL mums say things at times when at the end of their tether and I think mums who say otherwise forget that they have done!

As for calling newborns naughty, I agree, there are other words to describe them.

halcyondays · 05/10/2011 20:48

I don't know that I'd call a baby naughty, difficult, maybe. Naughty seems more appropriate for a toddler or young child somehow. I don't think it's a word I use much, but sometimes, if we tell her she can't have something, or do something, dd2 will say "naughty mama " or "naughty dada" with her best pouty face.

YankNCock · 05/10/2011 20:49

YANBU. Someone I know tells me her baby has been 'so naughty today!' on a regular basis, and I have to hold my tongue to keep from saying 'but HOW? He's a baby!'

YankNCock · 05/10/2011 20:49

In my case, the 'baby' in question was under a year.

SurprisEs · 05/10/2011 20:58

I hated it when DD was called naughty by every other member of DH family when she was a baby. She was clingy, needy, cried a lot, lived attatched to my boobs, all things I expect from a BABY.

I agree most times parents don't mean it in a horrible, I'm so suck of you way. So I don't take it seriously. But it was annoying to have her labeled as naughty even before she could actually BE naughty.

grumplestilskin · 05/10/2011 21:04

Its just a coping mechanism. not a word i used myself (I went for monkey usually) but TBH I didnt always wanna go into just how awful my day had been so easier all round to use a throw away light hearted word instead of blubbing through tears and snot about how hard a day it's been!

"he/she is being a bit naughty today" is preferable to "I don't know what the f* I'm doing and what this child wants for me it just CRIES and I can't get it right"

DrCoconut · 05/10/2011 23:11

I suppose the kind of reverse is when people ask me if my baby is good. You can hardly say of course, he doesn't know how to be bad! But you can think it.

TheGrassIsJewelled · 06/10/2011 13:38

I agree, OP, but have been known to use it in the way grumple describes to DH and mum friends. I know she's NOT being naughty.
Local post office worker asks me EVERY time I go in 'Is she good?' 'Is she daddy's girl?' I always get flummoxed and don't know how to answer either question ('um, she's a baby' is what springs to mind).

nethunsreject · 06/10/2011 13:40

Yanbu.

Our society is still caught up in the old 'children are inherently evil' puritan tradition. Hence the popularity of Gina FOrd, TIzzie Hall, Jo Frost, etc, etc.

excitedLJ · 06/10/2011 13:49

wow, i have probably offended a million mums over the years when asking about the behaviour of their children. It never struck me that asking if a baby was 'good' could be so heniously stupid

INeedAHipHoperation · 06/10/2011 14:09

I've been asked innumerable times if my baby is good. I always say yes but really the answer to what they're trying to ask me is no.

I'll tell my husband that the baby is a nuisance and a bother but really what I mean is, I've struggled today.

It's just language isn't it? It's clumsy. You read betweens the lines or you'll spend your whole life offended.

Flip

1 2