To think my fat neighbour has been stealing from me?

[CheesyWotzits]

My milk has been going mising from the doorstep and apples have been going missing from our trees.

Our neighbour is very fat and I have often caught her peering over the fence. With halloween coming up our pumpkins will soon be ready, I'm worried she'll steal them too... Aibu to confront her?

What!? You found footprints? Damn, and I thought I was so careful.

How deep are the footprints? I bet you could measure the depth to calculate the weight of the person who left them, somehow.

Can you put the chocolate bar on a piece of string? You could reel her in and poke her with a pitchfork.

Could you send her our way? We only have semiskimmed but trees full of apples that me and DD can't be arsed to pick or collect.
There are four different sorts so she can have variety in her diet.

whomovedmychocolate at the cat nom

Whomoved

I just laughed so hard I dislodged dd

she gave me her most affronted look

which made me laugh harder

Does she have Great Tits?

Gaaah! My cat! Please tell me it's not so, you can help yourself all the pumpkins you can eat!!!!!!

Damn was gonna suggest a marsbar on a piece of string , I do love a marsbar

Footprints, rather than porky little trotterprints? Are you sure it's your neighbour?

Lay a trail of honey and glue

There is a pressure/weight/surface area equation Miss Penteuth and a helpful physicist may come along in a minute to explain.
So, in theory you are right. I think

The quality of the wind up is suffering badly at the moment! What IS the matter with everyone? Run out of ideas?

I'm confused. Are you saying that you count the apples on your tree?

Fat people don't eat apples. HTH.

Big fat F in your trolling 101 practical exam. Do a bit more research maybe 1 or 2 more written essays and come back next year for another go.

Oh im here for tutoring if you need me.

she has been, she told me but don't tell anyone

Burp Sorry about that. Yes as I was saying, are you quite attached to your children or would you say you are young enough to have more. They like chocolate sauce right?

troll - obviously she would crash through the fence. Especially if you get your milkman to expose himself or deliver chocolate.

Why am I the only one to object to the use of the word fat here?

You should just have informed us that your neighbour was stealing from you.

I think you need a visit from that HV who told off the op yesterday.

Our neighbour is very fat and I have often caught her peering over the fence. With halloween coming up our pumpkins will soon be ready, I'm worried she'll steal them too...

Fill 'em with laxatives. But check the drainage situation first.

She'll only come back and shit on fertilise the tree, Cumbrian!

Winning all round, then.

wow this thread makes me rofpmplmao. seriously, wth. YABU to mention her size, and to use this as reason to suspect her, unless she has some disorder, like PW etc.

it's probably kids, fat ones ;)

Are there other neighbours near you who are wondering where all their pies have gone?