AIBU to be upset by this?

[loveglove]

Background: Getting married in 6 weeks, have made huge effort to lose weight for it, have lost 1.5 stone so far through healthy eating and exercise. I have now moved onto meal replacement drinks for a last push. I have also given up smoking (its only been two days but still) as it's high time and I don't want to be a smokey bride.

I turned to DP last night and said,"I can't wait for us to married. I am going to eat EVERYTHING after we are haha" (I didn't mean I was going to get fat, I just meant I was looking forward to eating again iyswim)

He said "Nooooo don't do that, don't become a porker"

We had a conversation after this, and he basically said if I got too fat he'd leave me. It transpires he was imagining me being 40 stone (I weigh 12 right now) which is quite a dramatic change, and not at all likely, but it upset me as I thought he was supposed to be with me for me, not my body (which is funny as my body's rubbish anyway!).

I can understand that he wouldn't find me sexually attractive at that size, but still. I feel I'd still love him if he were 40 stone and wouldn't leave, even if I couldn't have sex anymore.

So...am I just being over emotional about it because I'm not smoking and not eating? (Both of which make me emotional haha)

How many people 'let themselves go' because they can't be bothered though?

Far more likely that it's depression, unhappiness, mental health issue or something else of which a symptom is failing to take as much care of yourself as you used to.

Surely someone who loves you won't abandon you for that?

I do totally understand what you mean OP. I have just lost over 2 stone and have no intentions of putting it back on again. My husband loved me when I was bigger, and I dont think he loves me any more or any less because I have lost weight, but he is proud of me losing the weight, and happy because he knows how happy it has made me.

He has said that if I ever got to 20 stone he would divorce me.. and I wouldnt blame him, he wasnt attracted to someone who was an obese blob when we met, and the same goes for me with him. I wouldnt want a husband who was morbidly obese either.

Congrats on the weight loss so far OP, and the non-smoking for 2 days!

DH & I often talk about this, and we both admit we'd find it hard to be happy if one of us got overweight.
I wouldn't be happy with myself if I was ever overweight, so I don't think DH should have to put up with it.

Well I think what he said was pretty shallow, but I am sure he just panicked and didn't think it through so cut the guy some slack. He is living with a pre-wedding/cigarette craving/ dieting woman after all!

I think YABU to say you have a "rubbish body" though. Never say anything about yourself that you would be hurt by if someone else said it.

He is living with a pre-wedding/cigarette craving/ dieting woman after all!

Haha I didn't think of it like that. Poor DF :(

Being morbidly obese isn't just about the way someone looks, it is all encompassing and impacts on health, attitude, behaviour, capabilities, outlook etc.

As a family we have a fairly active lifestyle: I ride with DD and run, DH plays golf, coaches football and plays rugby as does DS; we go on skiing holidays and like going on bike rides or swimming in the pool. We go to the beach regularly, DD is learning tennis and yoga.

A lot of these things we do together. If DH (or I) became morbidly obese we wouldn't be able to participate in those family activities and that would impact enormously on family life, I would consider it a withdrawal from the family and I think I would lose respect for him, I would certainly dislike him.

In addition I couldn't have sex with someone I didn't fancy and the though of being in a sexless marriage is depressing.

So I don't think falling out of love with someone who is 40 stone (or frankly a lot less than that) is shallow.