to tell my horrible selfish ungrateful children i will no longer be washing for them.

[HelloSweetie]

they are perfectly old enough to do it themselves and then it won't be my fault if what they want isn't done.

ditto packed lunches. no matter what i do it is wrong so i shan't be wasting my time any more.

in fact i may just refuse to get up and see them off to school at all. it's not like i need to be up at 6.45.

AIBU?

It's a tough one, isn't it, and initially it does feel a tad unmaternal...but maybe start things off gradually. You do need to train them soon though, otherwise you will find yourself in my situation with a 17 year old (also Aspergers but v mild) a year away from university and incapable of even making a cup of tea...my bad!

DD2doesn't eat normal food so oking is never going to be an issue for her, but she really should know where the crackers and marmite are kept.

cooking even

As I'm at home supposedly for such things I do their washing and ironing. The three oldest know how to use the washer, dryer and iron though. The youngest will be shown when he's finished exams next summer and is on study leave, when there's just the two of us around and he's nowt to do so will be helping me.

I'm still washing my 20 year old's clothes. I think it's a bit mean to do a wash, (seeing as I do at least one a day) and leave his out. I don't iron his stuff for him and he picks it up and puts it away.

I have made a rule that I don't wash anything unless it's put in the washing basket. One of them is about to run out of clothes...

Not unreasonable to start the process of them doing such things for themselves. You don't want to end up like my mother-in-law who allows her children (all in their 30s) to treat her like a housemaid and then whinges to me about it.

What do you mean "dd2 doesn't eat normal food" ?