As the title says I feel unloved, I guess mainly it's hormones, or mood swings, but I can't get rid of this gut-feeling of utter emptiness, despair, loneliness etc, etc.
DH & I have a toddler, and I'm pregnant again. I'm in my 40s, have known DH for just over two & half years. I was thinner when I met him, and looked VERY young for my age...when pregnant with DD, I put on 5 stone, and the sleepless nights, fact that I'm pregnant before the baby weight came off, has all led to me looking less youthful.
This is where I become unreasonable: I feel insecure (I know that's normal when heavily pregnant), but this is way beyond anything I've ever felt before.
When we go out, DH is less than affectionate. If in town he doesn't hold my hand (OK so I'm pushing a buggy, but he still used to put his hand on mine), now he walks behind me - he says because there's not enough room, yet other people manage to walk together. He gets worse & further from me, if there happens to be young, teenage girls around.
His ogling of other women is pissing me off. It's nor women he ogles, but young teenage girls - some of them in school uniform.
I'm not a prude, or naive, I know that men look at women, but even when I was with a player (a few years ago) I never felt so invisible & undesirable. I've tried to rationalise it, but I have never been with a man before, who constantly turns his head to look at other women (and look them up & down), when with me before - NEVER! If they have it's been discreet, but I've always felt as if they've only eyes for me, when with me.
On his phone is videos of pop stars he finds attractive, and photos of celebs he fancies... This shouldn't bother me, but it does. I used to have them when I was single, but in a relationship, to carry around photos/videos on your phone, of other women you fancy , is just - weird! I'm not talking about porn here (which would worry me less), but to have no photos of me, and just of random famous women he wants to 'fantasise about' is just weird, and not something you do unless you're not with someone you're in love with, or are under 14 years of age.
Worse, the other night we were talking. I mentioned that I'd never fancied a man with balding hair before - and never thought I could (DH is balding), and his reply was "well when you get older your choices get limited & you settle for what you get".
Now that may be perfectly logical & sensible, but it hurt like hell, and kinda confirmed to me what I guessed all along - I'm just the woman he 'settled' for, and he looks at these young girls & fantasises about them, but married me as he didn't think he stood a chance with them...it makes me cry to think that, and I'd rather be alone, than know that he chose me because I was 'available' to him, not because he was in love with me. The stupid thing is, I had a few other men after me when I got with him, so I didn't settle for him.
He's stopped wearing his wedding ring (it was too small, but he got it sized up twice, but still claims it's tight), and has stopped grabbing my hand in the car, in the last couple of months... I feel like a housemate, and an occasional shag, but do not feel like a wife.
A friend of mine died in February at the age of 41, two months after being diagnosed with a brain tumour. Her DH of 20yrs was devastated, and they were truly in love - I mean they still fancied each other - she died knowing she was loved, tbh if I died tomorrow, I would never know how she felt to be loved.
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AIBU?
To feel unhappy & unloved, or should I just grow-up?
38 replies
littlepiglet · 04/10/2011 12:57
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