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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be disappointed with my friend?

48 replies

eshermum101 · 04/10/2011 10:56

I asked my friend if her husband would mind dropping ds1 home from football practice this evening as my husband is away and the mum who usually does it is sick (I have 2 other children who are one and three so the seven o'clock pick up is tricky). her husband helps out at the football so is always there, with their son who is in the same class as mine at school. She responded "no" because it would be a detour and her son cannot spare the time as he has homework. Her son is seven, and the "detour" is five minutes at most as we are on their way home..... I have known her for three years, and we regularly socialise (in face we are supposed to be going out to dinner with them this Friday). Am I being unreasonably to be irked that she won't help me out, as if the tables were turned I wouldn't hesitate.....

OP posts:

Original poster

eshermum101 · 04/10/2011 11:56

Oh well - I think we have invested enough energy on this one! I am miffed, but I will get over it......always interesting to run the gauntlet on these threads! I will mention it her when I see her to ensure there isn't some other underlying reason she is being so unhelpful....

OP posts:

CustardCake · 04/10/2011 11:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nickelbabe · 04/10/2011 11:59

oggy - because it's driving 10 houses each way out of her way.
that's not inconvenience - it would take as long as waiting at the traffic lights.

Oggy · 04/10/2011 12:02

nickelbabe, you are making a whole host of assumptions there.

you assume they are going straight home from the football practice, rather than to another persons house or library to do homework or taken out for tea somewhere etc
the husband is taking the son home. You have no idea whether the husband is a bit of an arse who doesn't like doing anythikng for anyone. This might make OPs friend a bad judge of character but not a bad friend

for starters...

mrsscoob · 04/10/2011 12:04

I think she texted her other half to ask him and he said no as it was out of his way and so she made up the thing about the homework so that it doesn't look too bad. I bet if it were her doing the picking up she would have said yes.

nickelbabe · 04/10/2011 12:05

Oggy - so are you - the woman said to the OP that she wanted to get home because the child had homework.
true about the husband.

Oggy · 04/10/2011 12:06

Wrong nicklebabe: I quote:

"She responded "no" because it would be a detour and her son cannot spare the time as he has homework"

Says about doing homework, not about getting home.

Oggy · 04/10/2011 12:08

Look, I'm not saying she might not be being an arse, but it's just its a bit presumptious to presume it isn't inconveniant when she has explicitly stated it is an inconvenience.

For the record I would def have done it, and my husband would if I had asked him to as well, but if she says it is inconvenient then maybe there is a reason why it is.

Hullygully · 04/10/2011 12:10

You are way too invested in this, Oggy.

Oggy · 04/10/2011 12:11

Thank you hullygully

warthog · 04/10/2011 12:14

i would have helped you. and i'd also be making a sarky comment when you next drop her son off about the detour.

my motto is: don't accept help if you can't reciprocate.

turnitup · 04/10/2011 12:16

Oh I would actually feel quite pissed of with her - its hardly much of a favour is it!

Chandon · 04/10/2011 12:18

it could be due to the husband.

My DH doesn't know how many favours my friends and I do for eachother (picking up someone, dropping someone off, constant carpooling etc.) and the other week, when a mum was running late to pick up her son from a party, I offered to take him back to ours, where she'd pick him up later. He was only with us for 10 minutes or so, but DH was huffing and puffing about the inconvenience of it all.

maybe her DH is the same.

nickelbabe · 04/10/2011 12:47

even if it's due the husband, I personally would consider withdrawing the weekly lift to swimming.

oggy - i stand corrected.

kenobi · 04/10/2011 13:03

Hi eshermum, it's always fascinating how more info changes the shape of the story. From your original post, you were being a bit BU. From your later posts YANBU big-time, and I agree with heggertyhaggerty's post.

If you'd given us the full info from the beginning you would have got a COMPLETELY different reaction from most, me included

chicletteeth · 04/10/2011 13:42

You have drip fed.
You were being a little precious (rather than unreasonable IMO) based on your first post, but now you have provided us with the full story,YANBU.

Just say you can't do the swimming run (or whatever it is) because you need the extra five minutes (it takes to do the detour) not rush breakfast, have another cuppa, whatever you see fit.

Maybe you should find out if she's just being difficult or really has time management issues before withdrawing a favour you've always been happy to provide.

begonyabampot · 04/10/2011 13:56

Talk to her about it to clear the air, this would piss me off big time and I'd really grudge to help her out in future.

WRINKLYOLDPERSON · 04/10/2011 13:58

If it is really only 5 minutes out of her way then as a friend she is being very unhelpful. FGS if she gets home 5 minutes later, let the child do his homework and go to bed 5 minutes later it won't kill him!!

valiumredhead · 04/10/2011 14:06

I agree with bats.

mummytime · 04/10/2011 14:19

Lets be honest YANBU. (Lets stop this ridiculous drip feed stuff.....)
I sometimes ask people to give my kids lifts, even once in a blue moon with no reciprocation, eg. could you drop my DD at my house (which you drive/walk past). I also sometimes give others lifts with no pay back (I see it as paying into the bank of life, to pay for when others do things for me, or might in the future).
My DH can huff with the best, but deals with it when I tell him "Oh you're giving Alice a lift home tonight" or "Suzy will be here tomorrow" (second to warn him not to strip off when he comes in after cycling home).

But I do wonder if this DH is a bit of a problem. And yes next week I would be on the touchline observing his behaviour closely.

plupervert · 04/10/2011 16:27

There's no need to withdraw all favours just because of this one "no". Maybe there is something else going on this time, which is no-one's business outside the family. However, if it happens again, you would not be unreasonable to start withdrawing. I realise she has not done the only favour you have asked, but just imagine if this were coincidence, and you fell out over that!

usualsuspect · 04/10/2011 16:32

She sounds like a miserable sod

BruciesDollyDealer · 04/10/2011 16:42

maybe they have five other kids to drop off and yours would just be too much

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