to throughly dislike parenting labels?

[TandB]

I suspect this whole craze for labelling our various parenting choices is a product of the internet forum age, as people find it easy to connect with others with similar opinions and interests, and they need quick and recognisable ways of describing certain practices when typing. But I do find this whole idea of parenting 'types' odd and irritating.

BLW. Babywearing. Cloth-nappying. Elimination communication. Co-sleeping. BFing. FFing. Unfooding. Unschooling. Unconditional parenting. Attachment parenting. CIO. CCing. The list goes on.

It's not so much the individual terms that bug me - if you are discussing something then you need to find a way of describing it. It is the way people try to create whole lifestyles or belief systems out of pretty simple parenting choices. I find this is particularly prevalent among people whose choices are different to the current mainstream. I use a sling full time and DS is in cloth nappies. When he was a baby we co-slept on and off and didn't have a routine as such. All of these things came about because they suited us as a family or because we believed that they were beneficial. They were individual choices, not part of some parenting ethos. But whenever I meet others who do any of these things they seem desperately keen to establish my natural parenting credentials. Do you 'do' unconditional parenting? Are you going to 'do' Steiner?

AIBU in finding this a bit illogical and artificial? Why does the method I choose to transport my child around, or the type of poo-catching device I employ make it any more likely that I will agree with a particular educational ethos or be evangelical about organic gardening? I don't get it. It just feels like someone has grouped together a random selection of things and set them up as the entry criteria for some sort of parenting club.

Oh you must try elimination communication with your next baby. Must I? Why? What if I don't want to? What if I don't see any benefit in it?
Oh you really should think about home-educating. Should I? Why? Because it is something you want to do?

Would I be unreasonable to scream 'because I bloody well don't want to' the next time someone raises an eyebrow and asks me why I don't do unconditional patenting? Or am I just hormonal and crabby?

Ok my above post smacks of my own insecurity as a parent.

Maybe a need some labels

"Unfooding"...

Some of the comments are worse than the original article! Mind you, I shouldn't have clicked on it when I saw the source. The Green Parent never fails to raise my blood pressure.

Jessie

Extendedly breastfeeding past two years old, ECing, co-sleeping, sling-using, forcing innocent toddlers to eat vegetarian food, disposable nappy using, vaccinating, and buying plastic toys.

Here's a link to mine Panda here

And actually I disagree with parenting being a noun, parenting is a verb. It is a doing word, but something we only can be good at by just, well doing it, getting on with it. Not by wasting time talking about it and labelling it.

Oh yes Mumbling - you can have a Yanbu as well for that thread.

I liked the comments, too - especially the ones who were giving up money and foraging all their food - I reckon come January they will be pretty unfooded

rizzo parent is a noun not a very. You do not parent a child. You are the parent of the child. Turning nouns into verbs is very American.

I have to go and guide my daughter through some un-pooing

Might start an un-pooing parenting quiche.

Takver-

I agree it is not a very.

YANBU
I BF, used cloth nappies etc but often if you meet up with people who do so too and consider it a label they actually get quite... I dunno angry? if it transpires that I also like my LO having routines, do naughty step, vaccinate etc!

and if it comes into conversation that I went to a steiner-like (not steiner but v similar) school and thought it was Cr@p...... well they'll never talk to me about nappies/BFing etc again??

you're not allowed to pick and choose when it comes to these things, either you do ALL attatchment parenting or you are an evil toddler torcherer who needs to be "educated" about the damage you're doing - yawn!

And I think the other reason I don't like the verb 'parent' is that it makes people think that being a parent isn't enough, they have to know how to parent. And once that idea takes root then, if you're at all insecure, you are at the mercy of every bit of cod advice going.

What other status is going to be turned into a verb I wonder? Are we going to be asked to learn the art of 'daughtering'... 'wifing'... 'neighbouring'... ?

Could someone answer this for me (so far as I have not been interested in labels)

What is co-sleeping? I have no idea whether I did this, or not?

I think what it is is when they see the cloth nappies and the BF they get a think bubble that says "one of us" and feel free to assume you do all the rest or rant to you about working mums and vaccinations, then when they find out I pick n choose its almost as if they think I falsely advertaised myself LOL

Yes, we all know parent is a noun. But it can be argued (without and schmaltzy American simpering) that the act of "raising children" / parenting can be seen as an action.

Co-sleeping is sharing a bed with you baby or child.

That's it exactly grumplestilskin - the All, or be damned attitude with this (whichever) type of Parenting.

caramel, I think it is when you sleep in the same bed with your LOs - especially if you do so habitually or as a matter of principle rather than in despair when they have climbed in for the 14th time that night

sorry, x post

To be fair, I think the all-or-be-damned is a bit of a hippy tendency anyway. If you live off grid, grow vegetables and ride a bike, people assume that you won't vaccinate your kids, use homeopathic medicines, are veggy/vegan etc etc and are a bit bemused if you don't tick all the boxes.

A bit like meeting a tory voter with a blue rinse who smokes weed - it doesn't compute (though I did speak to a Telegraph journalist once who told me that an awful lot of his readers do, don't know how he knew though)

I don't get if from the other end of the spectrum TBH, I found routines and the books that cannot be named fantastic, but only used elements of them and was still spontanious, fed to sleep, sometimes co-slept. Those I've met who followed them religiously can have sensible enjoyabe conversations with me about what worked for them Vs what worked for me

the attatchment lot as good as say (no sometimes DO shamelessly say) that any other way is almost child abuse!

YANBU
Why does the method I choose to transport my child around, or the type of poo-catching device I employ make it any more likely that I will agree with a particular educational ethos or be evangelical about organic gardening? Exactly.

I also started a thread on this once, WRT 'baby wearing' I think. Pointing out that 'baby wearing' is a convenient way to transport a child, or keep them out of harm's way while you work, not an ethos. Ask my african MIL if she's espousing a philosophy as she hangs out her laundry or cooks lunch with DN on her back and she'd look at you like - turning these practical parenting tactics into 'philosophies' is the preserve of MC western women with too much time to analyse things and too much anxiety. I also think it's a facet of being 'spoiled' by choice. My SIL loves her pram and was very impressed with the baby bjorn I bought her - yes she knows how to strap a baby on using a piece of old tablecloth but modern innovations make things a tiny bit easier and that's welcomed by women with fewer options - but rejected by women with lots of them. Odd.

I know a woman (tangentally, not personally) who is woo to the Nth degree. Lotus birth, UP, AP, steiner and all the rest. Refers to pram use as 'unconscious parenting' and whose DS by the way is a handful - she's pg again and has serious SPD which could cause permanent damage. She has been told she needs to use a pram with new baby and is devastated. That's not normal. She really believes she'll be damaging the child. No perspective.

babywearing

Mealtimes tend to be a big hotchpotch of raw goodies, some homebaked stuff, salads and a main dish like risotto or pasta

From the 'unfooding' blog ^

Seriously, how much food must get wasted? I often do DS a plate of picky bits, and he never ever eats all of everything.

Thank you RIZZO - yes I did that; after a certain time, in to a cot went baby.

Is co-sleeping only "Co-sleeping" when it is compulsory and only ceases when the child decides they want to leave the adults bed? (They may be 4, 5, 6, 7 or above in age at this stage)

I think most of us "co-sleep" at least from time to time but only a few are "co-sleepers" IYKWIM

the latter is a label about beliefs, the former is having a cuddle!