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AIBU?

To not invite MIL's fiance to our wedding

43 replies

hurricanewyn · 03/10/2011 18:27

Me and OH are getting married in 3 weeks time.

We were originally going to have a big wedding, but decided due to a whole host of reasons to scale it right back down. Now, we're having a teeny tiny wedding with just our mothers, our two children and my siblings. OH is an only child, so obviously won't have siblings there.

My mum wasn't too happy about this decision. I think she wanted her day as Mother of the Bride, as well as pointing out how disappointed my aunts and uncles will be at not going. I did/do feel a bit guilty about this, but decided that this is our day and we should be happy with how it is.

The wedding will be in Dublin, as both our families live in Ireland, so it made sense to us to have it there.

Anyhoo, OH was on the phone to his mum the other day when she told him that she has gotten engaged. We've never heard anything about this chap before, and have certainly never met him. OH says she was angling for an invite to the wedding for him, but he didn't take the bait as he wanted to speak to me first.

AIBU to think that, with the size of our wedding party, it wouldn't be appropriate to invite her fiance. We've never met him and he will be a stranger to everyone apart from OH's mum. I don't particularly want him there, I think there will be loads of time afterwards to meet him and get to know him. I especially think if we're not having close family and friends there shouldn't be an invite for MIL's fiance. My mum would love to have her sisters there at least and my siblings would love to have their OH's.

OH would like to invite him, but mostly just to keep his mum happy. Should I do it?

OP posts:

Report

Flowerista · 03/10/2011 19:08

OP I so want her to drink tea from a china cup and play a mean game of back jack. Good thinking about talking through with OH. I burnt a few boats with my wedding list that with hindsight I do regret.

Flowerista · 03/10/2011 19:10

Not tea, gin!

ChaoticAngelofSamhain · 03/10/2011 19:11

YANBU If this was a big wedding where you wouldn't notice one more guest then it would be different. However, this is a small, intimate affair with only family and this is someone you've never met.

hurricanewyn · 03/10/2011 19:12

Not quite gin and black jack Flowerista, but she can drink any man under the table and sings sea shantys once she's had a few!

OP posts:

hurricanewyn · 03/10/2011 19:14

But, cjbartlett, my siblings' partners aren't being invited. No one else has a plus one. If they did, it wouldn't be an issue.

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 03/10/2011 19:14

Provided you would be happy to be left out of their wedding celebrations, should they happen, then go ahead.

Flowerista · 03/10/2011 19:17

I luff her, she can def come to any wedding of mine!

triskaidekaphile · 03/10/2011 19:45

I think you should definitely invite him. Your fiancee wants to invite him and his guest list so far is 1 versus your 3. And you should consider inviting your siblings' other halves too. Weddings are more fun for guests if there are a few people to have a laugh with.

HeadfirstForHocusPocus · 03/10/2011 19:48

I too think you should invite him, plus your siblings partners. It will still be a small wedding.

Hullygully · 03/10/2011 19:50

Well I'd invite him. Be kind.

anniepanniepears · 03/10/2011 19:56

I think you should invite him he is your mil partner ,one more person wont break the bank will it ,he will be your husbands step father if they get married

KeepInMind · 03/10/2011 20:05

You do not know him so you do not have to invite him

Kick2down · 03/10/2011 20:13

I actually can't believe you would consider not allowing the groom's MOTHER a plus one. It's really very little to ask. I once went to a wedding where the bride and groom refused to invite the best man's girlfriend (similar reasons, they said they didn't know her). The rest of us thought it shockingly mean. The BM had even offered to pay for her plate at the reception, still no.

If you like your MIL, have the boyfriend along. And all the 'Who's that bloke in the photos?' stuff will be forever a charming reminder of your MIL and her string of boyfriends! Have a sense of humour, and some generousity, with your future husband's mother.

And if your OH wants to let his mum have a plus one, I really don't think you can (or should) refuse. It's his wedding, too. And for her, it's her little boy getting married - let the "fiance" come along.

Kick2down · 03/10/2011 20:17

Seriously, why haven't you invited your siblings' partners?? How many brothers and sisters do you have?

Crosshair · 03/10/2011 20:17

For our wedding we plan on having Mil and fil/My mum and +1.

Ask what your dp wants and try to come to a compromise you're both happy with.

reelingintheyears · 03/10/2011 20:20

It's your decision but ask yourself how you'd feel if your fiance wasn't invited to a family wedding.
You might be hurt even if the family hadn't been able to meet him yet.

smithster · 03/10/2011 20:22

Ignore everyone on here who makes any nasty comments like 'you're being a cow', you're asking for advice / opinion not insults and judgement. It's your wedding and the one day you get to do what you want.

My DH and I got round it by not telling a soul and got married abroad, just the two of us, bliss!

fit2drop · 03/10/2011 20:27

Relationships With MILs can be quite strained at times (not saying every-ones , some lovely MILs out there ( I know I've had several just the sons that was not so great ) but inviting her fiance would be a lovely gesture on your part, both to your MIL and don't forget he IS your future FIL.
Having him there will also take the pressure off your DP (DH) to entertain his mum and to have to keep making sure she is OK so therefore he will be able to give you ALL of his attention on the day.

Good Luck with whatever you decide and I hope you have a wonderful day .
Congratulations

Flip

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