This is probably a silly little thing to get in a quandary over but I can't stop running it over in my mind and would appreciate MN opinion!
DS1 currently goes to after school club on Mondays and Tuesdays.
The mum of two of his best friends- as a result she is a friend of mine too now- has offered to have him for tea every Monday instead, all three go to Beavers at 6pm and she would pick them up from school, give them tea, they'd have a little play before getting changed and then take them there. She would then go back home (for some well deserved peace and quiet!)
This is lovely of her- they are a smashing family and I trust her to look after ds.
At present, I leave work at 5, pick dh up from work (we are sharing a lift as he is self employed and his current contract is nearby), collect DS2 from nursery and then collect ds1 from a/s club, before going straight to Beavers where I drop DS1 and DH off (DH helps out). DS2 and I pop to the shop to get packed lunch things for the week and we might have a quick drink in the supermarket café before picking them both up again. We all get home at about 7.30, sometimes a smidge later. I think this is quite late enough for the children, ds2 normally falls asleep in the car on the way home as it is which I feel a bit guilty about.
DH and I were travelling separately until recently as I didn't want the little one especially so late to bed, but credit crunch and all that has meant we really can't afford to run two cars to do virtually identical trips. It's a 56 mile round trip from home- work- back again (school, nursery, friends house and Beavers are all virtually enroute). I'd like to be able to offer to bring friends' children back to their house afterwards but this would mean our whole family would not get home until 8 ish and I feel that for my two this is far too late for a school night and that we are already pushing it a bit. (appreciate that other families do other things- not judging other folks preferences but just know that it works better for our family having a 7.30 ish bedtime for kids).
DS is very happy to go to after school club, he really enjoys it. But equally loves going to his friends house, so I don't have a problem in that respect.
Things I do have a problem with;
A) It feels like a big favour to be asking of her every week (of course if her/children are poorly/other commitments/it didn't work out etc etc then we'd make alternative arrangements)
B) I feel bad about not being able to bring her kids back after Beavers. I can't even offer to pick them and my ds up on the way past as we wouldn't have enough room in the car (ds2,dh and I already in it!)- could of course get just ds1.
C) DH is very against us taking my friend up on her offer. I think he does not want to have to feel "grateful" to somebody else, almost does not want to "owe" them anything. (I think this is ungrateful of him but there we go)
D) DH's contract runs until the Spring but after that it will be down to me to decide what the childcare arrangement are as I will be the one who does all the pick ups and drop offs again. Who knows where he will be working. I could not go back to friend and say "you know that kind offer? Well no ta I'd rather he went to A/S club. But I might come back to you at some point and change my mind"
E) I do think my dh is being a bit of an arse but I can see why he's reluctant. We had an arrangement with a family member before who picked ds up twice a week but she really let us down and dh was quite hurt. I think he is worried that this might happen again and so would prefer to keep it all within our control.
F) Friend is quite insistent- I think I might offend her a bit if we say thanks but no thanks. I can see that I would feel a bit hurt if I offered to do a favour for a friend and it was turned down even after I had assured the other person that I would be delighted to do it and it really was not a big favour.
My brain hurts. What I really want to do is say "DH, DS1 is going to his friends house every Monday" - AIBU?