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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get rid of my childminder ASAP after this scary incident?

59 replies

BeingHumum · 02/10/2011 18:25

My DS started with a new childminder a few weeks ago when he started school. There have been a few small incidents which have made me worry. Then I picked him up one day last week to find him playing in a room with a high balcony unattended. The balcony is the type with gaps in railings and at bottom of railings, and had table and chairs on it (climbable!). The door to the room was shut, minder not there, door to balcony open, DS playing with a 5 year old girl. When we left the house I asked him if he'd been on the balcony without the minder; he said yes. I had noticed the balcony before he started but never in a million years thought a registered childminder would open it, let alone leave the room.

When DH and I complained, she said the children are sensible - at 4 and 5!!! She did close the door next time I went but the key is left in it at child accessible height. Also I have seen her leave a baby asleep in a car on the roadside while doing the school run - completely out of her view. Both of these are grounds for complaint to Ofsted.

This is a deal breaker for me, I now have serious doubts about her awareness of safety and lax attitude to safety. The problem is she is the ONLY minder in the village. I am looking into getting a part time nanny, which will cost more but let me sleep at night, but could leave me with problems if she leaves. The minder will be there for the next few years. She is well meaning, just very dizzy and old school (50s), probably thinks modern parents are too cautious. AIBU to not give her another chance? What would you do?

OP posts:

heggertyhaggerty · 02/10/2011 21:17

thanks SHP. Eric Clapton's little boy ran out of an open window.

onepieceofcremeegg · 02/10/2011 21:19

Eric Clapton's child ran out of an open (window to floor style) window. The window was normally tightly shut, but the housekeeper was cleaning it and the poor child ran into the room unnoticed. There was no balcony there afaik, just a sheer drop. Desperately sad and tragic for all concerned.

perfumedlife · 02/10/2011 21:19

YANBU

I would remove child immediately, to hell with notice, she has broken your trust completely.

brdgrl · 02/10/2011 21:25

Remove your child immediately, end of. That's outrageous. And I would not listen to any assurances from CM that she'll not do it again etc etc...that kind of poor judgement and 'it'll be fine!' thinking shows she's not someone to leave your child with. What would the next thing be?

An0therName · 02/10/2011 21:35

I would report her to Ofsted re balcony issue
re baby left in the care - I would expect a minder to ask the parents if they minded -
could you arrange some kind of swap with parents - or sharing part time nanny with other parents,

nannynick · 02/10/2011 21:37

heggertyhaggerty - I'm a nanny and I am not insured to leave a child alone in my car. I have to take them out, it's a pain as it usually wakes them but there isn't a choice in the matter.

BeingHumum - it sounds to me as though you don't have many options for childcare, so you may need to use childcare which you feel is unsafe whilst looking for something else. You have mentioned the balcony issue to your childminder and you can keep repeating that but it's their home at the end of the day, not your home so you can't dictate what happens there. You don't feel it is safe so I feel you need to look at alternative care.

A nanny may be a solution but it will be costly and whilst you are more able to tell a nanny what to do, you can't be sure they will always do it. You need to be able to trust whomever you leave your children with. That person's level of safety awareness may not be like your own, no one will be a perfect you.

Find alternative care, then give notice to the childminder as per the contract as you don't think they are taking notice of your concern over access to the balcony.

SexualHarrassmentPandaPop · 02/10/2011 21:39

OP will you be able to take family emergency leave from work to sort out childcare? I'm sure I would have been able to with my previous job but it likely depends on the employer.

perfumedlife · 02/10/2011 21:44

I wouldn't be giving notice after such a serious lapse of safety. Bring on the court/compensation case, I just couldn't and wouldn't put my child in her care for one more day.

brdgrl · 02/10/2011 21:47

"You have mentioned the balcony issue to your childminder and you can keep repeating that but it's their home at the end of the day, not your home so you can't dictate what happens there. "

True - you can't control or even know what goes on in the home - which is why once you have seen something you know to be unsafe, you have a responsibility to your kid to get him or her the hell out of there, immediately.

"That person's level of safety awareness may not be like your own, no one will be a perfect you. . "
I think a parent should be able to expect a far more reasonable level of 'safety awareness' from an alledged professional. If I ate in a restaurant and then found out they had rats and cockroaches in the kitchen, I wouldn't settle for someone saying "they just have a different level of hygiene awareness from you! If you don't like it, cook at home." I wouldn;t keeop eating there, either.

It's an appalling attitude, really, and I am surprised and a bit depressed to hear it from a nanny.

nannynick · 02/10/2011 21:56

Everyone will access risk differently. Nobody is perfect, we all take risks at times - or are you going to say you have never taken any risk?

BeingHuman isn't happy with the current situation so I feel they should remove their child. However the next person they use for childcare may be very good about risks involving a balcony but not so good about something else - they might let a child climb a tree (is that acceptable risk?).

cory · 02/10/2011 21:56

"That person's level of safety awareness may not be like your own, no one will be a perfect you. . "

A registered childminder doesn't get to set her own level of safety; it is regulated by Ofsted.

SexualHarrassmentPandaPop · 02/10/2011 21:58

No-one is perfect but there are minimum standards that you should be able to expect from a professional cm. Such as not letting kids play on a balcony, keeping medicines out of reach, not leaving young kids unattended in the bath, using the correct car seat - that sort of thing.

nannynick · 02/10/2011 22:01

I would be interested to know what the regulator (Ofsted if in England) has said about the balcony. Maybe the regulator has decided that it is ok to open the doors?

Commonsense I feel says there is a risk in opening the doors and children should be told not to go near it, or better still not to open the doors. However that's just my view of the risk involved if I were to be in a property which had a balcony.

SexualHarrassmentPandaPop · 02/10/2011 22:02

I would be happy for my 4 yo to climb a tree. She would not be able to climb anywhere near as high as a 1st floor window and would fall onto grass if she fell. Entirely different from leaving kids to play on a balcony.
There is no way her house would be approved if she made it known there would be access to the balcony. That's likely why she has to have a lock on it.

EmLH · 02/10/2011 22:02

I'd move your son as you have no confidence in her (and nor would I!)

Just because someone has qualified to do something doesn't mean they'll be any good at it in practice. I see childminders at my local baby groups that I wouldn't leave my child with in a million years! She may have guidelines but she's obviously not following them and you'd never forgive yourself if anything happened. I hope you find someone more suitable soon.

sarahtigh · 02/10/2011 22:05

the balcony thing is very worrying i am not a paranoid parent and thing some risks are acceptable I mean it would not bother me leaving baby in locked car in car seat sound asleep while did a school pick up at all, i think it is a very very tiny risk to baby if car locked and just a few minutes even if out of sight

but a balcony is not a tiny tiny risk, you do read of children falling from balconies open windows of flats every few months mostly tragic accidents there was one about 2 weeks ago. However, i can not remember the last account of a baby being harmed sitting in a car outside a village school for 10 minutes so if just the baby incident i would be ok but it would be ok to tell chilminder that you expected her to take your baby with her not leave her

but I would not be happy with balcony doors it should be locked with key removed but close so everyone would know where key was to open door if fire etc, because locked windows with missing keys can hamper the fire brigade

nannynick · 02/10/2011 22:12

an Ofsted report - looks like Ofsted permits balconys, though things on it need to not compromise safety. No mention in that report saying that the childminder has to be with the children whilst on the balcony.

Personally I wouldn't be happy about the level of risk that a balcony poses. However I've never actually worked in home which has had one.

boohoobabywho · 02/10/2011 22:13

If there is a shortage of childminders in your village and she is so rubbish.... why dont you train to be a childminder.

that way you could ensure your ds is well cared for and you would be earning money to contribute to the household bills (we all have them!)

I'm sure you would have other mothers beating a path to your door too....

Fecklessdizzy · 02/10/2011 22:14

My DS1 fell out of an upstairs window ( not ours! ) when he was four, he was permenantly damaged ... It does happen.

If I was you I'd find a new childminder pronto.

heleninahandcart · 02/10/2011 22:15

The balcony thing is very, very dangerous and quite obviously so. I would be more forgiving of the baby in car thing if she were not a childminder. Double standards it may be but IMO you have a right to assume high standards from a professional.

BTW on what planet is falling from a high balcony similar to falling out of a tree?

SexualHarrassmentPandaPop · 02/10/2011 22:16

nannynick - it says which areas the kids have access to and it doesn't include the balcony area.

RebelFromTheWaistDown · 02/10/2011 22:16

No way would I leave my DCs with this evil witch. YANBU.

Whatmeworry · 02/10/2011 22:17

I think childminders' houses have to be checked and passed (iirc, been awhile but I doubt its got less stringent). I also think what is risky in central urban areas is often fine in small villages.

But if you are not happy, move the child.

youarekidding · 02/10/2011 22:21

I was actually thinking yabu re the balcony until the car incident.

Maybe because I lived abroad when DS was a baby and although he wouldn't be out there unsurervised (was 1yo) many children aged 4+ were so I probably would have done.

But I agree with others if YOU have concerns then remove your DS.

nannynick · 02/10/2011 22:27

heleninahandcart - we don't know the critical fall height involved in either a fall from the balcony or from a tree. Some children can climb very well so could depending on the tree get as high as a first floor window, which could be a similar height to a balcony. However we don't know the height of the balcony in this case. The point I was trying to make (and maybe I didn't put it very well) was that a child could fall from various heights when doing various things. Some of those things we might consider to be acceptable risk, whilst others we would not.

SHPandaP - it says "Children have access to the reception room, bathroom and toilet and bedrooms. There is also a balcony area to access outside space." which to me means that the balcony is used as outside space - a requirement is that childminders have access to outdoor space for children to play. We of course don't know if the balcony is ever used, though the inspector did comment about items being stored on the balcony so it was included in the checks done at the inspection.

We are not BeingHumum, they need to make the choice themselves. Maybe they were concerned about the balcony when they first visited this childminder but due to a lack of childcare in the area felt it was a risk worth taking. Now that they have seen that children could access that balcony easily, I feel the level of risk has changed to the point where BeingHumum is no longer happy with that level of risk. So I feel BeingHumum should find alternative care.

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