i've been so unreasonable i can never go back

[gluttom]

I just read a post on another thread and realise how terrible my behaviour towards my kids has been in the last few months that I have been pregnant They are only nearly 2.5 and 4 and are typical boys. I have yelled and shouted and swore at them for being toddlers, my patience has been at an all time low. I am now 40+5 and still feeling rage worse due to the heat. But my kids now favour DH to me, my DH has witnessed my verbal disgrace of parenting. I can't stop crying this am -I want to be a good mum but I don't know where to start again. I can't start today as am so focused on how/when is this pregnancy going to end. What if things are worse with a screaming newborn in the mix -Am I now destined to be a terrible cow forever

You have had some fantastic advice on here.

Be kind to yourself - I get like you describe in your op occasionally (ds1 5 and a half and ds2 4 today) and I haven't even got the excuse of being pregnant. Small children are incredibly frustrating and hard work. You have done the most important thing - realised that how you are responding to them is probably making things worse. Having this insight means you will be able to get through this with support from your dh. For me when I know I have been too harsh with them I give them a hug and apologise for going too far. They do get this and their behaviour with me indicates that they know they are loved and love me too. It doesn't happen often that I totally lose it and because of this I actually don't think it actually does any harm. Its not a bad thing for them to see you get really really cross as long as its not all the time when it will lose its effect.

The advice to take time for yourself and to not be ashamed to admit how you feel and ask for help is spot on. Good luck xxx

Just marking my place. I have become a bit shouty lately and I hate it. Will be coming back here for advice!

I was a bit like this when pg with dc3, and had 2 toddlers. I just wasn't coping with the pregnancy. It is undoable, and not to late to change things. I have 4dc and we are a happy family x

When my two were this age they argues and but fought a lot. It drove me nearly round the bend. I never thought they would play nicely. But they eventually do!!

To help with "taking turns" I bought them a game called "Pop-up Pirates" - it's a fun game that requires them to take turns in sticking little plastic swords into a barrel, and one of them will cause a pirate to pop up (it's a bit like Bucaroo), and sat and played it with them (the two year old may need your help). I made a big deal of the fact that the game belonged to both of them.

bit, not but!

You sound like such a good Mum to be confronting this. We all lose our rag every now and then. I'd have a chat to them, say sorry and try to move forward. They know you are their lovely Mum who is doing her best and they'll soon forget the shouty version of you!

I can't start today

yes you can, you can start this minute, your babies deserve that

if your kids live in a negative atmosphere, their behaviour will be negative

trust me on that

Gluttom -forgive yourself NOW and then call your boys over and tell them you've been a grumpy mummy and you're sorry. HAve a lovely cuddle then some tasty treat-cake makes everything better!

Then take yourself off to bed for the rest of the day and REST so that you can focus on birth.
The reason you feel like crawling into a cave is because your body is preparing to give birth.
The reason you are snapping at the boys is that your subconcious mind can't bring a newborn into an 'unsafe' world.

Your DH needs to make sure the boys have lots of good solid food to eat so they don't get hungry (they bicker more when hungry!),and take them out twice daily to run around. YOU don't have to take them out, you need to lie in bed or on the sofa watching trashy telly.

DH needs to keep the house as clean and tidy as he can so that your 'cave' is well oprepared for birth. The boys can be told to help with this. They need to learn that a heavily pregnant woman is a very special person, and they will enjoy helping DH treat you like a queen. My boys are still doing this 4 year after my last one was born!

Good luck, I hope the birth goes well.
X

I recommend the books "How to talk so kids will listen" and "Siblings without rivalry."