To really really want to believe in reincarnation, so that I can hope for better luck in my next life?

[Punkatheart]

Title says it really. I would like a life without cancer, without losing the love of my life. Nothing ambitious - just happy, content. A man to love and to love me, good health, kind friends and to be able to look at the world and not wish that I was out of it.

I wish I wish I wish

It's easy to take the things you say you'd like for granted when you have them.

I'm sorry you're having a shit time of it.

I'm also sorry you wish you were you were out of it, I know it's an oft asked question on MN, but do you have anyone to help out in RL?

The very best to you, from one who survived cancer to another who is going to.

Has something happened tonight that's made you feel it more keenly?

I suppose I am missing my OH....he is living with his mother and there is no chance of reconciliation. I want him here, just to walk through the door and tell me that everything will be OK. He was my strength, my world.

Love to you Andrew....wonderful that you came through. Ironically, after many many treatments - with drug therapy mine is under control and I am getting stronger. It was a strange time to choose for him to leave, really.

So next life. A quiet one, I think. Gentle. Stable.

It's such a wonderful idea, reincarnation. But then of course there is the worry about returning as a worm...

You sound so lost Punk.

For so much to happen to you and then for him to go must be heartbreaking.

Do you still have contact with him?

Does he know how much you're struggling?

Thank you agent. Yes, I am lost. Things have broken down in terms of contact - I just can't cope with seeing him. I have written him letters but there has been no response. He would not try at Relate to put us back together - he had already decided that it was the end, that he wanted to be alone. His poor mother is awfully distressed. His DD wants nothing to do with him. He has caused a lot of people a lot of pain. There is something wrong in the sense that his heart has hardened.

I will sleep, I think. I usually dream wonderful dreams, of resolution and happy things. Waking up though is always a challenge.

People have worse things happen to them. I am just sad. Wishing everyone on Mumsnet happiness.

Can you just post back before you get off to bed and reassure me that if you do feel as though you can't go on, that you'll get some help for yourself in RL?

Please.

Or just on MN if you can't face anyone, there's always someone about somewhere who'll be happy to talk.

You do have other options.

Doing something drastic is not the only one left to you.

I have the crisis number given to me by a counselling service by the bed, agent. I also have my lovely DD - which means that I would never leave her a tragic legacy, no matter how desperate I become. I have to fight this - just find some strength from somewhere.

But thank you. Thank you for your sweetness. I usually enjoy supporting people and helping friends or people who are low. It is odd to be on the other side, to feel so pathetic. It doesn't feel like a good fit.

Sleep well. Lovely dreams.

I hope you can get a good nights kip, keep focused on your beautiful DD

What a shit hand you have been dealt :(

I too hope you can get a good night's sleep, and wake up refreshed to have a lovely day with your DD :)

Morning Punk

Have you got anything planned for your Sunday?

My DD decided to stay over at a sleepover and spend the day with her friend. I have limped around today trying to get a few things done.

Thanks for the thoughts and I hope that you had a happy sunny day.