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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want a third child in case dh is disappointed if it's another girl?

15 replies

MrsJasonBourne · 30/09/2011 22:00

That's it really.

Honestly don't know how I feel. Always said I wanted three children purely because I was one of three and it's a nice number of siblings. Feel quite settled with two, thinking about how they're getting more independant now etc, but wouldn't rule out another if I started getting a bit broody. So not totally made my mind up one way or the other.

I occasionally broach the subject with dh to sound out his opinion. He usually says we'll think about it next year when the finances have settled down, which is perfectly practical and wouldn't leave a huge age gap between dc's.

However. When dd2 was born he was quite obviously a bit disappointed that she wasn't a son. He loves her to bits, don't get me wrong, but did half-jokingly say perhaps the next one would be a boy. Hmm

Thing is I can see where he's coming from. He and his brother and his dad have always been really close and I think he just assumed that he'd carry on that sort of relationship with a son of his own.

I wouldn't mind trying again but I don't think I could bear his disappointment if it was another girl and it would worry me forever that he didn't really want her.

It's not the best way to consider your third dc is it?

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 30/09/2011 22:20

No it isn't-only have a third if you want another DC, whatever the sex.

SazZaVoom · 30/09/2011 22:21

Something like a 70% chance of having another girl, so i would definitely be sure he is prepared.

troisgarcons · 30/09/2011 22:23

50/50 - but from personal experience ,3 upsets the equilibrium, two or four.

gordyslovesheep · 30/09/2011 22:24

I have 3 girls - we knew the third would be a girl - only have children you want regardless of gender otherwise it's not fair on anyone

Pseudo341 · 30/09/2011 22:25

I think you need to talk to your DH about it, has he actually said he only wants a third if it's a boy? Since your DD2 was born he might have decided it's so utterly wonderful to have girls that he wants six more of them. Find out his real feelings on the subject rather than quietly worrying away to yourself.

Original poster
MrsJasonBourne · 30/09/2011 23:44

I think I know what he'd say. He'd say 'but we might have a boy this time'.

Sad
OP posts:
lazylula · 01/10/2011 00:02

MrsJasonBourne, I was in a very similar situation as you, only we had 2 ds' and dh was a little disappointed to have a second ds, although like your dh loves him to bits but he really wanted a third and I was concerned his motive was 'to try for a girl'. Over the 2 years fromhaving ds2 and me falling pregnant after a 'lapse' night, we talked alot about, me stating we have to want a child not a particular sex and him saying yes, yes I will be happy with another boy. If I am honest I was never really convinced of his motives but a pregnancy 'happened' and I spent the whole pregnancy convinced it was a boy and I think so did dh and he NEVER mentioned any hope for a girl. We did get a dd and now dh thinks a 4th would be a good idea.
Sorry, I have wittered, I suppose what I am saying is I can understand your concern having had the same feelings. I told dh that most people I know who have 2 of the same sex go on to have a third of the same sex so felt it was more than probable we would have a boy and that we just do not do girls. You really need to talk to your dh. Goodluck.

Rubyx · 01/10/2011 00:16

I had a third cos i was feeling broody after the two ( after the third it was never again and that was that)
There is nothing wrong with your DH wanting a boy as long as he is strong enough to stomach the dissapointment he will feel and get over it and love the baby anyway. It is hard for you to have that tiny baby in your arms and not love it so it will probably be okay.. Good luck

Original poster
MrsJasonBourne · 01/10/2011 23:45

Thanks for that girls, good advice.

Will have a little chat.

OP posts:
mummytotwoboys · 02/10/2011 01:04

i have two boys and wanted a third - I desperetley wanted a DD and I got it! I would have been very disappointed, crushed in fact if she had been another boy. However I like to think that I would have gotten over it as I love my boys very much. Im sure your DH will be the same therefore YABU = go for it!

midlandsmumof4 · 02/10/2011 01:27

DH always wanted a girl-we had four boys. His brother always wanted a boy-he had 4 girls. We now have 1 beloved GD & 2 GS & he has 5 GD's.. They are all healthy & very much loved and we wouldn't change them for the world. Be grateful for what you have & don' thave any more unless you really want one regardless of the sex.

flyingspaghettimonster · 02/10/2011 04:47

You can sway your chances by using temperatures, acidity levels, diet etc... worth reading up on, but be sure you want the child whichever way... it is more likely to get a boy this way than a girl I believe, as more boys are conceived than girls...

NotADudeExactly · 02/10/2011 06:32

I seem to recall that after the first it's 50/50 but that a third child after two of the same sex has a disproportionately high chance of being of the same sex as the existing siblings.

Sorry, I can't for the life of me remember where I read this.

Iggly · 02/10/2011 06:41

I don't think it really is possible to sway your chances either way - not been proved.

You have a high chance of another girl. There are only two outcomes here. How will you feel if it's another girl? How will you feel towards your husband if he isnt able to contain his feelings?

exoticfruits · 02/10/2011 07:41

I wouldn't go in for swaying your chances-I don't think that it works. Have the discussion-if there is going to be disappointment don't do it.

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