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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To find it hard to support someone i think is lying.

50 replies

bertyb · 30/09/2011 14:50

Someone that i am friends with said the HV assessed her and said she had PND, the HV said she shows all the signs and when i asked what they are she stalled abit and then said, she doesnt want to get out of bed sometimes, shes bored, and that her and her partner argue about his hobby.

She went to the doctors who apprantly told her she has severe depression. Now please excuse me if i have this very wrong but this woman is always out and about and shes told me shes an early riser as is her little girl, so the apprant signs she gave me before are a lie..

I asked what anti d's the doctor gave her and she said she doesnt know and i also asked if the doc explained how she was going to feel for the first couple of weeks whilst they get into her system and she said he didnt and told her to look on the box info.

Ive only ever known one person who suffered very badly wiith PND and it was an awful time for her and her family, i know all cases are different though.

This person is the most attention seeking person i have ever met and she lies alot, so AIBU to say that i feel unable to support her and im going to distance myself from her?

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 30/09/2011 15:14

Oh and I don't want to get out of bed sometimes - I still do though, and clearly your 'friend' does to as she has to get up for her child.

limitedperiodonly · 30/09/2011 15:15

People usually tell you what you want to hear if you waterboard them. It might not be the truth but at least it stops them droning on about things you don't want to listen to.

All you need is a thick wet towel, a running hose pipe and a board at an angle. Why not invite her round on the pretext of a sympathetic chat and invite her to have a nice lie down?

MummyTo2MonkeysAnd1Bug · 30/09/2011 15:16

I suffered with severe pnd in 2008 - i actually ended up being hospitalised for 2 weeks.

If i had someone interrogating me about my medication back then or even now id probably be pretty evasive too.

Oh and at the height of my illness (before being admitted to hospital) i found it hard to get out of bed but i did because i had a child to care for. And i was out and about every day, in a full face of make up because i felt the need to show the world i was 'fine' - i really was not.

ShirleyKnot · 30/09/2011 15:17

I think the thing is that you can either and try and be a decent person by being as supportive as you can manage - you know? Just in case that person is actually depressed; or you can call them a liar in your head and be generally a little bit unpleasant. It's the OP's choice.

sayithowitis · 30/09/2011 15:31

It is also possible that the friend is lying and that that is a symptom of her PND. Thankfully, I never suffered with it, but someone very close to ne has suffered with severe depression and one of the things we noticed, was the number of times this person told lies - big ones, little ones, trivial ones and important ones. Once the depression was sorted, the lies stopped and the person was mortified about some of the lies they told.

Anyway, regardless of whether or not they are lying, you don't sound like the sort of friend I would like to be. If she is telling the truth, she needs support and if she is lying, she also needs support because she clearly feels the need to lie to get any positive attention in her life.

I feel very for your friend.

Slambang · 30/09/2011 15:32

So...
Either
a. She has PND and needs support OR
b.She is attention seeking and needy, so much so she lies because she needs support

What is this precious 'support' are you planning to give or withold anyway?

Tota1Xaos · 30/09/2011 15:46

I'm on the fence on this one - as although the questions the OP asked her friend were intrusive and inappropriate, a minority of people are so dishonest that they might make up/exaggerate this sort of thing, and these sort of people are v. frustrating to deal with, and you do end up questioning things more than you would normally. sounds like the trust has gone with this friendship so it's probably sensible for OP to distance herself

btw I often have to prompt GPs to discuss side effects of medication, it's perfectly credible that the GP didn't discuss this with her

pyjamasinbananas · 30/09/2011 15:52

I get up at 6 every morning. I do the housework and sort the kids out. I'm on anti depressants yet the only people that know are when I've mentioned it on here. No one in RL knows as it's personal and a big thing to admit. I don't always remember the name of my pills and my dr didn't tell me how they'd make me feel
YABU

Pinot · 30/09/2011 16:09

OP please distance yourself from her. Please do!

Then hopefully she'll find a genuine friend who will support her rather than treating her like an episode of EastFuckingEnders which is to picked part in minute detail.

Oh and Reality - I felt the exact same way. I really hope the friend in this isn't experiencing that too.

BeerTricksPotter · 30/09/2011 16:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ConstanceNoring · 30/09/2011 16:17

I think it's odd the way you started this "someone who I am friends with", why didn't you say 'a friend of mine...'

It says to me that either you don't really regards her as a friend in the true sense,

or you are about 12.

She obviously thinks you are a friend, someone she can talk to about her problems and confide in, and who cares about her, but you don't sound like you want the job.

So I would say yes, distance yourself from her, allow her to find other friends, you are not going to be any help to her if you feel the way you do about who she is or what she is.

ConstanceNoring · 30/09/2011 16:20

x post with you, Pinot

I'm ing because it seems to be happening a lot, I've clicked on a few threads today to find you're already there with a response, - I haven't posted becuase I wouldn't want you to think I'm stalking

Pinot · 30/09/2011 16:21

heartburn · 30/09/2011 17:08

Poor Berty, you are getting a lot of grief here.
Reading your op - this person seems to be an acquaintance, rather than a friend. You would know none of her business if she hadn't introduced the topic. Perhaps your questions were little probing, but you can't go back and delete in RL.
I had an acquaintance who was attention seeking and had a long history of mental health issues - trouble was, she attended psychiatrists and councillors over the years but never co-operated with the treatment. She attended many different people but stopped going if she did not like what she heard. I lost sympathy/interest as she seemed to be able to summon 'depression' on command. (I am bracing myself from all the outrage as I write this).
Perhaps by listening to her you have already supported her

lesley33 · 30/09/2011 17:16

Sometimes the most severely depressed people aren't obviously unhappy. Thats why you people can be in shock when someone kills themselve because - he/she always seemed fine.

And early waking is a common sign of severe depression.

lesley33 · 30/09/2011 17:18

As is early waking,but not wanting to get out of bed.

You come across as someone who knows very little about clinical depression and as if you are confusing unhappiness with severe depression.

Icelollycraving · 30/09/2011 17:27

So,if she is lying,does that not show you she is very unhappy?
Support her or if you can't then I hope she has someone to talk to. I'm a v good detective (my colleagues used to call me Angela Lansbury :o ) but know your audience. This is at best unkind.

Groovee · 30/09/2011 17:47

I know people who've been diagnosed with bad PND and haven't wanted to go home as they associated it with horribleness and spent as much time out of the house as they could and also because they found it hard to sleep with so many thoughts going through their heads.

So glad I'm not your friend, I suspect my invisible condition/disability would be a figment of my imagination if I was your friend.

aldiwhore · 30/09/2011 18:01

If she's saying she's severely depressed, it doesn't MATTER whether she's lying or not about the GP's, she is trying to tell you how she feels.

She may well be lying, she may well seem to be able to enjoy herself at times, she may well be a classic drama queen... but LISTEN to what she is telling you, she is telling you she isn't feeling good, she's asking for your support.

My friend used to spout a load of guff and twaddle, she would dramatise and seeming attention seek. That's the point she WAS depressed, depressed enough to SHRIEK for help rather than ask in a non-hysterical, calm and logical way. The point wasn't whether everything she said was absolute truth, the point was she needed me (and others).

Be kind, please.

RhinoKey · 30/09/2011 18:07

You sound like a lovely friend.

diddl · 30/09/2011 18:26

Well I can´t see from your OP why you would think she´s lying.

Not wanting to get up doesn´t mean that she doesn´t get up, does it?

And I´d clam up if someone started interrogating me.

But if you know her to be an attention seeking liar, wha are you her friend?

diddl · 30/09/2011 18:27

Reality

Congratulations-how old is he?

(first I´ve heard of it!)

Tota1Xaos · 30/09/2011 18:31

the OP may be right about her friend, but for the wrong reasons iyswim (as getting up early etc is perfectly consistent with depression) we don't know the backstory (well the OP's version of the backstory) so have no feel for whether the friend is honest as the day is long, or a stranger to the truth. IME people who are very careless of the truth, can be very careless of your feelings/friendship, so it may be prudent not to get too involved.

Reality · 30/09/2011 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 01/10/2011 08:00

I did know that you were pregnant, just not that you´d had him yet.

Who guessed the weight/date correctly?

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