to move to the USA when DDad is dying ?

[lifeanddeathbrigade]

I have just been offered a great job in NY (job is amazing, it's permanent, pay is great, it's NY!) I have an old uni friend who lives their (she is from the states) so I would have someone there.
I should go - it is a great oppotunity, I'm young (27), have no relationship ties to keep me here. And if I don't go I know I may regret it.

However.

My 2 siblings are older, married, DCs, established lives. And our DParents are not getting any younger (they were 'older parents' when we were born) and DDad has complex, life threatening health problems that basically mean he is dying. One sibling lives at other end of country to DParents and the other one lives about 4 hrs away. I currently live only 45mins away from Dparents and do a lot for them on a regular basis (I work about half hour from their house)

My head is telling me to go and take the job - to turn it down would be... and I know DParents would feel like I should definatly take it (Haven't told anyone yet)

yet

My heart is telling me not to go - that going when DDad is so ill may mean I miss moments with him (and the reality - his death, planning to get a flight for funeral etc), that I wont be around to help out and who else would do it? I wont be around DMum if (when) DDad is not here.

Feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place

I wouldn't personally go. Spent time in the USA and regretted it, despite all the great opportunities and many good times there. I went despite reservations because everyone said I'd regret it if I didn't go, but I did. Missed family and friends too much, a family member had a serious car accident when I was away, and my DM had some major health problems. My DB helped much, much more than I could or would (I kind of detached) and it caused problems between us. I wouldn't live that far away ever again.

If you do decide to take the job, try to negotiate as much pay and paid annual leave as you can. There is no working time directive there and many people have only 2 weeks' leave.

That must be a hard decision to make.

Okay so you know your Dad is dying.But anyone we love can die at any point, we can't put our lives on hold because x, y and z may happen. You can phone, you can skype, you can fly back (if you do go negotiate with your new employer about leave because of you Dad).

You have to live your life as well, but tell your Parents and siblings (your siblings will probably have a shock at having to do the daily things which guessing they don't do)

It's a no-brainer. Don't go. Because your heart is telling you not to. You won't regret it. You are young and will have plenty of opportunities in the future. Make the most of your parents. They need you now. You will miss them when they're gone.

OP - forget for a second about family and stuff (hard I know) but...

'I have just been offered a great job in NY (job is amazing, it's permanent, pay is great, it's NY!)'

Is it just a job granted a great one but is it just a job?
Or is it the job - the dream job or the job you have to do to get dream job?

If it is the latter then your parents will understand you going.
If the former then going will probably result in a lot more gulit than the latter. so maybe you don't go now.

The guilt is going to happen either way but that is what we live with as humans. The regret is going to happen either way.

But if going gives you the dream - personally you'd be a fool not to and the regret of not going in that incidence may far far outway the guilt of going. And as others said. someone can phone you and say 'get on a plane now' you would probably have about the same chance of getting there as the sibling who lives at the other end of country.

how hard for you, do what you want to do, as thats the best decision always

toss a coin, joking aside if you find yourself saying "toss again" then you generally know what why your mind is heading

Listen to your heart, if you don't it will haunt you!
Your Dad? a Job?.. materialism? a life?
No Brainer