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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Party for a 5 year old held 10 miles from home...why????

86 replies

barbie007 · 29/09/2011 21:25

DS has brought a party invite home today. It's for his friend who will be 5 next month which is lovely but why on earth are they having it in a place that's 10 miles away? Do the parents think I've got nothing better to do?

OP posts:
mumblechum1 · 30/09/2011 06:45

Sorry Backtobedlam, I was referring to op saying it took 45 mins to drive 10 miles.

tothemoonandback · 30/09/2011 06:55

10 miles!!! How dare they!!!. It's an invitation to attend, not an order.

mummytime · 30/09/2011 07:01

If you are in London the average speed of traffic is about 8mph.
10 miles is close if you are rural, a long way in a city, and always long if you have to use public transport.
But I've been to several parties 10 miles away, at least 2 at the same yucky farm park. It does get worse if its a drop off party, and even worse if people need to arrange lifts. But lots of parties here are in neighbouring towns (one has a great ski slope, another used to have a leisure centre that let you do your own tea, another does the best trampoline parties).

swallowedAfly · 30/09/2011 07:17

OP is getting a bit of a kicking isn't she?

ds and i live in a village - nursery in village up to this summer and now the village primary school. we'd get birthday invites to all over the place - i assumed because nursery attracts people dropping kids on route to work etc rather than just people who live locally.

now we've had the first primary school b'day invite and it too is for a fair distance away and has no public transport links. i don't drive.

i understand people have parties where they want them and that is as it should be but i also appreciate it can be a bit of a nightmare from the guest perspective especially if you don't drive. it's all very well saying, 'just don't go' but trying telling that to an excited 4yo chuffed at being invited to so and so's birthday.

i sort of thought that with the school having a relatively small catchment area things might get a bit simpler but this invite is for a village about 25miles away - appears to be a village hall. do wish we still lived in a time of using your local village/church/guide hall.

and yes i realise this is 'my' problem, just saying i get it that it can be difficult and just telling a child no can be pretty heartbreaking really. it's also not clear whether parents are allowed to stay, hanging around a tiny little village in october for a couple of hours would be interesting even if i can find a way to get there.

youarekidding · 30/09/2011 07:22

I agree with hiddenhome DS attended a party a few months ago 35 miles from home on a Saturday afternoon. It was torrential rain so much so that the motorway was moving at 30mph and I had to hang around and wait for DS. Obviously did stuff near there. I was a bit Hmm about the distance but it's the nearest place available that did the type of party - which really was a one off experience so would never uqestion it.

YABU I'm afraid.

aldiwhore · 30/09/2011 08:37

Another one of the countryfolk here, we travel to parties. Mind you, we travel everywhere!

sausagesandmarmelade · 30/09/2011 08:46

If it's for his friend then you should make the effort to let your DS go.

Really, it's up to them where they hold their child's birthday party! They are not doing it for YOUR benefit...and I'm sure they have a perfectly valid reason.

Laquitar · 30/09/2011 09:06

I will go against the majority.
Imo if you want people to come you should try and have the party in the area. Fine if you have it at GP's house like the poster earlier but i wouldn't go 70 miles further for a 'better venue'. Some people don't drive, some have multiple children, some have no money for petrol. Why make it difficult for those children?

Childrens parties become like weddings Grin, we 'll soon have 6th birthday parties abroad.

booyhoo · 30/09/2011 09:33

but laquitar, in whose area? OP might be the only person from hr are invited.the rest of the people may be from 2 minutes walk away from the venue.

meravigliosa · 30/09/2011 09:37

Happens a lot here. Even though not far from city centre there is one particular venue beyond city limits that a number of parents at DD school have used.

Annoyingly this is often on a Friday afternoon (school finishes at 1230), me and DH work f/t and ex-DH doesn't drive (and takes DS to other activities on Friday anyway). So far have succeeded in one or other of us managing time in a way such as to get DD to this party venue, but ultimately if we couldn't get her there, she'd just have to miss the party. Wouldn't be the end of the world. I do wish everything was local, but if there is a good well-priced venue, can hardly blame parents who are able to use it for doing so.

meravigliosa · 30/09/2011 09:38

Sorry mean, that although we and school are not far from city centre etc

Laquitar · 30/09/2011 09:38

Close to the school. Thats if you invite the classmates.

If the party is mainly for the extended family or other friends then fine to go further.

meravigliosa · 30/09/2011 09:39

and misplaced comma, not doing well this morning

bibbitybobbityhat · 30/09/2011 09:42

People asking me why 10 miles is an hours drive: its because I live in London.

Original poster
barbie007 · 30/09/2011 09:48

Oh dear...I'm getting beaten up here!

To clarify things....the party boy has invited the whole class and everyone lives nearby as the school has a very small catchment area.

My problem is that some people think they're so important and their kids are so important that they expect everyone else to sit in a car for 45min (hideous city traffic) and then 45 min on the way back to attend a party which could have easily been held around where we live as there are plenty of softplay areas and lots of party venues nearby.

laquitar and swallowafly have hit the nail on the head......why make it difficult for everyone? For chrissake the boy will be 5, at 5 you can have a lovely party in the garden, in the park, in a church hall, anywhere...you really don't need to take a bunch of 4 and 5 year olds 45 min away to have a good time. At one point I thought I was BU but I think a lot of you are BU here!

OP posts:
Hardgoing · 30/09/2011 10:03

I think it depends where you live. Where we live there aren't lots of party venues and the spread-out catchment means we would have to drive even to parties in the birthday child's house. Village halls, swimming pool 5 miles away, wherever anyone choses, some people will have to drive.

So, to me this is no biggie, but clearly you live in an urban area where this is all on the doorstep so to go elsewhere is a bit more inconvenient.

PrincessScrumpy · 30/09/2011 10:07

When I organise dd's parties I do it to make life as easy as possible for me. As the whole class is invited I would expect parents to arrange lift shares - one take the kids and the other pick up. This is what happens when you have kids but you don't have to take dc if it's too hard.

My parents spent years taxing my brother and I around, and dh and I will even pick up dds when they go clubbing as teens (I'm overprotective I know).

I wouldn't want to do it every weekend but as a one-off it sounds like it will be a bit different and make a change from all the usual venues.

ReadRideABikeSwim · 30/09/2011 10:10

Op I'm with you - o t t in my opinion. People have family - dp works 6 days a week we have a lit of children 10 miles is too far ... 30 is outrageous - have it at home fgs or in a church hall

The worlds gone mad I tell yoy

SardineQueen · 30/09/2011 10:22

Hey don't panic barbie, I think YANBU

Our set up is very similar to yours with the school and sort of area, 10 miles would take friggin ages if it was heading into town.

I would probably not go.

SpanishPaella · 30/09/2011 10:34

blimey, if a kids party is all you have to worry about, lucky old you

:)

mummytime · 30/09/2011 10:46

I am surprised how many parents don't arrange lift shares for parties. It is the norm here, it is trickier if the whole class isn't invited, but you can always ask the person organising the party who else is invited. And I don't always expect to only do 1 way, I have taken a car full in the hope someone else will help me out when I can't do it.

BTW do spare a thought for third children, whose parents are probably booked ferrying the older ones around all weekend so find it hard to fit in another lift anywhere.

Stoirin · 30/09/2011 11:07

you are way overthinking. Don't go if you don't want to. Bit much ranting about how people think their children are important...well duh. Hmm

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 30/09/2011 11:15

Barbie - maybe none of the nearer venues could hold the party on that day, and that's the only day the parents can do the party? Or none of the local venues could accomodate a group that large at a time that suited the party parents?

Really - I honestly doubt that they did it in order to inconvenience you or other parents from the class - they are trying to give their child the happiest birthday party they can, that's all.

And if the whole class is going, then you need to get together with some other parents and organise lifts. Maybe you won't have to drive at all.

I do think you are being a bit unreasonable, to be honest.

SardineQueen · 30/09/2011 11:15

We normally walk to parties though mummytime.

ElaineReese · 30/09/2011 11:22

spanishpaella I'm sure it's not all OP ever has to worry about, it's just what she's posting about today. Do you see?

OP I see why you are a bit narked with this. Personally when I organise a party the ease with which parents are going to be able to drop off and collect would always be a factor - but hey ho, they didn't, and I guess you have to just be glad to be invited. It is a tad annoying though!

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