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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to just let her go despite DD being upset?

34 replies

sephrenia · 29/09/2011 21:15

A few months ago, we were given a grey kitten by my brother who told us to look after her carefully (having lost/had stolen) two before her. Naturally, I said we'd take good care of her and I'd try to keep her inside.

Of course, two weeks after we got her, one of the children left the front door open and boom, she was gone. It took a couple of weeks but the children got over it.

Tonight however, a grey kitten with the EXACT markings our kitten had has come inside the house (the door was open to let some air in) and looks about the right size our kitten would be had she still been here. I'm pretty certain it's our kitten who went missing, especially as she's going to where we used to keep her food and litter tray and going mental over DD (she was the kitten's favourite while we had her). The problem is, she's obviously been well looked after and has a collar on so whoever took her (whether or not they knew her origins) obviously now has a bond with her.

I think we should let her go and see if she chooses to come back or not but DD (backed up by DH) is saying that we should go tit for tat and nick her back*. I think it's completely wrong but I seem to be on the losing end of this argument. What do you think?

AIBU to just let her go and see what happens?

*Obviously I haven't shut the door on her to keep her in, I'm holding out on this as much as I can.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 29/09/2011 21:17

i think that unless you can be 100% certain that she is your cat then it would be wrong to keep her.

are there any contact details on the collar?

thisisyesterday · 29/09/2011 21:18

if not then i would let her go if she wants to.
if she wants to stay with you then she will

Annpan88 · 29/09/2011 21:19

I duno how longs she been gone for? If she's your cat, regardless of how well the kitty thieves looked after her, I'd keep her

HerHissyness · 29/09/2011 21:19

The kitten may stay. she may keep popping back. do you have any pics of the kitten before she got lost? if so, perhaps you ought to contact the owner, and offer to reimburse them for any costs.

If this is your kitten, then the person who has had her up until now knows she didn't come from the kitten fairy, so has to accept that perhaps one day, someone may come forward to claim her.

Original poster
sephrenia · 29/09/2011 21:19

Thanks for replying Smile

There are no contact details on the collar, it looks like a cheap flea collar thing with a small bell on it, nothing else to say who has been looking after her.

OP posts:
girliefriend · 29/09/2011 21:20

Blimey a tricky one, tbh if it was me I think I would just be relieved my kitten had turned up, keep her in for a day or two. It may be worth taking her to the vets to check if she has been micro chipped.

I can appreciate the dilemma esp as she has a collar on! You may have to let her go and follow her to see where she goes!!!

SkinnedAlive · 29/09/2011 21:20

She will choose who she wants to live with. Probably both of you.

Did you have her microchipped? Is she neutered and vaccinated? At some point she will need medical care (worming, de-flea, vaccinations etc as routine) so it is best to find out who is looking after her and discuss!

Original poster
sephrenia · 29/09/2011 21:21

Ann - She's been gone for about two months now

HerHissyness - I do actually have a couple of photos of her from when we were first given her and I think that's a pretty good idea actually. I'll pose it to DH and DD Smile

OP posts:
justcallmemummypig · 29/09/2011 21:21

After 2 weeks she shouldn't have disappeared as would have been used to you. The thing to do is get any pets micro chipped.

See if it keeps coming back, sadly cats are fickle!

worraliberty · 29/09/2011 21:23

See if she's micro chipped

I take it you didn't get her done?

UniS · 29/09/2011 21:24

Can you put something on the cats collar with YOUR contact details asking for any one else who is feeding this cat to contact you.

Original poster
sephrenia · 29/09/2011 21:24

girlie - It is a tricky one for sure. I did consider keeping her in but thought it would be unfair to whoever had been looking after her to just keep her in with us.

Skinned - That's what i was thinking. We didn't have her microchipped, she was only about 10 weeks old when she went missing and the vets near us wanted to wait until she was around 12 weeks before chipping her. We actually had an appointment for it along with vaccinations too!

OP posts:
Original poster
sephrenia · 29/09/2011 21:25

Uni that's a great idea Grin

OP posts:
chelen · 29/09/2011 21:25

I think English law defines cats as wild animals so collar or not, presumably it doesn't technically belong to anyone (warning - I am in no way a legal expert so this could be utter rollocks).

I think YANBU to explain that cats can't be forced to stay, they are notorious for beggaring off. It sounds like its possible the door could get left open some other time so at some point the cat will have a chance to choose anyway?

SpanishPaella · 29/09/2011 21:25

six dinner sid innit

Original poster
sephrenia · 29/09/2011 21:28

DH has read the replies and says you're all correct about not nicking her back from the people who've been looking after her and talking to them instead so thank you for that!

Spanish, you made me laugh out loud at 'Six Dinner Sid' Grin

OP posts:
girliefriend · 29/09/2011 21:30

I think the idea of putting your details on the collar is a good one!

SkinnedAlive · 29/09/2011 21:31

Its a horrible dilemma - and such bad luck she got our before being chipped - typical cat! Practically, she will have to be neutered soon if she is approaching 6 months and it has not yet been done. Lots of good ideas here re seeing who her new slaves 'owners' are.

Original poster
sephrenia · 29/09/2011 21:35

I think I'm going to go with the putting the details on her collar thing and see what happens. I just pray one of the nicer families around this area have been the ones looking after her.

Some of the families here scare ME, never mind the kids and to deal with one of them would entail screeching (well, being screeched at) in the street Confused

OP posts:
TheMonster · 29/09/2011 21:37

You'll probably just lose her again...

NorfolkBroad · 29/09/2011 21:37

loads of great advice here. I have to admit I would still find it very hard to just send her back though! Cats do have a tendency to do their own thing don't they? Maybe your DD might find it quite fun to think that you will be sharing the kitten with a mystery family...assuming you don't find out who they are!

PootlePosyPerkin · 29/09/2011 21:38

Cats make up their own minds on things like this Smile. I really think that all you can do is let her come & go as she pleases - if she wants to be with you she will keep coming back. If she doesn't, I'm afraid nothing will make her. As for shutting her in the house, it won't really work unless you intend to never open a window or door again. If a cat wants to get outside, they usually can Grin.

SephreniaRidesABroomstick · 29/09/2011 21:41

BodyofEeyore I'm not disagreeing with that statement but, really? For all I know, some fecker around her saw her on the doorstep and took a chance. It certainly isn't unknown in these parts Hmm

Norfolk that's actually quite a fun idea if there's no contact from the details I'm putting on her collar Grin

SephreniaRidesABroomstick · 29/09/2011 21:41

*around here

NewShooz · 29/09/2011 21:44

Sorry to sound harsh, but are you saying this is the THIRD cat you have lost/has gone missing whilst being in your care? Shock

Because if that is the case then I would let the cat go back to where it has come from and not have any more!