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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For not wanting to get drunk?

52 replies

MuthaInsuperior · 29/09/2011 08:10

I'm known as being a bit of a bore in my family - always making excuses to get out of social gatherings and choosing a week in the lake district over a week in Benidorm etc. Anyway my cousin has been wanting me to go for a night out with her for AGES and each time I've made excuses and promised "next time".

Anyway - she invited me to a night out this friday and I got sick of making excuses and agreed. She's now REALLY excited about it and we've text lots about it and are both looking forward to it - only thing is I don't want to get drunk and I think I'm going to be accused of "spoiling the night" or "being boring" once she realises I'm not going to get drunk. One text she sent me mentioned getting "plastered" and I've tried to hint that I won't be drinking loads but I don't think the hint has been taken.

My plan is to alternate each alcoholic drink with a plain diet coke - and try and make each half last ages so I'm actually drinking less anyway. They're going to pick up on this quite quickly and I'm worried I'm going to get accused of "spoiling it", especially as she's looking forward to it so much.

I HATE being drunk though, I hate the hangover, I hate the realisation of how much I've spent on getting myself that way the next morning and I also want to take the kids to the cinema early Saturday morning.

I'm not being a boring old fart am I? I'm 30. Am I not normal?

OP posts:

Nefret · 29/09/2011 11:56

YANBU, I hate being drunk too and I can never understand why anyone actually wants to get in that state (not to say I haven't done it before - just not for a long while )

Just drink what you want and go along with the fun, have a giggle and I'm no-one will notice you aren't drinking that much.

Original poster

MuthaInsuperior · 29/09/2011 14:12

I've just been speaking to a few friends (one of them coming with us tomorrow night!) and they're the same as me. You drink and then you come to a point were you KNOW you've had enough and you go on the soft drinks. I can't understand why anyone would carry on drinking when it's become obvious they're already drunk (I'd probably puke and then fall asleep so definitely not my idea of fun!) but hey, if that's what they want to do fair enough but I know now I'm not being unreasonable to limit my alcohol intake.

OP posts:

NorfolkBroad · 29/09/2011 14:46

YANBU. Why do people get annoyed with others because they don't want to get drunk? I just don't understand this! I love the odd glass of wine but since I found that parenting and being drunk don't mix I literally never get drunk now...1 glass is enough. Plus I love to keep fit and the fitter I've become the less I want to make myself feel ill.

You can still have a great time whether you drink lots or no alcohol at all. I feel for you though. My brother went teetotal after courageously acknowledging that he had quite a problem with alcohol. Some of his "friends" found this so annoying that they even tried to spike his drinks!!!

newby66 · 29/09/2011 15:00

Just picked this up now. The perfect excuse for not drinking is the driving the following morning. Your body needs a huge amount of recovery time after indulging in more than the legal limit (not just a nudge but a lot over) to come back down to the correct levels. Several of my friends/colleagues have been out the night before, got up ok and been breath tested the following morning, failed and lost their driving licence. One chap had stopped 12 hours before driving and was still over....

I would just stand firm and advise your cousin that yes you are looking forward to the night out, you will enjoy it but your driving licence is way worth more than taking any risks

If she cannot understand that then TBH I dont think you should even go out!

Apols for the rant for driving whilst over the limit (I dont think you should be able to have even 1 drink and drive - let alone with kids in the car) is my biggest and hugest bug bear there is never ever an excuse.

Rant over...

CustardIsMyNemesis · 29/09/2011 15:20

I'm going out tomorrow with a crowd from work. They all can really drink and as I don't do it much anymore, I know if I try to match them drink for drink after 2 hours I'll have my head in the loo.

My trick is to buy a non-alcoholic lager on my rounds and ask the barman/maid to put it in a 1/2 pint glass. Everyone thinks I am drinking lager when I'm not. It just keeps them off my back and I can happily enjoy my night without feeling ill.

It's not something I should have to do, but at the end of the day I like a quiet life :)

Mia4 · 29/09/2011 17:28

Seriously? I love drinking, love socialising while drinking but it's not for everyone and not for anyone to pressure someone else into. A good friend of mine is tee-total, she's a lot more fun then some of my mates when they get drunk and paranoid/morose.

Drink what you want, let your hair down and have fun just by going out. If they call you boring then just tell them you don't need drink to relax, party or have confidence. And if they don't like it, they know not to bother going out with you again.

As for the kids though...i wouldn't set it in stone. Have it maybe in mind or think about Sunday. Otherwise by ten or eleven you'll be constantly checking your watch and fretting that you might be too tired the next day. Then I'm afraid you will be spoiling things, no one likes to think someone would rather be somewhere else and if you are conscious of early morning plans then you may well appear that way.

Mia4 · 29/09/2011 17:31

Your body needs a huge amount of recovery time after indulging in more than the legal limit (not just a nudge but a lot over) to come back down to the correct levels>>>

Yup, it's about 1 hour per unit of alcohol. So just 1 WKD blue means 1.5 hours and 1 glass wine can be 2-3 hours.

shteviesunflower · 29/09/2011 17:33

Yabu

Meteorite · 29/09/2011 17:39

YANBU. Tell her that you're not interested in getting drunk and if she comment on it you'll smile, say goodbye and get the next bus home. If she's happy with that, then you're happy to go out and have a great evening on Friday!

alemci · 29/09/2011 17:41

No YANBU

drinking is expensive, ageing and makes you do and say things you regret so I think you are very sensible.

I do have the odd drink but I am not bothered if I don't. usually driving etc.

MothInMyKecks · 29/09/2011 17:44

Ah. I have friends like this.

They always insist on going in rounds, so the only chance I get to have a non-alcoholic is when it's my round. Wine and lemonade, gine and tonic etc. I end up dumping a lot of drink (bought by them) and grinning inanely as if I'm tipsy, when really I'm as sober as steel and thinking thoughts of escaping.

I'm not antisocial, and my friends aren't pissheads, but I just DO NOT enjoy the going out scene. I did for a few years, but that's a long time ago.

YANBU.

Adversecamber · 29/09/2011 17:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Meteorite · 29/09/2011 19:49

What a shame people have to virtually fake having an alcoholic drink though.

cat64 · 29/09/2011 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MarkStretch · 29/09/2011 20:07

I used to go out and get pissed, I used to go to other's people's houses and drink wine and get pissed, then after nights of drink induced insomnia and hating the way it made me feel the day after and realising it made me a shit mum, I stopped.

SO MANY people had to contribute their opinion, they couldn't believe I had given up drinking but I don't miss it one bit. The last time I had a drink was Christmas last year and I love not drinking. (I am also now 6 months pregnant which makes getting out of drinking a bit easier ).

I feel for you though, I felt like people stopped inviting me out, accused me of being boring, dull, and judgemental of their drinking habits which I wasn't at all, I just chose not to get pissed anymore. My cousin (funnily enough) took it really badly and felt like she couldn't have a drink in front of me because I was 'being good'. My grandmother said I'd 'become really boring since I got married and stopped drinking'. My family all like a drink.

Stick to your guns I say, have faith in your convictions and don't feel bad about not getting drunk with her. She's the one who will be suffering in the morning and you can have a nice day with your children.

TheSecondComing · 29/09/2011 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cerealqueen · 29/09/2011 20:21

YANBU to not want to get drunk. Y will BU to your cousin if you bang on about what you will or will not be drinking though! Just go out, have a good time and drink what you want and let your cousin drink what she wants.

Is it just the two of you? Its hard going out when you are with somebody who gets plastered as the conversation becomes pointless. I recall being at a wedding with free drink. It was very lonely as after a certain point there was nobody to talk to.

SjuperWolef · 29/09/2011 20:22

i have a relative like this - drinks beyond compare, moans everyone is a boring bastard and ruining her night, falls over, spews, starts fights with other clubbers/us lot/bouncers/the police/anybody - and just doesnt understand that i am very happy as are most of our friends, to have a few drinks a bit of a dance then home it usually transpired that she ruined our night out instead.

i dont speak to her anymore and thos ethat do just tend to pity her :(

worst thing is, im only 23!

MarkStretch · 29/09/2011 20:22

I can understand why she's going, she said she's made excuses in the past and is now sick of making excuses. Plus it's her cousin so the OP probably feels like she has to go to a point.

Pinot · 29/09/2011 20:23

I'm the same - I love wine and drink a glass or 2 every evening as a rule, but I never get drunk. I haven't been plastered since I had my babies - it just wouldn't occur to me to do that anymore. I spent many many days hungover as a teen/early twenties and I'm 36 now and my idea of a great night is a meal out or at a pub with a table to sit at with mates and a chat, not getting wankered in a club.

My sister is having a midlife crisis and gets pissed every weekend (regaling me with tales of being so drunk she's sick in the street etc) and I just think what a saddo she is.

YANBU.

lostinafrica · 29/09/2011 20:23

YANBU - and I was wondering if I was alone in thinking like this recently, so I'm glad to be reading so many wise words here.

lostinafrica · 29/09/2011 20:25

I was sick in the street the one time I got (hideously) drunk. And on the bus. Honestly, how can people enjoy that??

beakinthebeeswax · 29/09/2011 21:52

My DP goes on at me because I am teetotal, but I dont care, as I have never felt as healthy. As a consequence I have also stopped smoking. I am not a miserable git, I love a good laugh.
Its up to you whether you drink or not, you are NOT spoiling anyones night out. Just think, when you get home, the room wont spin and you wont wake up with that revolting feeling.
I admire you.

AliGrylls · 29/09/2011 22:00

For me there is that wonderful euphoric, relaxed feeling when I have drunk just the right amount. That is why I love a drink. In particular I love wine with dinner, without dinner although preferably not in a club anymore.

I would say YABU - but that is only because I am jealous that maybe you don't need booze to get that really nice relaxed feeling.

Meteorite · 29/09/2011 22:24

I don't get that feeling, AliGrylls. I just feel tired, less alert, and no more relaxed or less stressed. I don't find these feelings pleasant, just strange.

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